Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Other Shoe....

....fell. Yesterday I was called into my bosses office to be informed that I'm being let go. They didn't give me an exact date, she says that I could be employed up until August but that it could be sooner. I am working on budget information at work this week. Part of me feels like they are waiting to have me finish working on loading everyone's salary but mine for next fiscal year before they give me my two week notice.

To say that I was shocked would be a complete understatement...I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I just got back from seeing my family over the weekend and I actually teared up on the plane ride back. I had the best time and wished that I was near them again.

I don't know what's in store for me. I feel like I am at my absolute worse at this point in my life. Who would have thought I'd lose a fiancee' and a job all in the same month....

Those of you who pray...please add me to your list. I am having a hard time trying to figure out why all of this is happening but I know there has to be some reason behind it.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Lately, I've been battling with one of the worse cases of insomnia. Of course a lot of it is stress related and due to the termination of my relationship with Teddy.

The craziest part about all of this is that I haven't had a cry fest about all that has happened. I've thought about contacting him a couple of times, it has been over a week and a half since we've last spoken. The thing that keeps me from reaching out to him is the coldness in his words during our last conversation.

I'm getting a much needed break from life and getting to see my friends and family. I am super excited and can't wait to be in the company of people who fight with me but at the end of the day we can reach a common ground or agree to disagree.

I've tried taking Melatonin but that actually kept me woke and had me resembling a zombie the next day at work. So last night, I tried a CVS sleep aid and although I still woke up several times during the night, it wasn't for prolonged periods of time.

I hate this part of break-ups, getting through the "grieving period." The sad part is that the insomnia started before we broke up because of the constant arguing. I actually thought that ending the stress he was bringing to my life would bring peace but it hasn't.

The worse part in this whole ending of the relationship is telling people. I hate having people in my business and was against my coworkers announcing it at work. I hate when people pity me so hopefully I won't have to cuss anyone out for wanting details, because people are just nosey. I'll tell my family officially this weekend just to have that out of the way.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Ugh and Ugh!!

I'm sure from the title of this post, you can tell I'm annoyed. Let's start with this...


Due to the recent student concerns regarding the Japan Tsunami disaster and nuclear radiation levels, we are considering moving the MBA International China Trip to August 7-16, 2011. We thought it would be in the best interest and safety of all parties that we push the dates back. Considering these new dates, please let me know your availability to still participate.

Talking about someone who is pissed off. I already took off the days next month from work and what is even worse is that the new proposed dates are not negotiable and that is budget time at work and it's damn near impossible to get a day off, much less more than a week.

Next up is Teddy....I'm almost certain that there will be no union joining the two of us. There are several reasons that bring me to this conclusion, but mainly the fact that he doesn't trust me that has me questioning whether or not I can go through with marrying him. He feels that if I want things to work out with him that I should be willing to do ANY and EVERYthing he says for the sake of our relationship. While there is no doubt in my heart that I love Teddy, in my head I can't rationalize needing to prove myself to him. One of the things that would help him trust me is if I gave up "The Nightlife". I went out two weekends in a row and he has now labeled me a "clubber."

The thing is, the nights I went out, were times we weren't even seeing each other, so it's not like I was taking away from time between the two of us. I just can't fathom giving up hanging out with BeBe and the girls because of Teddy's insecurity.

This is all pretty surreal to me at the moment. While nothing surprises me, I am in awe that I'm dealing with this. UGH!!!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Final Week

I am in the final week of classes. I'm so happy that I can hardly contain myself I have two projects and a post test to complete and I'll be done.

Did I mention I'm supposed to be going to China next month as a part of the MBA Program? I'm excited about the trip but seeing as though I'm at an HBCU, all the details have yet to come together. Shouldn't I know my flight and hotel information about a trip out of the country in a little over a month?

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I'm not sure if it is a good thing or not, I'll keep you all posted.

I visited a new church with BeBe a couple weeks ago. I really enjoyed it so we went back last weekend. It is the exact opposite of the mega church I had been attending. The church owns a suite in an office building complex and it has no foyer. In the midst of service, you can hear the kids in the nursery through the paper thin walls. Despite theses details, I truly enjoy being there...There is a young lady who leads praise and worship that has one of the most beautiful voices I've heard in person. The Pastor shows pure, raw emotion and I like going.

I'm in the process of finding a counselor to work with Teddy and I so that we can work through our issues together. I've decided not to have a big wedding at home anymore. I told my mom yesterday and she was really upset. So there goes one more thing to occupy my thoughts as I try to come up with a way to please both her and Teddy, does it ever end?