Home For Christmas

I'm washing clothes as I type, preparing for my trip home. I have to admit I'm getting excited to see evryone but just dreading the snow. I'm happy to be seeing the bff/ex, I've been in need of a good hug and not the kind my boss gave me today, awkward? Yes!

Coworker is taking me to the airport tomorrow. As I was leaving she advised me to not panic and call her tomorrow and that she WILL be coming to get me. I said uhhhh okay then.

One of my BFFs sinvce elem school reunited with an ex boo from colege and now she wants to follow him to another country, he's military. We(group of 5 since gradeschool) all wonder what's the urgency behind her uprooting her life for this guy she just reconnected with. I'm hoping to meet him tomorrow night to see what jas her thinking about giving up her life to go to a foreign place with him. I just want the best for her so hopefully he's a nice guy.

I have a couple errands in the morning including Walmart, I plan to go as soon as I wake up, I hate the long lines there! I also thought I'd fill you all in on my one of my creepy neighbors. There are two of them in my complex but one lives directly across the way from me. I always see him lurking in the windows. He keeps his blinds open all day and night and that creeps me out even more. He feeds stray cats and gawks, I wish he would be creepy with closed curtains!

I'm hoping to not have a blog-worthy story tomorrow for my flight home. If not, I'd like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

Coworker and Then Some

Work has been extremely busy this week. It seems that by the time I get training from a particular coworker it is about time for me to get off. I'm torn, don't know whether to just stay late or what. This same coworker said to another coworker that I'm "timid" when it comes to dealing with the departments that I'm responsible for. I was trying to be cool until I made probation but okay, you want the real me, fine, so I sent an email out to my departments, letting them know my office protocals which includes them having a seat in the reception area rather than standing over my shoulder. This same coworker was used the word "timid" said that my email was "too harsh!" Make up your mind lady!

I let my new office mom talk me into doing a public access cable commercial. I have yet to see it nor am I sure if I want to see the commercial. This woman has been just like my mother since
I got there and she followed me an hour into this corn country town to sell my old car to this lonely old man. She calls and bbm's me to make sure I got home and always wants to know the business, just like my mother.

I still can't believe that Christmas is eight days away. The reason it may not seem like the holiday season is because I'm used to snow around this time and here, there is no snow, just a low 45, which I love.

They say everything is bigger in Texas, that is all I hear. They also use that to desribe eating fatty foods. I told one of my girl BFF's today that I think they feed me so much because they're fattening me up to cook me! Seriously, I don't know if it is because I started around the holiday season or what but there always seems to be food/desserts in the office. When I went home for Thanksgiving, my fail had too many comments about how thin I had gotten, they won't have that complaint this time.

Hopefully I will finish my last minute Christmas shopping this weekend. I still have the ex/bff, coworkers, to whom I'm thinking I will bake for, also I want to get my sis another gift. My thirteen year-old neices asked for skinny jeans, so I will attempt to get those and will probably just give my nephew cash.

Am I the only last minute shopper?

Grrr..

I've tried posting about the BFF's visit for the past half hour and Blogger is just working my nerves. I will just talk about my weekend and attempt to share his visit later.

This was a very busy weekend for me. I'd like to say one of the busiest weekends since I've been here. Guess what everybody! I went to a movie alone today! It was so liberating. I saw A.rmored and I really enjoyed it. I also went to church today, the mall and T.arget.

When I got home I started on laundry and a bit of cleaning, although it won't all get done today. Wanna hear something messed up? I bought a bottle of wine from the store that I was going to have with a bag of popcorn as dinner. Why oh why did I bust it as I got it out of the car?! If anyone happened to look out the window at that very moment, they would have saw a grown woman having a temper tantrum. I was so freaking mad but all I could think of was that must mean I wasn't supposed to have it.

I've been doing so much thinking lately. Thoughts all over the place. I am so sure some has to do with the new year upon us, I attribute the other portion to the fact that I'm in a new place and thinking about the unknown.

I had a real fear of the unknown when I was younger but this move has definitely taught me that when it is all said and done, as long as I'm obedient, I will be taken care of. I have been thinking about relationships a lot too. It's like I know that I want a husband and kids, but then I think of all I will be giving up. I cherish the little things, like being able to have the temperature in my place on the setting I want. I think about knowing that what is in my refrigerator when I leave for work will be there when I get off. I think about being able to come and go as I please now and how I will have to also let go of that.

Then all that thinking started to give me a headache so I pushed it aside for the time being. I have to say more than I am ready for a family, I actually have to be ready. There's a great guy in my life who wants all these things with me but at the same time it scares me.

This is too much thinking for a Sunday night. I hope everyone had a good weekend. With me not getting a signal at home the past couple of weeks, my blogging has been really scarce. I know that I need to just throw in the towel and subscribe but I didn't want to get cable/net and I haven't fuly furnished my place yet. But anyway, enough babbling.

December Already?!

Where has the time gone folks? I'm not too sure myself. I'm sure you all saw that it snowed here. I felt like a cartoon character actually seeing it, picture a Looney Tunes character with bulging eyes! I swore I moved to get away from snow and here it was hitting us first. There was a plus to the snow, we got dismissed from work early and the freeways were so light, I actually made it home in record time.

I am just getting over a cold that my supervisor passed on to me, ever-so-graciously! I was in bed all weekend, you would have thought an old lady lived with me because it reeked of Vicks.

I'm pumped working on my resolutions for next year and I just need to write them down. As I have been seeing a lot of people say, I really think that 2010 will be a good year for me. Things have all started aligning to make the upcoming year being great a reality.

I have yet to really venture out and attend any places or events alone but I'm working on it. If its not dental issues, it's visitors or being sick but it is still on the agenda.

To those of you who go out alone, how do you prepare for an evening alone? Any tips would be appreciated.

The Visit Plus More

Time has slipped away since I've gotten here. I wake up at 6am and get home around 6pm. Traffic has been the only con to my move, I thought NY traffic was crazy until..

My sister got in yesterday and my ex left Saturday. Our visit had both ups and downs but ended on a very good note. I'm still unsure of what is happening between us but I missed US.

Work has still been going well. Friday I was “reminded” of how great I am at Excel and I had to fish a formula out of the millions of possible options and surprised even myself with the perfect equation. I was sent four emails from a lady who decided that she would like read reciepts, there is something about agreeing to them that irks me.

I got my ex to assemble the tv that my apartment gave me as a part of signing my lease and it was defective. The chick at the leasing office was acting like a real snob about me getting a replacement set, I think she felt somehow it was coming out of her pocket. Nonetheless, they gave me a tv and it works perfect!

Last Sunday I went to church with a new friend that was introduced to me by S23. She was really nice and I got to meet some of her family and enjoyed breakfast together. I have been really blessed to continously meet people who go above and beyond to make my new home more enjoyable.

I will be catching up on blog reading this week, I feel so out of the loop!

Good Times

The past few days have been a blur. Work has been going great. My entire office has been friendly, three different people welcomed me with a hug. Being that you all know I'm not the most affectionate person, I took the hugs in stride. The picture attached is what my supervisor made me. She actually admitted she went to "Clown College," but she did it to become a volunteer at different agencies.

We somehow got on the subject of cooking and I mentioned how I loved baking. I never made anything for my last office but the office I was in before working with the Dragon Lady was treated often to my hobby. I definitely intend on trying out a few new recipes I found on my new office.

One lady sees to it that I get home every night, she's so motherly. She has shared a lot about herself and her family as well as about different people in the office. I like that I don't feel like she's prying when she asks me about different things. Once I feel like someone is just being nosey and overwhelming me with questions, I basically do all I can to discontinue communication.

Hm...what else? Oh my ex that was also my bff and I reconnected. I got in touch with him a week before I came down here. We had a great week after we talked through a lot of issues and have been talking ever since. He is coming to visit me Friday and I'm excited. I'm not thinking anything into the future, we live hundreds and hundreds of miles away. It will just be nice to see him. I hope that I don't want to strangle him by the time he leaves after his week-long visit. It's been brought to my attention that I tend to show people inadvertently that they're getting on my nerves.

My sister will be getting in the day after he leaves. She will hang out here with me for the week and we fly back home together for Thanksgiving. Going from Eastern to Central time, then having Daylights saving has got my body all out of whack. I am trying to get adjusted to the timing because it seems just wrong going to bed at eight.

Since I've Been Gone

I will try to keep this short as possible but a lot has been going on. So Saturday morning I dropped my dad off at the airport. I was going a bit stir-crazy being in the hotel with him for so many days but as the time neared for him to leave, I began to get sad.

As we approached the airport he gave me a talk of reassurance which he said that I would be blessed with this move and to always pay my tithes. He told me how proud I made him and how I'd succeed at anything I that I attempt. I tried not to cry but I couldn't help it. I got out the car and ran over to his side to hug him goodbye.

I hate to admit it but this daddy's girl cried the whole ride back to the hotel. I texted him thanking him again for driving down the 20 hours with me and for helping me drive and all the support.

I had gotten a sew-in weave and it had drove me crazy since the first night. I scratched until I couldn't scratch any more and decided to take it out. The reason I got the hair is because I didn't want finding a new hair stylist to be a pressing issue for me since I had so many other things to do to get settled in.

After getting my hair done I went to move the rest of my things into the dorm. I saw a couple of other women who were staying there, one white lady and two black women about my age. I spoke to them and they were so dry. The white lady actually offered to help me carry my things in so I gladly accepted her offer.

I went to orientation on Monday and thats when I found out that they don't allow cell phones and we could only wear certain colors. On top of that, we could only carry $2 maximum and we couldn't use umbrellas so I was forced to wear a poncho in pouring down rain. Although I knew working at a prison would come with restrictions, giving up my phone was the worse rule of all that was being thrusted upon me.

The men stared and made comments and I was even told by one of the employees that the men at my prison unit would "love me." That comment made my skin crawl. I met a lady who happened to live across the street from the dorm I stayed in and her offering to let me carpool turned into me driving her because her van suddenly broke. She insisted upon chatting the entire drive which included asking me 50 questions and telling me that her daughter wanted to be Michelle Obama for Halloween. The conversation ended on a quiet note when she said her husband advised against the daughter being Mrs.Obama because of all the Nazis in the area. That made me feel like wow, I have to wear my black mask every day, maybe I need to hurry and move.

Wednesday morning I woke up to excruciating pain and a swollen face. Turns out my wisdom tooth was the culprit. I drove to orientation slowly, trying not to focus on my tooth. A nurse in the class asked was I alright and I told her I wasn't feeling good, she pointed out my face being double the size on one side. They referred me to a dentist and I headed there. The dentist referred me to a specialist who quoted me a price of approximately $800 for the extraction.

Thursday I got a job offer from the company that I left two days early to come down here to interview for which was for a better position and higher salary. I was thrilled! I accpeted the offer. Now I had to come up with an explanation for quitting and find somewhere to live because I was pretty sure once you quit a place, they don't let you continue to use their perks like housing.

Friday I had a mission to find an apartment. Not only did I find one, but they offered a 32inch tv for signing the lease. I moved my things in Saturday and yesterday. I told the lady that recruited me that I would be resigning. She was in shock but was nice nonetheless. I also got my wisdom tooth pulled. I am on pain meds so that is how I am able to fill you guys in on what has been going on. I am trying to recover and take care of business before my new job starts Monday.

Finally!

Hey Guys!!! I finally made it down to Texas. The drive was about 20 hours but I arrived safely. There is so much to do and I am making a list of what all that I need to get done.

My sister gave me a party Saturday and my friends and family came. I'm really going to miss them all but thanks to modern technology, I'm never too far away. I actually got really sad the last couple of days.

Well I am going to try to get a bit of rest, I'm beat. I will give you all more details soon!!

A Decade

So I’ve been out of school for officially ten years now. This past weekend was our reunion weekend and I went to each activity that was held over the weekend. It was really nice seeing everyone, some people I hadn’t seen since graduation and some I could definitely go another ten years without seeing.

Friday night was bowling and I actually bowled a pretty good game. A couple classmates that I’ve known since elementary school showed up and it was nice talking with them. When it was just about time to go a fight ensued between two guys and the police came out in droves, at that point I decided it was time to go.

Saturday night was club night. We met at some hole in the wall that only had about twenty people when I arrived at about 11:00pm. The club had the nerve to have a $50 minimum if you were using your credit/debit card. I thought that was a huge joke, I’ve never heard of such a high limit being placed as a minimum.

There was a classmate of mine at the weekend’s festivities who was friends with Scott back when we were dating. It made me cringe to see him. He tried befriending me telling me stories about Scott and later asking me for my number. He kept asking me to go to breakfast after bowling but I wasn’t interested. So now back to Saturday. He called himself ignoring me at the club which was fine by me. Somehow during the night he made his way over to me, very much intoxicated.

I was talking to a guy I was friends with and had a crush on back in high school and here comes Drunky causing a scene. He literally hit the guy in the stomach I was talking to as he was reaching out to grab me from behind in the middle of my conversation. I was not impressed at all and I threw my elbow back into him while trying to regain my balance.

My crush was like wow, he was extra possessive and I asked around to see if you guys came together. I said no we didn’t and explained our last interaction was back in 2000 when I was dealing with Scott. Drunky did not get the hint and made it a point to come over a couple other times trying to dance.

We stayed at the club until closing and then my sister dropped me off at home. I turned my phone on silent as I do when I am really exhausted and don’t care to be disturbed. As soon as I hit the bed, I was out.

The next morning I woke up and Drunky had called me at 4am inviting me to the casino for breakfast, I was so glad that I had silenced my phone because he would have surely gotten cussed out.

One set of my girlfriends and I decided we’d have one last lunch together before my move. We had a nice time, we went to Benihana and the chef was taking forever playing with our food, I just wanted to eat. When I have a bit too much to drink I rarely eat so that meal at four was my first attempt at eating for the day. My friend tried convincing me that the only way to beat a hangover was to add more liquor to my system.

After eating we stopped and picked up a few groceries and each went our separate ways. I hadn’t decided if I was going to make it to the Class Dinner or not. I logged into FB and everyone was talking about getting ready so I made myself get ready as a final goodbye to ten years.

The hall that was rented was decorated in our school colors and they even had a huge 1999 balloon. There was catered food, an open bar and my favorite, cake. I decided to partake in wine as we toasted to friendship and those who didn’t live to make it to the reunion, one of my good friends was killed two years ago.

I was the first to leave the gathering and headed across the city to see someone I hadn’t seen in what felt like ages, more to come on that.

Another One Bites The Dust

So I haven’t talked to Teddy since Saturday night. I’m no genius but I’m pretty sure that’s the end of him. I still haven’t the slightest idea what happened nor will I probably ever know the true story. I did what YW suggested, I called him and texted twice and I received no response. Making those communication attempts were huge steps for me so I honestly feel like I made an effort but he just didn’t reciprocate.

I decided to go with this story that I made up to close the chapter of us. He got a call from an ex-girlfriend that he messed around with right before I met him. Their talking had dwindled when he saw what a great catch I was. Well let’s get back to his ex-girlfriend. She called him up Sunday and told him that she was pregnant. He was shocked to hear that he had a child on the way but being the kind of person he is, he decided that he would work things out with her and plan their future together.

He was so torn up about his impending child and hurting me that he decided to just erase himself from my life completely. He told me from day one that he hates confrontation so disappearing was the only rationale option he could make.

I will miss our conversations filled with laughter. I feel that every man I have met lately has been a step up from the one before. I know that one day I will meet my soul mate and I will use all these experiences to cultivate a long-lasting relationship.

I know that this whole story may sound crazy but leaving things incomplete may hinder me from just shaking off that he’s no longer apart of my life. The thing is its not like I have a problem meeting men but it’s the quality ones that seem to be lacking. Oh well, back to the dating scene I go.

Knots

I have knots in my stomach. I hate this feeling and whenever I have it my head is all over the place at the same time. I didn’t communicate with Teddy at all yesterday. This has been the first time since July that we haven’t spoken.

Our last conversation was Saturday night. I had called him after I attended my friend’s wedding reception and he was asleep. I asked him if he was watching tv and he said that actually it was watching him. So I said well then talk to you tomorrow. Yesterday came and went and nothing.

In the past, if someone goes MIA I just wait for them to resurface, they always do. This time, I could barely sleep last night wondering what was up. So I texted him this morning like I normally do and told him that I hope everything is going alright. Well he normally replies immediately to my texts but not today.

So now, I’m kind of confused as to what to do. I’ve learned in the past that if something like this happens, you worry thinking something may be wrong with the person. But I’ve found that 99.9% of the time, there’s nothing wrong with them at all and they’ve gone “missing” by choice. I kind of made it up in my mind that if I don’t hear from here either tonight or tomorrow that I will call him.

I already feel like I’m taking a big leap outside of my comfort zone by even reaching out to him since he hasn’t contacted me. I honestly just want to know that nothing is wrong. If he somehow decided that he didn’t want to talk any more than there’s nothing I can do about it. I just hate the knots in my stomach and not knowing.

What would you all do?

Day Off

I am at home typing this post this chilly Tuesday morning. You see, I went in to work this morning and started running reports. My supervisor asked me if I had today off because she thought I did. I told her no, I had a few days off last week but not today.

About five minutes later she comes back saying that I had been suspended and asked if I had read the write-up they gave me. I told her no, I hadn't. So to be evil, they suspended me on a Tuesday rather than yesterday because why let me enjoy a 3 day weekend.

The joke was definitely on her, I said oh okay, laughed and packed up my things. Now I get to enjoy the comfort of home and take care of some business.

I got some not-so-great news yesterday. A job that I am contemplating accepting came back with a salary amount and I am very displeased. I'm not sure if I should just take it because its getting my foot in the door and it is a full time, permanent position or if I should just try to find temporary work so that I have time to look for other jobs.

It was suggested to me that I just keep doing what I have been and I've gotten two offers so far so there is a possibility that if I wait it out at my job a bit longer that I will find a better paying job and then I can relocate with ease. I'm not sure if its my determination or my disdain to stay at my job longer than I can tolerate.

At this moment, I have no idea what to do but I really don't believe that at the rate I'm going that I can last much longer at my job without getting fired or incarcerated.

Excitement

I had a very long and tiring weekend. Two of my siblings had birthdays so this weekend was all about family. Teddy went to an away football game, so by the time he got in at 2am, I was knocked out. He did let me know he was home though, which I thought was nice.

I found myself really missing him Saturday. Sunday he texted me to see what I was up to but I was with family so I agreed to call him later. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and told him that I really missed not talking to him. He said that he missed me too. It felt liberating actually telling someone how I felt without the fear of losing myself.

So last night he got me really excited about this week. This will be the week that I officially give notice to clear out of here. It is going to be all sweet, no bitterness at all, well not on my part anyway. Any suggestions on what to say. I was thinking....

Dear Sup,
cc:Dragon Lady

I quit! My last day will be ________.



Trish

Do you guys think that's too wordy?

Just Die Already

If you thought this post was about Dragon Lady and my supervisor then you're wrong, lol! No, this post is about the wretched gnats that won't die. I have bug bombed the house two times in the last month and they just won't die. I have flying insect spray that I use but it just seems to empower them to live longer, I have no idea how to be rid of these annoying suckers.

Before my brother came to stay here with me, I was gnat-free. Now all of a sudden, they just won't die. He leaves take-out containers on the table for days and just sits his dishes on the counter. I don't have to tell you that I can't wait to get the hell out of this house. The countdown is just about to begin.

He has been acting like a brat about the fact that he has to move out once I'm gone. If he was more responsible, he'd probably get more time here but he isn't, so he has to go. He's been here since July and hasn't bought one roll of tissue, one bar of soap, nor paper towel..see where I'm going with this?

I have began selling furniture and each time he comes home and notices something is missing he comments how soon he'll be sleeping on the floor. My next mission is to sell the stove, fridge and dishwasher.

He has less than a month to find a place and he is being picky about apartment complexes, stating that he doesn't want to "get shot". At this point, he will have a better chance of being shot if he is homeless because he's to saddity to settle for what he can afford now and let me just throw in that he delivers pizza for a living. Now, no offense to anyone who may deliver pizzas but his income is not at the level where he can pick and choose at this moment.

I took three days off work and today I spent 312 minutes on the phone with B.lackberry trying to get my new phone issues resolved. I pretty much wasted today but I took care of business yesterday and I will do a few more things tomorrow.

In A Relationship...

So I'm sure this topic has been discussed in Blogland, maybe even by one you but I possibly missed it. This topic is in reference to FB relationship statuses.

The other night Teddy and I were talking about this topic and I wondered how you all felt about it. Personally, I have only been in a couple relationships since hitting the FB scene. I'm really private when it comes to everyone knowing all my business so I took off the relationship line totally.

When I was with this last Ex, he had originally wanted to put in a relationship but I talked him out of it and he deleted the relationship line totally as well. I was always reluctant to put up pictures of us because we had a lot of common friends and again, I didn't want the world looking at our relationship nor trying to cause problems.

After telling Teddy that I didn't put up pics of the Ex originally I began to feel bad about some of my actions with him. I'm thinking of asking him to lunch to talk before I leave for TX.

The next relationship I enter I am going to be more open to his feelings and needs. I realized that because I wasn't feeling my relationship with the Ex 100% I wasn't giving it my all and that wasn't fair to either one of us. Relationships are about compromise and trying to keep the other person happy without losing yourself. I believe that I have learned alot over this past year, I honestly feel like I've grown and I'm ready for this next phase in life.

When talking with Teddy he said he wasn't pressed about the whole relationship status either way. I thought that was a small sigh of relief, however we got into talking again about the posting of pics. My thing with that is that although you don't have it posted that you're in a relationship, if your constantly adding pics of the two of you together, isn't that showing what is going on without saying it?

I think that these trivial things sometimes blow up to unwanted drama. After breaking up with the Ex I was grateful I hadn't put the relationship status because I have seen first hand how nosey and insensitive people are when someone's relationship ends.

I know I'm thinking way too much on this because ultimately, the relationship itself is more important than any statuses, comments or opinions from anyone else.

So I'm interested in hearing everyone's take on this topic and/or experiences.

Outside Myself

Unfortunately, I didn’t hold it together as well as I wanted to in my meeting today with Dragon Lady, the sup and union rep.

As I figured, they wanted to call me to a meeting to reiterate what they asked in the emails, basically chastising me about the emails. I told them that I felt like I was being hassled and how everything that I did was under scrutiny and that I hated coming to work and something had to change and soon.

My supervisor said that I didn’t have common sense when it came to office practices and I lit into her. I told them that the meeting was pointless because I know that the write up is coming. I also told them if they thought I was so incompetent then they should fire me because I am tired of them finding little things to complain about.

Another thing they pointed out was that Wimp asked me to type up a form for him. I typed the form and emailed him saying that I had the form ready in my office when he was ready. They said I was being disrespectful expecting him at his title to come and get anything from me and I should have taken it to him. My reply was, “Yeah, cause I was asking him to fetch it huh? I must be so insignificant that I can run stuff all around but he’s too good? He comes down for anything else. If he had a problem with getting work from an amoeba like me, he should have said so.”

I relayed to them that in seven years of working for my company, you are the only two who have ever had a problem with me. Everything I do is wrong, and if I’m so useless and you want to get rid of me just fire me because I’m tired of being harassed.

Dragon Lady said that she wanted me to say I’d do better. I honestly couldn’t say it, felt like making a deal with the devil. I’m getting written up anyway, not about to kiss her a$$.

The union rep was really sweet; she kept trying to calm me down. She spoke during the meeting asking what harm the lack of copying did and my boss said that it wasn’t what happened but what “could have” happened. After the meeting, the union rep came in my office and she told me about how God never gives us more than we can handle. That was somewhat comforting but I just wanted to leave for the day.

So I know that soon enough I will be away from here. As the countdown nears, I am going to seek opinions on what to include in my two week notice. I know that somewhere someone likes their job, one day, I’d like to be one of those people.

I Think Therefore I Am

I am really trying to be positive this morning. It seems that as soon as I start to build up money something happens. The latest little fiasco is that on Labor Day it rained hard and fast. I remembered to let my windows of my car up thankfully, but I didn't remember to let up the sunroof.

On top of wet seats, my car has a smelly odor. That means that this weekend I will have to get it shampooed which will be about $100. Over the weekend I got something fixed on my car called "Control Arms" and that cost me $400. The car repair was a necessity, there was no way my car waws equipped to make a 24 hour drive the way it was functioning. Then my phone broke and is literally hanging by the hinges so I had to order a new one. It was time for my renewal anyway so I got somewhat of a deal although I still had to come out of pocket.

The good thing is that I have sold a couple of items and I may actually balance out even but we'll see. I have someone who wants to buy my couch and loveseat this weekend. She also may be interested in my bedroom set so that'd be a plus. Now ask me what I'd sleep on in the meantime and I'll tell you I have no idea yet, lol!

Today the Singles Ministry at my church kicks back into full gear and today's topic is s.e.x. This will make for very interesting conversation, I'm already sure of it. The Pastor will be facilitating and he's hilarious on regular topics so this one won't disappoint.

I will stay optimistic that today will be a good day. I will begin the countdown soon, I am so anxious to be out of here.

Meeting

So my supervisor came in my office about an hour ago telling me that Dragon Lady would like to meet with me to discuss my poor work performance last week. It took everything in me to not throw the lamp on my desk.

I had spoken with the union rep Friday after all those emails so she and I had plans to meet Thursday. Well I called her today to tell her about this meeting they want to have and she advised me to email them saying I wanted union representation.

I've been with my company over seven years and although I pay union dues bi-weekly, I've never had to use them. I feel mad and cornered. They are trying to make me out to be incompetant over some stupid a$$ emails. Not like the work wasn't done. The more I think about it, the more pissed I am.

After sending the email to them about my wanting a rep there, I wanted to email them my two week notice. I called my dad, my clear-thinking conscience. He said not to let them mess up my plans and the reason I chose the date I had was because I wanted to have a certain amount of savings and I should stick to that date.

It is going to take everything in me to stay here until then. One of my BFF's counted down for me that its only 16 more work days before my notice. That seems small but then again, so far from now.

Nagging

Today has been one very stressful day for me. Dragon Lady and my supervisor are both tag-teaming me with emails that are to cause trouble for me. Here's an example of one:

Trish,

I received this email from Wimp and I don't see where you copied Dragon Lady or me on the original communication that you sent to Wimp and Nice Guy regarding Employee A's FMLA Notification. Your instructions include a requirement that you copy Dragon Lady and me when you forward. Please explain.

I have no idea how to reply to this email. It has been sitting in my inbox for a couple hours. The other email from her is similar and the email from Dragon Lady is asking why I never replied to an email from JUNE although the work itself was done, no email was sent.

In both cases the work was done on time and correct but they want to gripe about a damn email. I'm just mad. I work with the pettiest bit$#es on earth. I am almost convinced I am changing my last day to sooner than I originally planned. I don' t know how much more I can take from them before I let them know how I really feel.

Weekend & Realizations

I am sitting at work exhausted. My flight was delayed last night due to rain and storms. I got in early this morning and when my alarm clock went off, I thought it was a cruel joke.

So the weekend with Toot was good for the most part. I’m not sure what it was, but it’s like the thrill has worn off for me. I found myself wanting to talk to Teddy more and more. All I could think of was that I wasn’t going to let Toot jeopardize the possibility of a future with someone else. It was actually quite funny, he was encouraging me to call Teddy while we were together but I wouldn’t humor him.

Meeting the family went just as I pictured it. They were just as he described them and I really enjoyed talking to his mother. There were a couple of awkward moments, including one where his mom made a statement saying that from all he had told her about me, she was surprised that he and I weren’t together. All I could do was sit there; I didn’t want to even comment on that.

Another moment came when he asked me to take off the ring he bought me and handed it to his mother. She was like, “oh when did you get this?” That is when I explained to her that he got me that back in May.

Toot and I talked about my move and a couple of other things but it just wasn’t really the same. I am actually quite relieved about all of this. When it was about time for me to leave, I told him that every time I see him, I think it will be the last time.

I really feel like Teddy has great potential and he’s at the same place I am I my life, unlike Toot. He and I have so many commonalities it makes me pause at times. I am trying to really be the person I was before I got my heart stomped on but sometimes it’s so hard. I know that I have to get over the past in order to have a successful future. The craziest part is that he has had his heart broken too so he also has his defenses up a bit. All I think is that can’t be good for us both to have them so I am making a conscious effort to slowly break away my fifteen foot wall.

Rambling

Good Morning All!

My morning has started off good and I anticipate it staying upbeat. I even had time to get M.ega Millions tickets this morning. My sister dropped me off early so that gave me time to complete a personality assessment for this position I applied for at a hospital.

I am all packed and ready to go and will be heading for the airport straight from work. I talked to Toot for a bit last night and Aunt Flo had me acting a bit mean to him but oh well, he'll live.

For some reason it seems that he's dead-set on me meeting his family. He asked if it would be alright if we all went to lunch Sunday. I said that it was fine but the more I think about it...I don't know, whatever.

Reality is setting in that next week will be September, putting me one month away from the BIG MOVE. I was talking about it with this new interest in my life last night. Well we've actually been talking about a month in a half but I haven't mentioned him to anyone but Toot. Why is it we sometimes think we'll jinx something if we mention it?

I think I moreso haven't mentioned it to anyone because they'll just say that this is just like when I met Toot and discount the entire situation. Teddy, just really appears to be a stand-up man. We share alot of the same values and we share common future goals. Talking about plans and constant laughter is apart of our daily routine.

Oh I got another call yesterday right before I left for a position that I applied for a couple weeks back. The lady wanted to know if I had time for a brief phone interview and I responded "definitely." Our conversation went well and she told me that I'd definitely be hearing from them. I hung up feeling positive and knowing that when it is all said and done, that things will work in my favor.

I really need to step up my saving game. I was thinking of living off cereal until I get to my savings, lol! We'll see how that goes.

Just Stuff

So my neck is still in pain but a lot better than yesterday. I put on two types of icy/hot patches last night. I actually wore two thin patches to work today.

I had a telephone interview today. It's not quite the location I wanted its right on the Mex border. I think the interview went pretty good though. There were three people interviewing me and the main interviewer had a very heavy accent. He notified that they'd contact all candidates either way. I actually feel that all places should do this, evevn if by email, if a potential candidate took out the time to interview the least you can do is inform them the position has been filled.

Last night after work a long-time friend of mine did some work to my car. He gave me a pretty reasonable rate but of course I need more things done, including struts. Cars cost so much to maintain. When I meet my Mr. Right, that will be his job as I hate dealing with all things car related.

I didn't have lunch today so I am anticipating getting off so that I can have dinner. I have to go to the nail shop first and I just hope my stomach isn't growling too loudly. I have yet to tell my roomie-brother that I am heading out of town for the weekend, I will have to be sure to tell him tonight. Luckily, my sister will babysit for me so that is taken care of along with my ride to the airport, which is my sis too. She lives about five mins away so I am going to leave my car at her house while I'm gone.

Crook

No not a thief, the pain you get in your neck. That's what I'm experiencing right now. I am so miserable. I'm not sure if this is a result of bad sleeping or if I tore something.

To add to my rough starting morning, my neighbor's dog was in my yard yet again this morning. It's a bulldog and he tried to intimidate me with his stares and extra tight lips. The worse part is my little baby was back there. She weighs all of 10lbs and isn't spayed, I would be livid if he impregnated her.

I have tried knocking on their door, that happens to be wide open, including the screen almost all day and no one will answer. So after him coming back there 3x I left them a note. Apparently, they don't give a spit about my note.

I was thinking I'd teach them a lesson and lock the dog in my garage. I know that's mean but the only other option I can come up with is Animal Control.

What do you think?

Driving in to work was definitely a challenge trying to switch lanes, so I stayed in the slowest lane as long as I could. I just want to be pain free. My fingers and arm is tingling too and moving my next brings this sharp pain in my back.

Why Today?

Today, I got three calls to come in for interviews....sounds good right? Well that would be great news if I could hop on the Magic S.chool Bus and have it get me to Texas. All three companies wanted me to come in this week. Not only are the last minute flights priced ridiculously high but I am not allowed to take off work for three weeks because it is our busy season. If I call in sick, I will most definitely get written up and I would have to produce a doctor's note.

I started off today really happy and hopeful. I am trying to look on the bright side that at least there are companies interested in me, but at the same time, I'm still pretty mad that I can't take any of the interviews.

Part of me wants to just give my two weeks notice now and then reality sets in. With a very small savings and no job lined up, only a fool would quit there job in hopes of getting an interview.

It doesn't help that Aunt Flo is trying to visit me and I'm heading out of town this weekend. I just need to regroup.

Get A Life

So I’m sitting at work dog tired and fantasizing about a nap. It’s almost noon and in walks my supervisor. She’s been on “vacation” this week but has still been calling me asking me to do work related favors.

Who on earth would come in on a Thursday when they have been off since the prior week?? She really needs to get a life. She loves the attention and it’s so irritating.

There is someone else at work that I would like to get a life. That person is the custodian for my department. He cries and whines like a baby when we throw toner in the garbage. Allegedly, the toner is detrimental to the health of the human body…so why do you want me to throw it away Mr. Custodian?

He has been causing ruckus on my entire floor about these damn toner cartridges. So being the Office Manager, people have decided that they’ll give ME the cartridges since he always complains to them when they place them in the trash. So a coworker has her staff person give me a used cartridge. Irritated and sleep-deprived I asked my coworker if she wanted me to take the toner home with me.

People are just so lazy and will do as little as possible and many people here get away with that. I on the other hand am bombarded with stuff to do everyday and if I don’t drop everything and wipe their noses and say coddle them, they have a fit.

I have one more person to add to the get a life list. This homeless pan approached me while I filled up for gas before heading to work asking me if I’d like him to pump it and I responded, “no.” After thinking over my response he informed me that he’d like a honey bun and some milk. My eyes almost popped out of my head. I work everyday and I haven’t had breakfast, what do I look like taking requests from someone who begs all day.

I ended up telling him to back up because he was too close. In the meantime, the gas station attendant got on the speaker telling the man to leave the premises. The pump I was at didn’t work so I asked her if the pump was broke and she said “no, I just don’t want him at this gas station.” “Lady, I don’t want him here either”, I thought to myself. Homeless guy decides to go in and have a shouting match with the attendant. I got in the car and left without gas. Too much idiocy for one morning!!

They Always Come Back

That's a phrase that my sister and I use in terms of men. They never seem to fully move on with their lives, at some point they always throw out a line to see if we'll bite. This has been an ongoing thing with me since I was a teenager. JT still calls to check up on me from time to time and we always wish each other a happy birthday and its been 12 years.

Its something about not letting people go from my life. Now I don't talk to Scott anymore but a couple other exes do still call to see how I'm doing from time to time. I have a point to all this, don't worry.

Toot and I have been back talking. Surprised? Probably not. I told you guys that I saw him last month and we've been talking still. I really tried to not deal with him but there is some kind of energy between us that makes his presence always wanted. I'm not crazy, I know that the situation we have is still very much present but its like, I really don't care at this point.

It's reckless, I know. My emotions are under control for the most part, even though at times, knowing that there's a possibility that we'll never get together sometimes would make me sad.

We are both very open about whats going on in our lives, so I told him about a guy that I've been talking to. He was jealous, it was a bit cute. The last guy that I met, he didn't seem to care about at all but that's probably because he knew I wasn't feeling the guy like that.

I can't be a hypocrite and blast on him for being a little mad that I met someone. I say that because I'm guilty of being that way in the past myself. I think a lot of us have been guilty of not being with someone but not wanting them to be with anyone else.

So jokingly yesterday he asked me if the new guy and I were married yet. I laughed and dismissed his silly question. He has been making even more of an effort to talk now and has done a couple of grand gestures. I asked him what has brought all this on and he said "this new guy you're talking to, I can't let him take you away from me."

The truth is though that the new guy I met, there is something special about him. We always find ourselves laughing and just enjoying each other. He seems to have all that I'm looking for in a potential partner and he has expressed the same interest in me. I know that I really like him because when he and I are on the phone and Toot calls, he gets first priority and I tell Toot that I'll call him when I'm done or if it's late, I don't click over at all, I just call him after I'm off.

There was a time when I'd get off the phone with my own mother to talk to him but things seem to be evolving. Now here is where I contradict myself...despite the fact that I have another interest, I let him talk me into taking a trip together next week. Right, crazy. I haven't told anyone about this and possibly its because I know that I'm wrong and really don't care to be lectured.

I did tell him that I still intend on talking to the new guy at night so he better deal with it. I know that at some point, I will have to stop him from trying to be apart of my life, but for now, that time hasn't come.

BFF Betrayal (Conclusion)

He already knew something was up when he came outside because I was enraged. His story was that she was making all of that up and it never happened. See, LSE had been diagnosed with Schizophrenia the year that all this happened, she was institutionalized for a good two months. He was so manipulative that he tried to use her illness as a means of getting out what he had actually done. I still didn’t think that this was an acceptable excuse for her to get out of it. I felt that she wasn’t all that crazy because she hid what she was doing and kept it a secret for four years. I guess after so much time had passed, he felt that he’d be able to take his secret to the grave.

I was in his face in the street yelling and screaming and he told my friend to get me and take me home. I had my finger in his face, pushing and poking him, asking him if she didn’t take me home, what exactly was he going to do to me?!

In retrospect, it was too much of a show to give the neighbors and too much satisfaction to give him, seeing that I was so upset. He even tried to say that the only reason LSE had come forth with these details was because she knew he and I had been talking about getting back together.

Sometimes I wish that I’d never known about the betrayal and pain she caused me. I was a mess during finals. I couldn’t sleep, eat and all I could do was cry. I felt like one of my best friends had literally died.

The worse part about the whole ordeal is that I still have to see her on occasions because my other three BFFs are still friends with her. They support the mental illness claim and are still very much apart of each other’s lives. I, on the other hand only deal with her when I had to. For a split moment last night, while sitting next to her at dinner, I had a flashback to the incident but with the help of a Raspberry Margarita, I quickly shook those thoughts.

As for Scott, unfortunately I ran into him three years ago. He actually had gotten married and his wife was there. She told me how she had heard so much about me and was pleased to meet me. I sat there wondering what the hell she had I actually heard. I felt bad for her because they only dated a year and she had no idea what she had gotten herself into. I was looking extra good that day, I had just left a wedding, but too bad I couldn’t say the same for him. Luckily for him, the wedding reception had an open bar or I think we would have had round two at D&B. He had put some kind of curl kit in his hair and picked up a good fifty pounds. He literally ran up to me and picked me up. I was cordial and spoke to him for a few minutes.

Scott couldn’t get over how nice I was and how great I looked. I told him that he acted like I was a mean, ugly monster when we were together, to which he said well……At that point, I snapped on him telling him he have me more than enough reason to behave the way I acted with him. He froze and said you’re right. To add creepiness to the mix, he asked me if I still stayed at my parents because every time that he rode by, he never saw my car. Um…why are you looking for my car? Finally, I had had enough socializing with him and we parted ways.

Oddly enough, about six months later, my sister was on an online personals page and ran across his profile stating he was on there “looking for love.” Knowing him, his wife had no clue what he was up to. Ladies, please take the time to get to know these men before you say “I DO.”

BFF Betrayal (Part 2)

I would later come to find out that he didn’t have his degree by some fluke. Apparently, he took classes while he was in the military oversees and in a classroom where he was stationed. Somewhere along the lines, his ship courses never got sent to the campus so he had all these gaps and missing prereqs for certain courses. I had never heard of anyone else who had this kind of situation. To make matters worse he admittedly told me that his mother did have another child but she had given her up for adoption.

The month I was to graduate, to be more precise, the week of finals, my BFF, LSE ( Low Self-Esteem) decided to come clean with me that she and Scott had sex four years earlier while he and I were together and that he took her virginity. Again, I had another moment where I just lost it. She actually called me over to her house and had a friend there (in case I jumped on her and wouldn't get off I'm assuming.) You didn't need back up when you were doing your dirt, but now you need it to come clean?

I didn’t know who I was more mad at, her my friend of over 10 years or him. I was then and to this day am one of those women who takes it up with my man for cheating, not trying to find the other woman and release my frustration on her. But seeing as though she was my best friend, they both felt my wrath.

I told her how she acted so holier than thou to all of us telling, saying that fornicating was wrong and how we were sinners. She was also lecturing another of the BFFs about how she shouldn’t be the other woman. When all her dirt came out, she claims that’s why she felt she could give advice because she was the other woman. I told her she was nothing but some @ss. He never did anything with nor for her. He took advantage of a gullible, no confidence having hoe. There was more but I won’t go into all the specifics.

As far as him, I tried calling that night but it was late and he had already went to bed. So the next morning I told him I wanted to come over, he had just moved in with his aunt. My family tried talking me out of confronting him and even blocked me in the driveway so that I didn’t make matters worse. I drove across the grass and took my girl with me and on came the confrontation.....

BFF Betrayal (Part 1)

Last night I went to dinner with my BFFs since elementary school. We were known as the Fab 5, totally inseparable. But as it happense most times, there was a wrench thrown into the great wheel of friendship. Unfortunately, I was the vicitim of betrayal by one of my besties.

After dealing with the hell that JT put me through, the man I met after him, Scott, was like a warm spring day. He was so doting, affectionate and giving. He persued me and eventually won my heart. Scott was all the things that JT wasn't. He had a degree, no kids and had been in the military. He was an only child that rarely saw his family so the fact that my family was so big worked well because he enjoyed hanging out with us.

Slowly, but surely, things began to fall apart right before me. I had a pregnancy scare and as we discussed the possibilities of "if we were parents," he decided at that time to reply, "What do you mean IF, I have two kids."

I don't really remember much else of what happened after that, I truly think I had an out of body experience. We were at I.HOP and I was in there acting a complete fool. Everyone was looking at us, but like I said, I wasn't me, so I couldn't help myself.

Eventually he got me in the car and tried to calm me down but there was nothing that he could say at that point. He dropped me off at home and let me cool down, but that didn't work. I went home crying to my mother that I thought I was pregnant and how he was such a liar.

In true form, her way of consoling me was informing me that if I was, I would have to move out of her and my dad's house. I was devastated. I was pouring my heart out to her and all she could say was how in the midst of all that was going wrong, that I could add homelessness to the list. I was 19 and a sophomore in college, I was working but it wasn’t enough to really set out on my own.

It was at that point, that I decided that I knew for certain that I couldn’t share everything with my mom like a lot of my friends. I had always hoped that we could have an honest, open relationship but her reaction confirmed that certain things parents shouldn’t know...

Anyway, stupidly, I took him back after a while. I would later come to find out.....

Let's Get Ready to Rumble

Just when I thought that I would finally have some peace in the house, here comes more headaches. So my little brother has decided to stay in the States and work. His wife has been IM-ing & calling me to vent. There is only so much I want to say since I am really trying not to get back caught up in their ridiculous fights.

It's so sad because yesterday she made a comment about no matter how much they fight verbally and physically, they both know neither of them are going anywhere. I just sat there with my face semi-twisted.

Ok back to the reason for this post. I'm not sure if you all will believe me but in some ways my brother is actually worse than my sister. I thought I'd finally be able to live in a clean house and here he comes, The Tasmanian Devil. I swear, you'd think he was a stripper the way he has clothes all over the house. He'll have shorts in the livingroom, underwear in the bathroom, a t-shirt in the office, its like WHAT THE HELL!

I was trying to just be cool until he left which was scheduled for this coming Sunday. But since I heard from my mother today that he is supposed to be staying, I HAVE to say something to him before I attack him.

Last night and another night a week or so ago, he left the doors unlocked. While I don't live in the worse neighborhood, I don't live in the best either. I live off of a major street and there is an alley at the corner. I thought that I'd be a bit more comfortable having a male presence in the house but I was safer with just me because I made sure the doors were locked every night.

I mentioned to him last time how I was upset that the doors were left unlocked and he turned around and did it again last night. I started writing a note before I left out this morning but I decided we need to talk one-on-one.

The day before yesterday I took the trash out and was in a hurry. He was home all day but do you think he put another bag in the trash can? Of course not. I finally had to say something to him about it. He started to say something but decided to let his voice trail off instead. Perhaps he remembered that I give him money from time to time and I have let him use my car on numerous occasions since he's been back.

Well he put the bag in the can..I should be happy, right? Wrong! Why didn't he pick up the trash that he had piling up on the counter? He didn't because he's lazy, that's why. He also hasn't washed a dish since he's been there and he leaves loads full on the counter and in the computer room. He doesn't even has the decency to rinse off the dishes he uses, he lets them set and harden before dropping them off on the counter for me to wash.

I have a hair appointment tonight and when I get home, I am going to lay things out for him. If he doesn't help out, he has to go, flat out. I'm tired of cleaning up behind grown folks. The decision is up to me if he stays or goes and I refuse to clean up behing his lazy a$$ anymore.

The Weekend

My weekend was cool for the most part. I stayed in Friday night while my cousins went to a bar for old school night, I just wasn't feeling it. Saturday morning my neices came over at 7:30am and they stayed til around five. We had a good time being silly with one another. I don't see them as much as I used to and I really missed them.

Saturday night I wasn't much up for partying either, in fact, I only left the house to let my dad's dog outside. My brother works at a restaurant so thanks to him, I had dinner without having to go anywhere.

Sunday I got up and went to 8:00 service at church. I enjoyed the message and was glad that I went. My little brother's car apparently broke Saturday some time and it was in front of the house. Sunday when I was headed out the door I noticed its now in the driveway so I wake him up asking him to move it. It was at this time that he informs me that its broken. My thing is, it was broken when it was on the street, why not leave it there or if you're going to attempt to put it in the backyard, get it all the way back there. The car being stalled where it is requires me to drive partially on my neighbor's grass. It has me very irritated that I have to do this. At some point today while I'm here at work, I am going to tell his tail to have that car out of the driveway by the time I get home.

After church I ran a couple errands and went home to clip some coupons. Hey, I'm trying to move, I need all the savings I can get. One of my errands included picking up a mini cake for my mom. There was no special reason behind the cake, other than its her favorite and just a little love token.

I was supposed to see my friend's baby and spend time with her but at around 6ish she texted asking if we could reschedule, which was fine by me. During the course of the day my sister had harassed me about going to the movies. We had just went two weeks ago and I wanted to spend the night in but she tried guilting me into it because she doesn't have any friends, so I decided to go ahead and go.

The theater that she wanted to sells liquor and this was her main focus for wanting to go there. She was surprised when I informed her I didn't want a Daiquirita with her. She offered to buy it for me but the money wasn't the issue. I have been trying to watch what I eat and there are so many cals in those frozen drinks, it makes no sense.

We saw the H.angover. It was funny and the liquor intensified my sister's sense of humor. I had to tell her to quiet down a couple of times. Then this teeny-bopper movie usher came over and asked her to put her phone away. Well she started cussing and fussing about how she's an adult and how she'll cuss him out and he won't do anything about it. I covered my face slightly and resumed watching the movie.

I gave her the cake to give to my mom since they now live in the same apt complex. After that I went home and attempted to watch B.ridezillas but to no avail, about fifteen minutes into the show, my DVR started going haywire. I laid down and got a phone call from this new guy I've been talking to a lot. I will have to give details on him later.

Hope you all had a nice weekend.

A break

So its Wednesday and my week has yet to get better. Usually when I have a downpour of bad, an abundance of blessings are around the corner. I'm trying to just keep to myself so that I don't hurt anyone's feelings in the midst of this storm. It seems like people just don't understand when you don't want to be bothered.

My mother has been trying to force me to talk and that makes me all the more unwilling to talk. Aren't I entitled to want just Trish time? She and I played phone tag until I just said forget it. I think I am going to text her that I will talk to her when my mood is better.

Little brother decided to stay here and work so that he can get the money together for his wife and her son to be able to come back into the States. So of course he asked to use my car today. He was just sitting in the house bs-ing around and I pulled off and left him. Then I had to say to myself, he is using it to work, not just drive around so I went back and got him.

I just need to get my head and emotions together. I don't like feeling like this but I just can't help it. One of my friends mentioned making me dinner tonight. If he doesn't I'm thinking maybe I will treat myself to a movie, just to get out of the house.

What a Way..

...to start a Monday. I was driving in this morning and this truck in front of me hit a piece of what looked like particle board. It flew up in the air and there was no where for me to go so I rolled over it. I immediately heard a scraping sound but I could still drive it. When I got to work to assess the damage, it had almost completely tore off my bumper. I was so angry. There was nothing I could do to avoid it and it wasn't the trucks fault, I have no idea who to blame but the fact remains still that my car is damaged. As soon as I was finally able to start my savings to relocate this happens.

I know that this is just a test for me. I proclaimed last night that I would have a good week and this was a poor attempt to steal that away from me. Luckily, my dad was in the neighborhood and came to look at it. He thinks I should try to get a new bumper from a junk yard and should have someone put it on rather than file an insurance claim. I just hope that this doesn't set me back too much.

My sup is on vacation this week so its just me and Dragon Lady. If she knows whats good, she'll stay out of my way today.

Confession

So I have a confession and who better to share with than you guys. When I went to TX I saw Toot. I know, I know but he had gotten in touch with me and asked to meet up and I couldn't resist. My plan was to just show him how great I am still and even better (I have been working out a couple times a week again).

Well I think I may have made things worse for myself. All those old feelings came rushing back as soon as I saw him. I don't know what it is either. He isn't the best looking guy I ever talked to, nor the tallest and he's a smoker....

Originally our plan was to go to dinner Sunday, which turned to lunch plans instead. Then he asked if we could see each other Saturday too. So seeing him two days in a row was good but bad. The reasons that I stopped talking to him are still very present and yet, I wanted to be in his presence anyway.

Sunday when we parted ways I was sad, I can admit it. We've been talking mostly through email since I left. I've been trying to talk some sense into myself. I did so good those six weeks with no contact. But when he texted me about how he knows I asked him not to contact me but he missed me, I melted and let the barrier down.

I know that suppressing my feelings for him won't help but I'm convinced that once I meet someone that I really like that I won't think about him so much. I hope it happens because I'm really ready to have a happy and healthy relationship.

I feel so much better now that I got to get that off my chest.

He's Here

So guess what everyone? My little brother is home. He will be here for about three weeks. I haven't seen him as of yet though. I heard that he's supposed to have a tude with me because he read a message btw me and his misses about how she doesn't need to go for the treatment he gives her. But he wasn't mad enough to say anything to me about being mad so oh well. Anyways, my mom took it upon herself to tell my brother she heard he was mad at me. He denied it but I know he is. I still love him though, nonetheless and I can't wait to see him.

I think that at some point he will get tired of sleeping on the couch at my parents apartment anc come to the house with me. I'm sure he'll want to use my car and I will more than likely give him some money as well as my other siblings. Hopefully we can all talk some sense into him.

Do you guys know that his wife had the nerve to be mad that he was coming home for a few weeks? Mind you, this is after she called all of us here in the States Saturday, saying that he was being abusive which included pulling her hair and calling her names. My parents thought they better get him away as soon as possible before something happened that neither of them can take back.

Outside My Window

I'm sitting at my desk just gazing out of the window. Before I got this promotion, I always wished for a window. Now that I have one, I think dang, this just makes the work day go longer because I want to be on the other side of the window.

Not too much going on today other than my office piling last minute work on me as they always do before I take vacation. I'm headed down to TX for my "friend's" graduation. He has me kind of nervous, his family has been asking all these questions about me. I feel like I'm going down for an interview. But as long as everyone is cool I'll be fine.

I have a list of things that I need to get done before I leave. When my sup gets back from lunch I am going to run an errand and hopefully be able to grab some lunch too.

After work I have a hair appointment so I hope I'm not there all night. My sister actually agreed to babysit my poochie so I'm relived about that. She came over yesterday and went in her room to gather more of her things and all the while left her bedroom door open. I stood there like the Orkin man, making sure all of the gnats from her room were dead and not trying to escape. I was so annoyed that she had that door open though, I hurried her out of there as quick as I could.

Peace and Quiet

I finally get a day of solitude and it's amazing. I ended up helping my parents and sister move over the weekend and it was very tiring. My parents left their dog here so I have been taking care of him the past couple of days. He's a good dog but so big and affectionate. A lot of times I find myself pushing him off of me.

A couple of weeks ago I interviewed for a job but I didn't get it. I was a bit disappointed but I know that at some point I will get the job that I'm meant to have. I'm just glad I didn't tell too many people because the few people that did know hounded me about it. I know that they were being caring asking about it but its like if I really heard back and they offered me the job, don't you think I would have shared that?

Of course I have a story about my sister. Moving day, she went to work, leaving us to handle her move. I was upset that my parents would even allow her to get over on them like that but whatever. The night before they moved, she discovered a nest of gnats in her room in her dog's food bowl. I was totally disgusted. Of course she opened the door to her room to air it out which meant that she loosed them into the rest of the house. By Friday morning they had taken over the house and I had to eat outside in the car because they kept trying to land in my breakfast.

The final insult came yesterday when she came over to gather some of her belongings and take her dog to her new apartment. We had ordered Chinese food and brought it back to the house. We were downstairs getting ready to eat and she says I don't want to eat here, there are too many gnats. If I could have I swear I would have choked her just til she was about to pass out. That is how furious I was. Then she was like, "do you get it? I'm saying I don't want to eat here and I'm the reason for the gnats."

She then asked me if we could go up and eat in my room. I decided that since she wanted to piss me off I would do the same. I told her that she couldn't eat in my room because she will spill and leave a mess and not clean up because she never does. She was so offended and I was glad because we both know its true. I would go take a picture of that hideous room she left but I don't want to risk any of her bugs breaking free. I am going to use a bug fogger tomorrow while I'm at work and hopefully that will take care of this big problem she has created.

Cross Your Fingers

There is something in the works that I hope comes to pass. I will update you all soon.

Grievance

I decided to fight my supervisor and boss about them writing me up. I have contacted the union and we are going to file a grievance. I know that this will not make things at work any better but at the moment, I can't see things being any worse.

After the vacation I plan to take next month, I will have one day left that has to be used by the end of July. According to company's policy, they will have to give me that day. Other than that, my plan is to not take any more vacation days and I will just let them pay me for those days and will put that money towards my moving fund.

This means that when I finally do go down to put a deposit on an apartment, that I will have to make a strictly weekend trip, from Friday after work until Sunday. Speaking of apartments, I found an apartment complex yesterday that I fell in love with so my mission is to become a resident there.

Manic Monday

My morning started off an hour too early. Some howling dog made it impossible for me to sleep. When I finally did drift back off to sleep it was only for like ten minutes and I was really annoyed. I wanted to find that dog and smack him.

Once I got up, magically he had stopped all the noise. My mother is such the morning person and she greeted me with a "GOOD MORNING!" All I could do was grumble and start getting ready for work.

The supervisor from hell is back today and she has yet to reply to my email. I already know that this is going to be some drama. I'd rather hear a no, than to be kept in limbo. She has been making all the conversation with me too which is ticking me off even more.

Last night I watched the ten best moments on Bridezilla and I was so happy that they finally took my suggestion of doing updates. I hate to say it but there was one of the couples they highlighted that was now divorced and that got a cheer out of me. I'm not saying that divorce is good but that couple just was not right for each other. I can't believe how some of the women act on that show and yet I stayed tuned faithfully every week.

I have been playing the Wii Fit and I love it. Well everything but when you step on the scale and she says "OH!" She's a real smart @$$ but it's really helpful. I've been trying to encourage my family to get more active and eat better. According to the game, they are all obese and I just want them healthy.

Last night my sister asked me what has been up with me. I told her nothing much really. She said that I've been really withdrawn. What she sees as withdrawn I see as alone time, sometimes I need that. You'd think with everyone having cable in their room that I wouldn't have to fight them for the livingroom since the bedroom I'm in doesn't have cable, but thats not true.

I cleaned the kitchen yesterday after The Marrying Man and his other half and my neices all left. I swear every dish in the house was dirty. My sister had offered to help but she said later. I told her I'd leave her some then. I called her later to ask if she'd still help but she didn't reply so I just finished up.

It's been hard getting myself settled in and somewhat unpacked because I'm always cleaning up behind other grown folks. The countdown has begun until they move and while my parents don't bother me, my sister is just lazy as hell.

Irritated

I know I should be happy that it's Friday and I am. But I just wanna get something off my chest that has me mad this morning. My supervisor is off this week at a conference. She has been checking her emails because I have gotten responses on emails that I was copied on.

Well I sent her an email requesting time off next month, but do you think she replied? Of course not. I have never worked in a department that pitched such a fit about time off. The company gives us the amount of vacation time that they feel we deserve per year. So what I want to know is why is it that my department thinks they can regulate that?

I'm mad because the tickets that I had been looking at went up $150. I would have just booked the tickets but after they played me last time, I knew better. There has to be someone that I can talk to about this bs. I think that its time to really get to know my union rep.

Wordless Wednesday

Nerves of Steel

I don't know where people get their nerves from, I really don't. Last night I went to bed around 11pm. I had spent two hours cleaning my "new" bathroom at my parents and the bleach had me light-headed. After watching a bit of I'm A Celebrity...I played Wii for a bit, took a shower and hopped in bed.

At first I thought I was delusional but then reality snapped into play when I realized that the noise I heard was my cell phone ringing. Couldn't have been the wrong number because my voice mail chime went off soon after. Unsure of the time, I rationalized that since I was good and sleep it had to be late but was too lazy to see who was calling or what time it was.

I forgot to mention that I talked to Mover last night. He asked when he was going to see me and I asked when he was off. He said that he was off today and I told him we'd make plans to meet up after I got off work.

Okay, now back to the story at hand. So this morning when I woke up I looked at my Caller ID to see who had called. It was Mover....I still haven't even checked the voice mail and unless he was calling to tell me he had just been involved in a fatal car accident or his house was on fire, there was no justification for calling me at 3AM!

Now I've pretty much decided that not only will I not see him today but I think I'm done talking to him. Maybe I'm being harsh but I just thought that was very rude.

The next person with nerves is, drumroll please....my sister. How'd you guess? Yes, this morning she had the nerve to get mad at me because I didn't wake her up for work this morning. My mom usually wakes her up and she is out of town. You're a grown woman, wake yourself up!! I told her to just go ahead and get dressed and go late. She explained to me that calling in sick was better at her job than coming in late, I am so working at the wrong place. Then she went on to further say that she didn't have any clean clothes anyway, so she'd just take the day off. How is it that you knew you had to go to work and have no clean clothes?

I guess there are some situations and people that I am not meant to understand.

Balding and My Move

As you can tell by now, there always seems to be a story whenever I do something. So Saturday was moving day. The man called to confirm and to tell me they were running a bit behind. I said that was fine because I had a few things to do before they arrived.

He actually ended up only being about fifteen minutes late when he originally projected an hour. After looking around my apartment he tells me I had more stuff than he thought, then stated that they weren't going to be able to dump the things I didn't want for free but that it'd be an additional $50. I told him that wasn't what we agreed upon but whatever and I wasn't going to pay to have the stuff dumped, I'd take it with me. He shows me a contract for us to both sign and then asks for payment. I told him there was no way I was paying him before he even started. He said fine, can I have a portion then? I agreed and signed the contract. I went downstairs to make sure there was indeed a truck and gave him a portion of the money.

Balding, which is what I will refer to him as, said he wanted to run to the store to get something to drink and asked if I wanted anything. I declined and he left, leaving behind two guys to begin bringing my stuff downstairs.

When Balding returned, he helped out for about twenty minutes and then told me that a friend of his had gotten a flat tire and needed help. He said it wasn't far and he'd be back. At this point I asked him about the charge of rates and wanting to know was it per hour or what. Although I know he and I signed on a rate, I wanted to be sure he wasn't trying to scam me. Balding assured me it was a flat rate he gave me no matter how long it took.

Everything was getting moved out of my apartment at a steady pace for quite a bit and then movement stopped. I went downstairs and the two men were eating lunch. Now I know I was hungry but hell, I wasn't having lunch, why should they? That is when I discovered that Balding was still gone with the truck.

Two and a half hours later he returned. I came downstairs with hell in my eyes and he offered to dispose of the things that he originally quoted me the additionally $50 for free. I agreed and they got back to work. In true procrastinator fashion, he decides to try to rush the two men that he had left behind at my apartment. I told the workers how funny it was that he had been gone all that time but wanted to come back trying to rush them.

They finished up moving and got me to my parents house. I paid them and even gave my number to one of the delivery guys. I know, I know, but he asked and he was good-looking. I've since talked to him a couple times and really don't see that anywhere, not that I want it to. Just looking to hang out until I can relocate.

Leaving my empty apartment, I have to admit I was sad. That was my first place alone and it had me thinking how close to reality my relocating really is. It was bittersweet but I'm happy that my plans are coming together.

After being officially moved in yesterday, my sister and I got into it twice. Pray for me everybody, its going to be a long month being there with her. She decided to move next month, so I'm very thankful for that.

There's another guy that I met from Texas before I met Toot but I cut him off. Well he had asked me for another chance and I obliged. I'm glad that I did, he hasn't disappointed thus far. He asked me to come down for an event in July and I told him that I would. We've been talking via webcam, so that's a nice plus. What were we doing before all this new technology came about?

That's it for now. I'm sure I'll have tons of post having to live with my sister this month. Oh and Toot texted me today and apologized for breaking my no-call rule but that he wanted to say hi. Don't worry..I'm not falling back into that with him.

The Wedding

So in typical wedding fashion, the ceremony started late. It was in fact, almost two hours late to be exact. Picture a bunch of people in a hot, cramped church with no air conditioning, it was miserable. When the ceremony finally started, a baby decided that then was the time to practive her vocals. She screamed for a good three minutes and the mother just sat there looking stupid. Finally after several dirty looks, she got up and went out with the baby.

My youngest neice was supposed to be the flower girl but she ended up getting sick and slept on my mom during the wedding in her pretty white dress. They also told my mom after she arrived that they wanted her to be walked down the aisle as an usher. She wore a pants suit and really didn't want to but she went ahead and participated.

Then they had a portable boom box playing music and when it was time for the bride to walk down the aisle, when she got mid-way, the music stopped. She stood there for a good couple of minutes, I'm guessing debating on what to do. Then I guess reality kicked in and she thought she better hurry down the aisle before my brother changed his mind and she damn near drug her poor elderly father down the aisle with her.

Her mother, who is an evangelist, did the prayer for them. It lasted a good five minutes, in prayer time, thats a LONG time. After a while she was just rambling and using words like uh... and um....Then she kept calling my brother by his nickname which I thought was a bit odd.

It seemed like everyone had a smirk or grin on their face who sat on my brother's side, knowing that these vows don't mean too much to him anyway and wondering who would be wife number four.

They waited in the back of the church and rather then there being a receiving line with the entire bridal party, it was just my brother and his new bride. I put out my hand to shake hers and she grabbed me and hugged me a bit too tight and close for my taste.

Next was picture time and like always in her pictures she wore the same sinister smirk she always has. She was barking out orders to everyone so in alot of the pics her mouth was open or her back turned with her arms in the air.

As we drove to the reception hall, we got a real feel for the small city, lots of projects and mobile homes. They were introduced in the church, prayer was done over the food and then it was dinner time. They had people stand in line and get served, the portions were so small and I was starving afterwards. Literally, a tablespoon of macaroni was being scooped out to us and the same size went for everything else. Even after spending $80 on ham for them, I got one sliver. Of course there wasn't liquor being served because they were already on a budget so everyone pretty much did b.y.o.b.

So my other SIL and I went to the store so that we could have our own drinks and get away from there for a few minutes. It was like a peep show in there, almost every woman and teenager in her family had on sheer, panty showing, boob popping out, outfits.

We decided to buy my brother's favorite drink so that we could toast with him. I went in the church to tell him we had his drink and my newly acquired sister-in-law says decides to let her couple glasses of champagne take over. She says loud enough for everyone in a 500 yard radius to hear "Trish, where you been? You acting funny, staying away because I got yo brother now?" I decided that I wasn't going to let her show out and I returned that he's been MY brother for 28 years and he'll always be and we'd see how long she lasts and I put my arm around him. She then tried to walk up on me and I put my arm up and pushed her.

I was fuming when I got back to the car and a couple drinks helped me cool down. The reception ended at ten and then they wanted us to come to an "after-party" at her sister's house. On the way there we decided to get some fast food because we were all starved. When we walked in with the food about three different people in her family asked why we got fast food and they had food here from the reception. Well how were we supposed to know that your family was hiding food? All we knew was that with the tiny portions they gave out that we needed something else.

By this point pretty much everyone had too much to drink including her cousin. She reminded me of Rasputia from Norbit. She informed us all that she was looking for a man and how she was a good worker and been at her job for nine years. To make herself an even better candidate, she told us that she was a clean person, she kept a clean house and a clean @ss. We all just sat there kinda with our mouths open.

My brother announced that he just realized that at 32 he is now a grandfather because his new wife is a grandmother. I informed him, in betweem laughs, that we had been talking about that all night and that it was hilarious. He also has neices and nephews older than him now. One of his new nephews always hits on me when he sees me and he's married. The creep waits til his wife isn't around and tries to chat me up and have some sort of physical contact with me, yuck!

At around midnight we decided to get ready to make the seventy-mile trek back home. I don't really know how to summarize the night, it was definitely....interesting. To cap off the night my new SIL informed me that we'd be invited back out for another ceremony for them in ten years, to that comment, I laughed until I cried and my sister shut my car door.

When it Rains..

We all know this saying and it has definitely been pouring for me. I got a speeding ticket a couple of days ago and my water heater went out the day before that. Then yesterday I had a four hour conference and after about three hours of being back in the office my boss hands me an envelope. It was a written reprimend following up on a mtg that Dragon Lady, my supervisor and I had. They gave me an assignment that they wanted on a day I had scheduled off and pre-approved. I went to my union representative about it. These women have been on my back since I started and I'm tired of it. I have worked for my company about eight years and this is the first department I have ever had problems with.

In other news, I have started packing to move from my apartment. I am getting lazy with it already but I plan to use this holiday weekend as a time to get things packed up. The company I hired wants to charge me $355 to move me fifteen minutes away. While I don't want to part with that kind of money, to have to call friends and family and rely on them to help is far worse for me. The greatest part about packing for this move is knowing that in a few short months I will be packing yet again to move to Texas and that in itself is motivation.

Oh and breaking news...my parents have reconciled!!! It has been the longest five months in my life but I can't remember the last time I've been so happy. They both took separate vacations, my dad went to see a bachelor friend of his and my mom to see my aunt in Arizona. When my dad came back and told us about his trip, we could tell that he saw the other side and the grass wasn't so green. His friend who had all the space and time to himself was lonely and miserable and my dad saw that first hand. The saddest part he recalled to us from his visit was that his friend goes to a local liquor store down the road and buys a pack of cigarettes and the store owner rations him out four cigarettes per visit so that he doesn't smoke too many.

While my mom was gone my dad moved back to their room and she told me that they talked and they are both going to work on their issues. My mom's happiness made all my drama seem insignificant.

Oh and I got my grades back from this semester. In accounting I got a B and in the business class I received an A. Considering I have been out of school for five years, I was very proud of myself. My mom was too and she offered to buy me a laptop for my great efforts. I told her I'd mull it over and get back with her.

One last semi story for you guys. My little brother, the woman-hitter is trying to come back home. We think its great because he needs an a** whooping and some help. The not-so-good part is that he is trying to bring the wife and child. The circumstances in which they left leave me wondering how its possible for all this to happen but I'll keep you posted.

Truth Hurts

So I'm back from Texas and I had another goood trip. It wasn't really as good as last time. I told Toot that I was glad that we met and he said I shouldn't say stuff like that. Yesterday I pretty much decided to end things with him. I know we all have pasts and some type of baggage but I need to protect myself before my feelings get any more invested. I can't say I'm not going to miss him because I miss him already.

Weekend+ Today

Saturday was a pretty alright day. I got to do a bit of shopping and found a couple of great deals from O.ld Navy, including a summer dress that I could not find a tank top to accomodate with it. I then went to the nail shop and said I wanted the works. Well I thought what I was geting was the works until this lady came in and asked for the works including her beard and mustache! So I am trying to come up with a new term for a pedi, fill-in and eyebrows.

Next was a quick pit stop home to gather my school books and then meet my sister and cousin for dinner. We went to a Chinese buffet, a normal spot of ours, and we had a good time. I had only ate a bowl of cereal that day because I knew that I like to big out when it comes to the buffet. I was mad that after only two plates, I was stuffed.

I convinced them to accompany me to the mall where I was looking for an outfit that I saw online in Forev21. I got to hear from my cousin and sister how "skinny" I was, although I'm a size 12, far from skinny. I always combat them saying that compared to them, yes I guess I AM skinny. It is so irritating to be criticized for being smaller than everyone you hang around. Whenever I try to lose weight, they all but call me a witch and hang me at the stake.

Finally after a day of shopping and eating I settled in front of the computer to do my homework. This was the last assignment due for the class and then I had a final to do Sunday. When I opened up my assignment it was through a Word document that I had emailed to myself. I made sure to hit copy every ten minutes or so.

My sister started to hound me about going over my cousin's house to make daiquiris so I finished up the section I was working on and got ready to shut down the laptop. The crazy thing is that for some reason right after I saved it, I tried to open it again just to look at how much more I had to complete. Thats when I discovered that my paper was gone. It was sucked into the abyss of technology, never to be heard from again. I was upset. I have never in my life lost a paper and here it is deadline time and my paper is gone. I looked everywhere for it, in the history, in the most recent documents, temporary files, you name it, I looked there.

I gave up the search at about 11pm when I realized that I had to do something because the assignment was due at 11:55. I pulled up the original, incomplete assignment I had emailed myself and began typing away as much as I could so that I could submit something. I was determined to get an A in that class. I ended up turning in about 60% of the assignment but again I rationed something was better than nothing. I spoke to Toot for a little bit and then I headed to Dreamland.

Sunday morning I woke up and called Toot, us talking in the morning has become our routine. He and I were both tired, but he's so exhausted in the morning, so I try to keep him alert til he gets home. We talked about quite a few things, including my upcoming visit. I hate that I think so much. I have our whole time planned and I haven't even gotten there yet. I've been trying to live in the moment and its proving a challenge for me. It's so crazy because I look forward to seeing him, talking to him and cuddling with him, but remember how I used to feel about the ex? Not the same feeling at all. I'm pretty sure the issue is me though and I have to slow things down so that I don't get bored with him.

My siblings and I had decided to take my mom to breakfast after 8am service at church. Two of my siblings were crying broke about breakfast and the one who didn't and I were both annoyed. It's like she's our mom and there are four of us, surely we can all chip in on breakfast?! Then when I mentioned a gift, my sister asked if I had changed my mind about us taking her to eat. I told her that if she was that broke, that she didn't have to go in on the gift.

Now it may seem that I'm being harsh, but let me give you a little history behind why I was being so crude with her. First of all, she lives at home with my parents and doesn't pay rent or bills. Second, she's 25 and makes about $18 an hour and has no children and no car note. Lastly, she had a bankruptcy about a year ago so the majority of her bills were written off with the judgement. So I guess my question is, where is her money going? Savings, you think? No. She is supposed to be moving in July when my parents move, which coincidentally, she chose to rent in the exact same complex that they chose. Tell me why she has no money saved up, because I don't know why. Then she decided to take a trip this week too, just like I am and paid about $800 for the trip but now has no spending money. She informed me that she is going to go take out a couple payday loans so that she has money for her tip.

Breakfast went fine, although one of my brothers ended up somehow only contributing $25 for himself, his three kids(2 which are preteens) and my mom's portion.

Next was a stop to my grandparents and I ended up dozing off on his plush couch. But I didn't doze off soon enough because I heard my grandfather say that everybody sitting on the couch was fat. Good ole' grandad, nothing like him lifting our spirits.

I finally got home at about six and talked to Toot for a while before he hurried my off the phone to do my online exam and study for today's final. I pull out the laptop that screwed me over the night before and as I'm in the folder for the class I notice that the exam isn't there. Frantically, I begin looking for the syllabus and any emails that the professor may have sent us saying that there was a problem accessing the test. I emailed her and hoped that she'd get it before the night was over and the test was to close.

She wrote me back a nice, matter-of-fact, email. Her email stated that the exam actually closed Saturday night but that she would open it for me for 2 hours to get it done. I was so very appreciative. When it was all said and done, I got 100% on the final and an A in the class. So just one final to go tonight and I will have gotten through a semester of school. I plan to spend the rest of my afternoon at work studying.