Clarity

I did a two day fast this week. Not long for some people but for me, it was just enough. I feel like I have been in a vicious cycle lately, doing the same dumb things and wondering why I keep getting the same stupid results.

I've decided that after my lease is up that I am going to use a roommate locator so that I can pay off some bills and save. The townhouse I went to see a few weeks ago was wonderful and made me really yearn for home ownership. The current state of my financial situation will mean that I will never be able to save up enough for a down payment so I need to take the necessary steps. I am also going to start looking for a new job. My prayer is that any increase that I get will also go towards bills and savings. I was reading up on Vision Boards and I want to make one for myself, there are so many things I want, so I need to put them down and bring them into fruition.

The guy I had been dating kind of ticked me off. I asked him to do me a favor and he said he would but then went into asking me a ton of questions. It was Sunday when I asked him to do said favor and he has yet to mention it. When he wants or needs something, he never has to mention it more than once to me. I feel some kind of way about having to ask people who I am always there for to do something for me several times. I feel like if it was something he wanted, then he would have been more diligent about following up. I have made up my mind that if he doesn't mention it by Monday then I am done with him. It may seem petty but I am tired of wasting my time with people who don't treat me as I treat them. I was already thinking of cutting him off because we hadn't spoken in a week and he came contacting me. I had packed up a few things that he left at my place and put them in my front closet. He asked about his items when he came over. I went to the front to get them and he made a comment that I put his stuff by the door like I had done with Nbr's things. You're damned right, I don't have time for the bull.

I am ready to really start taking care of me because if I don't nobody else will. When I am cleared to start back working out by the doctor, I will. I am ready to get my life back on track.

Pacing Myself

As life goes, it seems that things are all falling into place at once. In a month, I'll be starting classes and in about two months, I will finally be moving.

My sister is all over the place with her ideas. One minute, she wants to move down in January, the next, it's June. One second, she wants she and I to be roomies, the next, she'd like to get a third bedroom for our younger brother.

Then the other day she "so-called" lectured me about making the decision that is best for me, not for Teddy, her or my brother. I kind of sat there dumbfounded because she was the one putting the most pressure on me as far as living arrangements. She then went so far as to say that I'm only thinking about one area in particular because it's close to Teddy. I let her know that I liked the area I'm looking in before I even met Teddy. In fact, Toot and I went looking in that neighborhood back before I even met Teddy.

On the school front, I'm really excited that it will be starting school. I will need to come up with some type of schedule so that I make adequate time to study. When I think about the possibilities that an advanced degree could bring me, the future looks a lot brighter.

I've also been trying to watch what I eat, I'd love to drop some weight and fit comforably in my clothes again. I've joined a challenge with S23 that motivates me, even when I don't always make the best choices, I keep at it. Life is slowly, but surely beginning to move for me.

Apartment Hunting

Over the weekend Teddy and I went apartment hunting. I will be living solo, just in case that first sentence was misleading. He was a great tour guide, showing me around different neighborhoods.

I fell in love with one apartment that we visited. The apartment was by the water and was luxury at it's finest. One downside to luxury living is the price tag, lol! How could you not love a place that had Mimosas?! The other downside was that it was very far from work and I'd have to cross a bridge every day during the commute. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I have an acute case of road rage, so that won't work.

One horrible apartment reeked of curry even though there were two air fresheners plugged in the wall. This same apartment had stairs that were crumbling and trash all over the courtyard. Needless, to say, that apartment won't be hearing from me.

The next stop was also bad for a multitude of reasons. The major issues at the apartment included appliances from the 70s and the complex had 750 units. This time around I decided I want to live in a smaller apartment community with the hopes that I won't have to deal with some of the issues I have right now.

The final apartment we saw is the one I'm almost sure that I want. This complex only has 200 units and they know all their residents by name. The leasing agent also made some cookies called snicker doodles. I had never heard of these cookies but they were very good, I didn't overdo it, I only ate two. The atmosphere at the apartment was very serene and they are running a special, which would mean I'd pay $75 less a month than my current apartment.

We have plans to go to one more area this weekend and then I'll make my decision. I hate moving, as I've done it every year since 2004, but I've never been so ready to leave an apartment as I am now!

Finally!

Hey Guys!!! I finally made it down to Texas. The drive was about 20 hours but I arrived safely. There is so much to do and I am making a list of what all that I need to get done.

My sister gave me a party Saturday and my friends and family came. I'm really going to miss them all but thanks to modern technology, I'm never too far away. I actually got really sad the last couple of days.

Well I am going to try to get a bit of rest, I'm beat. I will give you all more details soon!!

I Think Therefore I Am

I am really trying to be positive this morning. It seems that as soon as I start to build up money something happens. The latest little fiasco is that on Labor Day it rained hard and fast. I remembered to let my windows of my car up thankfully, but I didn't remember to let up the sunroof.

On top of wet seats, my car has a smelly odor. That means that this weekend I will have to get it shampooed which will be about $100. Over the weekend I got something fixed on my car called "Control Arms" and that cost me $400. The car repair was a necessity, there was no way my car waws equipped to make a 24 hour drive the way it was functioning. Then my phone broke and is literally hanging by the hinges so I had to order a new one. It was time for my renewal anyway so I got somewhat of a deal although I still had to come out of pocket.

The good thing is that I have sold a couple of items and I may actually balance out even but we'll see. I have someone who wants to buy my couch and loveseat this weekend. She also may be interested in my bedroom set so that'd be a plus. Now ask me what I'd sleep on in the meantime and I'll tell you I have no idea yet, lol!

Today the Singles Ministry at my church kicks back into full gear and today's topic is s.e.x. This will make for very interesting conversation, I'm already sure of it. The Pastor will be facilitating and he's hilarious on regular topics so this one won't disappoint.

I will stay optimistic that today will be a good day. I will begin the countdown soon, I am so anxious to be out of here.

Rambling

Good Morning All!

My morning has started off good and I anticipate it staying upbeat. I even had time to get M.ega Millions tickets this morning. My sister dropped me off early so that gave me time to complete a personality assessment for this position I applied for at a hospital.

I am all packed and ready to go and will be heading for the airport straight from work. I talked to Toot for a bit last night and Aunt Flo had me acting a bit mean to him but oh well, he'll live.

For some reason it seems that he's dead-set on me meeting his family. He asked if it would be alright if we all went to lunch Sunday. I said that it was fine but the more I think about it...I don't know, whatever.

Reality is setting in that next week will be September, putting me one month away from the BIG MOVE. I was talking about it with this new interest in my life last night. Well we've actually been talking about a month in a half but I haven't mentioned him to anyone but Toot. Why is it we sometimes think we'll jinx something if we mention it?

I think I moreso haven't mentioned it to anyone because they'll just say that this is just like when I met Toot and discount the entire situation. Teddy, just really appears to be a stand-up man. We share alot of the same values and we share common future goals. Talking about plans and constant laughter is apart of our daily routine.

Oh I got another call yesterday right before I left for a position that I applied for a couple weeks back. The lady wanted to know if I had time for a brief phone interview and I responded "definitely." Our conversation went well and she told me that I'd definitely be hearing from them. I hung up feeling positive and knowing that when it is all said and done, that things will work in my favor.

I really need to step up my saving game. I was thinking of living off cereal until I get to my savings, lol! We'll see how that goes.

Balding and My Move

As you can tell by now, there always seems to be a story whenever I do something. So Saturday was moving day. The man called to confirm and to tell me they were running a bit behind. I said that was fine because I had a few things to do before they arrived.

He actually ended up only being about fifteen minutes late when he originally projected an hour. After looking around my apartment he tells me I had more stuff than he thought, then stated that they weren't going to be able to dump the things I didn't want for free but that it'd be an additional $50. I told him that wasn't what we agreed upon but whatever and I wasn't going to pay to have the stuff dumped, I'd take it with me. He shows me a contract for us to both sign and then asks for payment. I told him there was no way I was paying him before he even started. He said fine, can I have a portion then? I agreed and signed the contract. I went downstairs to make sure there was indeed a truck and gave him a portion of the money.

Balding, which is what I will refer to him as, said he wanted to run to the store to get something to drink and asked if I wanted anything. I declined and he left, leaving behind two guys to begin bringing my stuff downstairs.

When Balding returned, he helped out for about twenty minutes and then told me that a friend of his had gotten a flat tire and needed help. He said it wasn't far and he'd be back. At this point I asked him about the charge of rates and wanting to know was it per hour or what. Although I know he and I signed on a rate, I wanted to be sure he wasn't trying to scam me. Balding assured me it was a flat rate he gave me no matter how long it took.

Everything was getting moved out of my apartment at a steady pace for quite a bit and then movement stopped. I went downstairs and the two men were eating lunch. Now I know I was hungry but hell, I wasn't having lunch, why should they? That is when I discovered that Balding was still gone with the truck.

Two and a half hours later he returned. I came downstairs with hell in my eyes and he offered to dispose of the things that he originally quoted me the additionally $50 for free. I agreed and they got back to work. In true procrastinator fashion, he decides to try to rush the two men that he had left behind at my apartment. I told the workers how funny it was that he had been gone all that time but wanted to come back trying to rush them.

They finished up moving and got me to my parents house. I paid them and even gave my number to one of the delivery guys. I know, I know, but he asked and he was good-looking. I've since talked to him a couple times and really don't see that anywhere, not that I want it to. Just looking to hang out until I can relocate.

Leaving my empty apartment, I have to admit I was sad. That was my first place alone and it had me thinking how close to reality my relocating really is. It was bittersweet but I'm happy that my plans are coming together.

After being officially moved in yesterday, my sister and I got into it twice. Pray for me everybody, its going to be a long month being there with her. She decided to move next month, so I'm very thankful for that.

There's another guy that I met from Texas before I met Toot but I cut him off. Well he had asked me for another chance and I obliged. I'm glad that I did, he hasn't disappointed thus far. He asked me to come down for an event in July and I told him that I would. We've been talking via webcam, so that's a nice plus. What were we doing before all this new technology came about?

That's it for now. I'm sure I'll have tons of post having to live with my sister this month. Oh and Toot texted me today and apologized for breaking my no-call rule but that he wanted to say hi. Don't worry..I'm not falling back into that with him.

When it Rains..

We all know this saying and it has definitely been pouring for me. I got a speeding ticket a couple of days ago and my water heater went out the day before that. Then yesterday I had a four hour conference and after about three hours of being back in the office my boss hands me an envelope. It was a written reprimend following up on a mtg that Dragon Lady, my supervisor and I had. They gave me an assignment that they wanted on a day I had scheduled off and pre-approved. I went to my union representative about it. These women have been on my back since I started and I'm tired of it. I have worked for my company about eight years and this is the first department I have ever had problems with.

In other news, I have started packing to move from my apartment. I am getting lazy with it already but I plan to use this holiday weekend as a time to get things packed up. The company I hired wants to charge me $355 to move me fifteen minutes away. While I don't want to part with that kind of money, to have to call friends and family and rely on them to help is far worse for me. The greatest part about packing for this move is knowing that in a few short months I will be packing yet again to move to Texas and that in itself is motivation.

Oh and breaking news...my parents have reconciled!!! It has been the longest five months in my life but I can't remember the last time I've been so happy. They both took separate vacations, my dad went to see a bachelor friend of his and my mom to see my aunt in Arizona. When my dad came back and told us about his trip, we could tell that he saw the other side and the grass wasn't so green. His friend who had all the space and time to himself was lonely and miserable and my dad saw that first hand. The saddest part he recalled to us from his visit was that his friend goes to a local liquor store down the road and buys a pack of cigarettes and the store owner rations him out four cigarettes per visit so that he doesn't smoke too many.

While my mom was gone my dad moved back to their room and she told me that they talked and they are both going to work on their issues. My mom's happiness made all my drama seem insignificant.

Oh and I got my grades back from this semester. In accounting I got a B and in the business class I received an A. Considering I have been out of school for five years, I was very proud of myself. My mom was too and she offered to buy me a laptop for my great efforts. I told her I'd mull it over and get back with her.

One last semi story for you guys. My little brother, the woman-hitter is trying to come back home. We think its great because he needs an a** whooping and some help. The not-so-good part is that he is trying to bring the wife and child. The circumstances in which they left leave me wondering how its possible for all this to happen but I'll keep you posted.

Home Again

Thanks to everyone who wondered where I'd disappeared to. I have been lurking here and there. There is so much that was going on that seeing it written down may have made it even harder to deal with. I'll give a couple brief recaps.

For one, my parents have been at odds with each other after 29 years of marriage. This was the hardest thing of all to bear. Things are slowly getting better with them and I hope that by their 30th anniversary in July, that all our lives are back to normal.

My youngest brother that got married in December decided to take up a new recreational activity called "hit the wife." I'm not making light of abuse by any means, it disgusted me to hear that he'd ever put his hands on a woman and even worse someone that he made a commitment to God to love and cherish. My father has never put his hands on my mother so my brother has let his anger manifest from somewhere else. The worse part is my nephew(his stepson) having to witness all this. He's a child and children should have their innocence as long as possible, or at least thats how I feel.

The best friend, turned boyfriend, turned ex-boyfriend and I have not been speaking. It was really hard for me in the beginning. I had relied on him since I was a teenager and now he was nowhere to be found. It was if the world around me was crumbling as I knew it and my solace was no longer apart of my world. I truly felt abandoned by him and was starting to resent him for leaving me, knowing all that I was going through. After some time passed I began to realize that this was God preparing me to venture out on my own and to realize that He is all that I can count on and who I should seek in times of need.

I finally decided to head down to Texas. It has been a long road but I've finally made up my mind about it. I have started applying for jobs, no bites yet, but I have gotten emails saying that I qualify for some and for others that the job has been filled. It hasn't deterred me though, at least I know that my applications are being reviewed. I'm excited about the whole transition and I can't remember the last time I have been looking so forward to something.

My lease will be up on my apt at the end of May so I will either stay at my parents house or with my sister until I get a job offer there. I've had a couple people suggest to me to just save enough and move there even without a job and that I'd find one in no time. Still not totally sold on the idea of leaving my secure, full-time job, to move somewhere with family or friends in hopes of getting a job so we'll see. I am heading there next weekend to look at some apartments and neighborhoods so that I know what my target area will be.

I decided to try networking in hopes of meeting some people in Texas who could help point me in the right direction. In the process of that I met a guy whose really sweet and funny. We talk on the phone til 3am like we're in high school. Thank goodness for technology, we send pics back and forth all day every day. I am planning to see him when I go next week.

That is all that has really been up with me so far. I am making it a point to keep my thoughts pouring. I also want to begin sharing more with you guys, I'm so used to holding back in an effort to save my feelings that its beginning to affect me and not in a good way. Take care, talk to everyone soon.

Back from the Sun

Hi everybody! I'm back from vacation. It was great, just what I needed. Of course my sister worked my nerves but that was to be expected. She complained the majority of the trip about something or another. We were all enjoying the weather so much we all said how we didn't want to come back yet. Well my dad always told us how God has a sense of humor and as I got older, I understood and agreed with that statement. Our flight home ended up being delayed by about 2 1/2 hours. I told my SIL, God said "You want to stay here longer, okay, flight delayed!" She thought it was hilarious too! When we finally arrived back home, of course it was snowing as we were loading into my brother's car. I wanted to run back through the airport and get on the first plane headed away from this snow.

Things have been pretty quiet in my personal life. Barely talking to the ex, things are very strained, but thats to be expected. I got to read a couple books while I was on vacation so thats always relaxing. I'm getting tired of school already but I'm doing well in both classes. I have an A in one and a high B in the other.

My SIL is already trying to plan another trip, this time to Florida and I am game. While I was on my vacation, it further confirmed for me that I am truly about ready to get away permanently. Since I've been back I have been looking for jobs online. I haven't looked at any apartments yet, thats generally the easy part. I know this post is all over the place, that's kind of the way my mind is at the moment too.