M is for Mad

I’m not quite sure exactly when it happened. Somewhere along the way though, in my twenties, I started biting my tongue. This has caused me to taste blood quite a few times while the other person walks around oblivious. This is something that really bothers me about myself recently. In fact, a recent incident with BeBe caused me to decide that I am tired of trying to be a people-pleaser and avoid conflict. I wouldn’t say I’m a people-pleaser all around, just to the people that I really care about in my life.

In my younger years I would fly off the handle, cussing people out without thinking twice about it. I remember once being in a video store with my sister. There was a man in the store and he said something to her and whatever it was, it sent me into attack mode. I snapped on him quick and drew blood. My sister rushed in to defend the man saying he was joking and that she knew him from church, I felt so ashamed. I hurt so many people that I made a conscious effort to change and hadn’t looked back. The problem is that I let things go too far, where I have let too many things slide, repressing my true emotions, besides only weak people show emotions anyway, right?

Yesterday the NBR made me VERY upset. He knows that I was mad but he doesn’t know the true extent. If I was one of those drama females, I would have truly acted a nut on him, but in true fashion, I downplayed my anger and when his mother came up to me asking how I was, I blamed my tears on a migraine. To make matters worse, our drive home included us happening to exit the freeway on the exit that Teddy lives on, which is an hour away, that I NEVER pass. It was just a bad day all around for me and I wanted to put my fist through his face, although I’m not one for violence, I was just very angry.

He knows that I am still angry with him, he has been going out of his way to be all chipper with me and extra affectionate but I’m not feeling it. He called me on his way home from work like he normally does but I ignored the call, I don’t want to talk to him any more than I have to. Why didn’t I just address all this yesterday? I didn’t want to have to drive an hour and a half uncomfortably maybe or maybe I am still in the same predicament with not dealing with confrontation. Either way, I’m not just mad with him, I’m also angry at myself…

Cooking with Trish

I'm making food for my office "Holiday Potluck." I am making a peach cobbler and chicken caesar pasta salad. This is my second attempt at the peach cobbler, the first time I received great compliments but the neighbor barely ate any and I ended up throwing over half of it away. I am debating on whether or not to add nutmeg, which I added to the first cobbler. I've been digging through different recipes where some people call for nutmeg and others don't. I should have asked Jameil what she thought before I started baking....

Okay call me rude, but I'm nervous about what my coworkers will be bringing in. I put a sign-in sheet up so that we could have an idea of who was bringing what. One person put that they were bringing jellyfish. Really, jellyfish? The majority of my department is made up of foreigners but I am hoping to try a few new dishes that I actually like.

I'm going to save this post now so that I can add pictures of the finished products.

Okay guys, the cobbler is a little browner than I intended it to be because I had the oven on already from cooking the chicken in the pasta. Hopefully my coworkers enjoy~

Nobody Knows

Life goes on, whether we are ready for it or not. I have been enjoying this much needed break from school. I'm also just about settled into the new apartment. As I normally do this time of year, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. A year ago, I thought I'd be married to Teddy and planning my holidays with him. I haven't heard from him in over six months and I'm still alright with that. I realized that he had major trust issues and no matter what I would have done, things would not have worked between us.

The neighbor that I was dating is staying at my place for the meantime. We have a great time together and I like having him here. I can't lie, having the financial help is really coming in handy as well. He will be leaving soon but I'm in no hurry for him to leave. My sister had a chance to meet him when she came down for Thanksgiving and they got along well.

I can't wait to see what's ahead for me...

All is Well

The new job has been keeping me super busy. There are days that I am in the office past time and I am one of those people who is ready to go at exactly quitting time! There is a lady who is older than me but who I am to begin supervising in the upcoming weeks. My boss was trying to give me time to get settled into my position before I had to begin my supervisory role but he thinks that this change needs to take effect sooner than later. The problem is that the lady pretty much feels that because I am younger than her, that she can boss me around. There have been a few instances that have made her feelings about where we stand pretty clear. Unfortunately, she is the only person unaware that I will be supervising her. She complains to me everyday about how she is overworked and underpaid and sometimes gets an attitudes with our superiors. I am so not looking forward to managing her.....

School is flying on by this semester. I have two very demanding classes that pretty much require that I attend online lectures. After last semester's fiasco but my group, new groups were formed and I was optimistic. One guy who was selling himself as such a great group member on the China trip has turned out to be a dud. He has really irked our group's nerves and last week, we submitted an assignment and purposely left his name off. All I can hope is that the fact that we left his name off the assignment will be a wake up call for him because he does not at all participate unless we pretty much stalk him.

I've been hanging out with a neighbor for a couple of months now. We thought it would be nice to not jump into a relationship, but to get to really know each other. I'm glad that we went about things this way. I have really been getting to know him and enjoy spending time with him, though at the same time I wonder if I can see myself in an actual relationship with him. At present, I am enjoying the moment. Do you guys know that people still ask me if Teddy has broken down and called me yet? How many months has it been? Please do yourself a favor and get over it...

Lastly, I am moving once again. I have a neighbor who has a verbally abusive man that just got out of jail. Every single day I hear him yelling at her telling her she is nothing, calling her out of her name and slamming doors, it is insane. The argument between them got so heated last night I decided to call the police but my friend talked me out of it. I'm just glad to be leaving this place. When I first moved here, it was a serene oasis but now it has turned into a dump that I can't wait to escape.

Right On Time!!!

Guess who has a new job?!!!! It's at my same company, in a different department and the best part is that the position is a promotion!!! So not only did I get three weeks off paid this month, but I also get a job making more money??!!!

I am SO super blessed! God is always right on time in my life!

China Photos- Part 5

China Photos-Part 4