Sunday, January 16, 2011

Balancing Act

I mentioned in a previous post that I have made a really great buddy, BeBe. When Teddy and I were trying having our issues, she was there with advice but mainly, acclimating me to the city.

While we were hanging out, I saw more of the city than I had since I've been here. I barely have to use the GPS since she's shown me so many back streets. Living in the same neighborhood means that we do a lot of last minute plans and I have no problem with that because while I appreciate time at home, I also like to get out and enjoy life.

When I was younger and in a relationship, while I had the same best friends since elementary school, I saw them still, but totally immersed myself into my relationship with whatever boyfriend I was with. I had one boyfriend that would go to "Girl's Night Out" events, just to monopolize my time.

After getting a bit older and realizing how rude it was to tote boyfriends to every social event I attended, I found a happy medium for friendships vs. relationships.
I've only had one relationship to date, where I felt that the person I was in a relationship with had an equal playing field with their time for me and their friends.

This brings me to Teddy....He doesn't really have any friends. The friends he does have, he never sees and only talks on the phone with them every few months. He had a best friend but they fell out a few years back and he has recently tried to reach out to him, but the friend doesn't really seem to be interested. Teddy's repsonse is that's why he doesn't have friends, because you can't trust people.

I'm not naive and I've shared with you all the story about how my best friend slept with my boyfriend years ago, so I too, have been burned. Despite the fact that I've been betrayed, I am not closed off to making new friends. While I realize that everyone won't be your BFF, there's nothing wrong with having people to hang out with on occasion.

BeBe and I still hang out and Teddy seems to not like it all that much. He won't come out and say it but I've asked him and he said "go out and have a good time." While he is far from controlling, I think that he's jealous that I have someone to hang out with that's my age, whereas before I was really just hanging out with the older ladies from work.

I never ditch him to hang out with her but there are times that I go out at night with her and that cuts into Teddy and my phone time. Sometimes I'll see her several times a week. The other day she had a watch party for "The Game." She invited me and her other friends over and we all brought a dish, they had drinks, desserts and I even brought my Wii. Her friends and I just get along and that's a huge plus for me.

I'm not sure if any of you have ever heard of a movie called, "I love you, Man," but it was about a man who had no friends who was trying to meet guys so he would have friends. I put the movie in for Teddy to watch and he was so uncomfortable that I ended up turning the movie off. While I don't want him to blow me off to hang out with his buddies, I think it'd be healthy that he had some friends to hang out with.

I guess the fact that he doesn't have friends wouldn't be so bad if he didn't seem slighted whenever I hung out. Like I said, he says that he is happy that I've made friends because he knows that I'm social, but that he's more of a homebody and would rather stay in.

Have any of you ever encountered anything like this?


Jameil said...

This post is kind of amusing to me. Rashan doesn't have any friends in part b/c of some bad friend behavior in his past but he's not closed off to making friends. I think we're starting to meet some fun couples which is cool. He doesn't have any issues of me hanging with people without him. I used to be really creeped out that he doesn't have friends. It's cool now because of the aforementioned. I feel like he'll get friends when the time is right. Oh and he thought "I Love You Man" was hilarious. I didn't mean for this to sound like bragging. If that's what it sounds like I'm sorry.

GorgeousPuddin said...

Sounds like he's in a vunerable place if the movie upset him. Men are so sensitive. I think since he reached out to the ex friend he is aware that he needs friends and men don't take rejection well so the friend not being interested in immediately resuming the friendship was a blow. You may have to subtly help like doing the couple thing.

It was great the you meshed with BeBe's other friends. That's usually a problem for me. I try to be really nice meeting my other friends friends but it mostly doesn't work. It's the cute girl complex. *shrugs*

Anywhoo maybe having a couple's mixer at your place with BeBe and her dude and her friends and their dudes will expose him more to the group! Wii brings folks together!! LOL!

I just want you to know my word veri is ashytoe the hell? o_O

Trish said...

Jameil-I didn't take your comment as bragging, actually it gives me hope. Teddy has met my older coworkers and their husbands and they all like him. Once he warms up to people, he's great!

Maybe once I start to meet couples, we can all hang out and Teddy can make some friends or at least hanging buddies.

GP-AshyToe?! Hahahahaha! BeBe doesn't have a man at the moment so us hanging as couples is a no-go right about now. You're right about that male ego though, I think he's really hurting from that rejection. I guess I'll have to see what happens, but today I mentioned to Teddy he needs to get a hobby to keep him preoccupied.

Nina said...

Teddy needs friends. We all need friends...who does he talk to when you guys have problems?

Trish said...

Nina- I said the exact same thing! He talks to me when we have problems. Teddy thinks that relationship issues should stay between a couple. But, I've told him that I have friends who are my sounding board. While I don't run posting our problems on FB for the world to see, I do have a select amount of friends who I confide in and lucky for him because sometimes they tell me I'm wrong and he gets an apology.

Young woman on a journey said...

The ex didn't have many reliable friends. and it was really difficult because dc is my environment and not only did i have friends gathered from years past, i make friends at every new job or adventure. it really really bothered him when i was spending time with friends, even if that time was time he didn't want to spend with me.

i think gorgeous is right. he is in a vulnerable place. and nina is right...he needs friends and people to talk to.

but speaking of getting good advice from friends. i think its a really good sign that even though it bothers him a bit, he doesn't try to stop you. i think its a testament to his maturity. the ex used to try to f up my night if i was hanging with other people. sending crazy texts, being mean, threatening to break up. and i've seen this same behavior exhibited among other men. i've even tried to stop some of my female friends from doing this to their men. so the mere fact that he's not doing these things means that you have a better starting point in potentially having things balance out a bit better.

Trish said...

YW-Yes, I think you're right. He isn't a jerk about it so I have hope. It's so great to hear you say that you stop your friends from telling their men to stay in. It is completely natural and healthy to socialize with people. I was thinking of trying to send Teddy on a "Man-Date!" LOL!

I'm hoping like Jameil said, that we'll meet some couples and he'll make friends that way.

Veronica said...

hey you're back finally!!!

gota catch up!!

meanwhile I moved :-)

my new blog address

save the new one!

Trish said...

V!!!! Thanks for the welcome! I am adding your new address now and I have to catch up on you too!!