Clarity

I did a two day fast this week. Not long for some people but for me, it was just enough. I feel like I have been in a vicious cycle lately, doing the same dumb things and wondering why I keep getting the same stupid results.

I've decided that after my lease is up that I am going to use a roommate locator so that I can pay off some bills and save. The townhouse I went to see a few weeks ago was wonderful and made me really yearn for home ownership. The current state of my financial situation will mean that I will never be able to save up enough for a down payment so I need to take the necessary steps. I am also going to start looking for a new job. My prayer is that any increase that I get will also go towards bills and savings. I was reading up on Vision Boards and I want to make one for myself, there are so many things I want, so I need to put them down and bring them into fruition.

The guy I had been dating kind of ticked me off. I asked him to do me a favor and he said he would but then went into asking me a ton of questions. It was Sunday when I asked him to do said favor and he has yet to mention it. When he wants or needs something, he never has to mention it more than once to me. I feel some kind of way about having to ask people who I am always there for to do something for me several times. I feel like if it was something he wanted, then he would have been more diligent about following up. I have made up my mind that if he doesn't mention it by Monday then I am done with him. It may seem petty but I am tired of wasting my time with people who don't treat me as I treat them. I was already thinking of cutting him off because we hadn't spoken in a week and he came contacting me. I had packed up a few things that he left at my place and put them in my front closet. He asked about his items when he came over. I went to the front to get them and he made a comment that I put his stuff by the door like I had done with Nbr's things. You're damned right, I don't have time for the bull.

I am ready to really start taking care of me because if I don't nobody else will. When I am cleared to start back working out by the doctor, I will. I am ready to get my life back on track.

I'm Hit

Literally and figuratively, I've been hit. My cousin came into town over the weekend. The trip was going pretty well until this drunk driver hit the hell out of us. After I gave him a verbal lashing and got myself together, I was able to look at the damages. He completely crushed the back of my car with his pickup truck. What is even worse is that he tried to get away but thankfully, the street he turned on was a dead end and his truck was making a ton of noise.

I was able to flag down some police that were already working at the scene of a fatality on the freeway. My neck hurt instantly and I was eaten by mosquitoes in my club gear, which consisted of a mini dress and 3 inch heels.

The officers that assessed the situation of course deemed it was his fault but I was now without a car. Thankfully, a friend picked us up at around midnight and took us home. The next day I went and rented a car and of course I had to pay out of pocket since the insurance claim office was closed.

There are a lot of other crazy things going on but I am getting a headache just thinking about them. I am blessed that things are not worse than they are. I will be happy once my car situation is handled and I am no longer in pain.

Nobody Knows

Life goes on, whether we are ready for it or not. I have been enjoying this much needed break from school. I'm also just about settled into the new apartment. As I normally do this time of year, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. A year ago, I thought I'd be married to Teddy and planning my holidays with him. I haven't heard from him in over six months and I'm still alright with that. I realized that he had major trust issues and no matter what I would have done, things would not have worked between us.

The neighbor that I was dating is staying at my place for the meantime. We have a great time together and I like having him here. I can't lie, having the financial help is really coming in handy as well. He will be leaving soon but I'm in no hurry for him to leave. My sister had a chance to meet him when she came down for Thanksgiving and they got along well.

I can't wait to see what's ahead for me...

Growing Up

I talked to one of my BFFs(Songbird) since elementary school last night. As we've gotten older the group of us have all remained close but as life goes, we don't talk as often as we did when we were younger. We all make it a point though to keep in touch and give updates about what is going on in our lives.

I got a text from Songbird saying that she wanted to catch up and asked when I'd be free to talk. I told her that on Tuesday I would be free and we made plans to chat then. Tuesday came and went and I didn't remember to late in the evening that we hadn't spoke. I texted her asking if the mishap in us talking was my fault and she said she had been awaiting my call.

So anyway, when I called her, we said our hello's and immediately, I asked what was wrong from her tone. You know how it is when you know someone and you can just pick up that something is up? That is the vibe I got from her. Her reply was nothing was wrong. So I pressed on asking well if nothing was wrong, then what was not-so-good? She said that she just wasn't feeling good. I asked her why and she replied because she's pregnant. She then told me that they are getting married and soon before she even starts to show.

I can't honestly remember a time I was so speechless as I was processing that news. She said hello repeatedly and as my lips moved, nothing came out. I told her that I needed a few minutes to get myself together. When I finally could muster up some audible sounds, I laughed and that turned to crying. I couldn't believe that all of this was happening so suddenly.

Songbird has been with her guy since the same time Teddy and I became official so this is why it took such a toll on me. Not only have I not met this guy but now she is having a baby with him and marrying him. It seems like I am missing everything with my friend's lives but I know it's a part of being an adult.

My other BFF that is with Military Man is planning to get married next month around the same time at the courthouse. They even joked with each other about how they may all be in the same room sharing vows mass-style.

I can't lie and say I'm not a bit saddened that two of my best friends will both be getting married in a courthouse and that I won't be there. I'm happy for Songbird because she is genuinely happy and she had discussed with me over a month ago that she felt he was the one. The jury is still out on the union between BFF and Military Man.