Weekend

I have been enjoying the holiday weekend. In fact, I think that every weekend should include three days. Friday I stayed in and watched some shows on my DVR. Saturday, like clock-work I was up at 6am. Let me tell you, the only time I will shop at a WMart is if I'm up super early, otherwise, they are just too crowded for my taste. I had finished all my shopping by 8am and was back at home.

I decided to make breakfast because it had been a minute since I had homemade breakfast. The breakfast was great and I started doing housework. Wouldn't you know it, a migraine showed up and took over my entire day. I took some gelcaps but had no relief, I knew I needed solid pills but I was in too much agony to drive anywhere. After about eight hours, it finally starting to go away. I had told BeBe I'd make jello shots and a side dish for her bbq Sunday so I had to get up.

I finally met some of BeBe's relatives. She is a lot closer with her friends than family but I felt pretty honored to meet them. I felt her pain when she texted me with a disclaimer that her family was full of characters. I reassured her that my family was comical as well, so no worries.

The good thing was that BeBe had some headache medicine that started to work almost instantly. I bought some decorations and themed plates for the bbq. BeBe is definitely not the holiday type so I knew not to call and ask her if I could hang the decorations, that it'd be better to just get them. I got home that evening and said well if I'm up in time, I will go to church in the morning.

So Sunday morning comes and I was up bright and early at 6am once again. I said well I guess that means that I'll be going to church. In a matter of minutes, my stomach started to hurt and I said well maybe I'll just go next weekend. As God is my witness, when I said that, the power at my apt cut off, it wasn't raining nor windy. I laughed out loud and got up and headed out. I was so glad I went, the message was just for me.

The bbq was a success last night. I helped BeBe set up and clean up. I'm truly blessed to have great friends and family and I know that when the time is right, that I'll get a new job, I just need to try to not think about it for the time being.

Forgiveness

I went to church yesterday with BeBe. The message was right on point for me. The Pastor is running a series and I am looking forward to attending until it ends. The main portion of the sermon that stuck with me was about forgiveness. He asked us to write down who hurt us and what they did to us down. I wrote Teddy's name because I realized I'm really hurt at the fact that he told me we were going to spend our lives together and then pretty much pulled the rug from up under me. I know that that's not really how it happened, he gave me a choice, but I feel that he backed me into a corner, just like he did the last time.

So anyway, the Pastor had a demonstration in which he had a garbage bags and words in it like, lies, cheating, back-stabbing, hurt and all the words he pulled out as he illustrated how we carry baggage. He then mentioned that sometimes the people that hurt us are sometimes the ones carrying that bag and it's impossible for them to love us because they're unhappy and don't love themselves. I could see Teddy and myself in that situation. He was cheated on by every girlfriend he ever had and that had taken a toll on him. So as I sat in that seat, with tears pouring from my eyes, I decided to forgive Teddy.

I know of course that forgiveness doesn't instantly make the pain go away, but I took the first major step towards recovery. I know that I don't want to carry a trash bag into my next relationship so this is something that must be done.

Unexpected

So guess who texted me at 6:36am.....Teddy! It's funny because I mentioned in my last post that I had been praying for him because he had been on my heart.

Well in his text, he was saying he was writing for closure. Then he mentioned a position he was considering taking on the east coast so that he could move on from me and only space will allow that to happen. The texts went on for about a half hour. I'm still uncertain as to where we left things. Part of me says it's been six weeks, just wait six more and maybe I'll be over him, the other part of me says that him reaching out was huge so maybe this all means something.

In other news, camping was so much fun!! We had a great time, although sleeping in a tent was not a high point for me. Let me also say how filthy the bathrooms were, I can't believe women used them, it seemed more like a pack of animals. When I got home, I ran to the shower, it was sweet relief. There were a ton of couples on the camping trip, I admit that I wished that I had come as a part of a couple, but hanging with BeBe was cool as always.

There is nothing else really going on, I have still been on the hunt for a new job so we'll see what happens next.....

Final Week

I am in the final week of classes. I'm so happy that I can hardly contain myself I have two projects and a post test to complete and I'll be done.

Did I mention I'm supposed to be going to China next month as a part of the MBA Program? I'm excited about the trip but seeing as though I'm at an HBCU, all the details have yet to come together. Shouldn't I know my flight and hotel information about a trip out of the country in a little over a month?

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I'm not sure if it is a good thing or not, I'll keep you all posted.

I visited a new church with BeBe a couple weeks ago. I really enjoyed it so we went back last weekend. It is the exact opposite of the mega church I had been attending. The church owns a suite in an office building complex and it has no foyer. In the midst of service, you can hear the kids in the nursery through the paper thin walls. Despite theses details, I truly enjoy being there...There is a young lady who leads praise and worship that has one of the most beautiful voices I've heard in person. The Pastor shows pure, raw emotion and I like going.

I'm in the process of finding a counselor to work with Teddy and I so that we can work through our issues together. I've decided not to have a big wedding at home anymore. I told my mom yesterday and she was really upset. So there goes one more thing to occupy my thoughts as I try to come up with a way to please both her and Teddy, does it ever end?

Balancing Act

I mentioned in a previous post that I have made a really great buddy, BeBe. When Teddy and I were trying having our issues, she was there with advice but mainly, acclimating me to the city.

While we were hanging out, I saw more of the city than I had since I've been here. I barely have to use the GPS since she's shown me so many back streets. Living in the same neighborhood means that we do a lot of last minute plans and I have no problem with that because while I appreciate time at home, I also like to get out and enjoy life.

When I was younger and in a relationship, while I had the same best friends since elementary school, I saw them still, but totally immersed myself into my relationship with whatever boyfriend I was with. I had one boyfriend that would go to "Girl's Night Out" events, just to monopolize my time.

After getting a bit older and realizing how rude it was to tote boyfriends to every social event I attended, I found a happy medium for friendships vs. relationships.
I've only had one relationship to date, where I felt that the person I was in a relationship with had an equal playing field with their time for me and their friends.

This brings me to Teddy....He doesn't really have any friends. The friends he does have, he never sees and only talks on the phone with them every few months. He had a best friend but they fell out a few years back and he has recently tried to reach out to him, but the friend doesn't really seem to be interested. Teddy's repsonse is that's why he doesn't have friends, because you can't trust people.

I'm not naive and I've shared with you all the story about how my best friend slept with my boyfriend years ago, so I too, have been burned. Despite the fact that I've been betrayed, I am not closed off to making new friends. While I realize that everyone won't be your BFF, there's nothing wrong with having people to hang out with on occasion.

BeBe and I still hang out and Teddy seems to not like it all that much. He won't come out and say it but I've asked him and he said "go out and have a good time." While he is far from controlling, I think that he's jealous that I have someone to hang out with that's my age, whereas before I was really just hanging out with the older ladies from work.

I never ditch him to hang out with her but there are times that I go out at night with her and that cuts into Teddy and my phone time. Sometimes I'll see her several times a week. The other day she had a watch party for "The Game." She invited me and her other friends over and we all brought a dish, they had drinks, desserts and I even brought my Wii. Her friends and I just get along and that's a huge plus for me.

I'm not sure if any of you have ever heard of a movie called, "I love you, Man," but it was about a man who had no friends who was trying to meet guys so he would have friends. I put the movie in for Teddy to watch and he was so uncomfortable that I ended up turning the movie off. While I don't want him to blow me off to hang out with his buddies, I think it'd be healthy that he had some friends to hang out with.

I guess the fact that he doesn't have friends wouldn't be so bad if he didn't seem slighted whenever I hung out. Like I said, he says that he is happy that I've made friends because he knows that I'm social, but that he's more of a homebody and would rather stay in.

Have any of you ever encountered anything like this?