Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Communication Woes

It has been brought to my attention that my communication skills could use some tweaking. I have never claimed to be a communicating guru but I always assumed that my plethora of friends spoke volumes for me. Although in the beginning, it may take me a while to warm up, after that, you can't get me to shut up.

My biggest communication flaw is when it comes to answering questions. I have known this about myself for many years. I don't mind being asked a question, it becomes a problem for me, however, when I begin to feel interrogated.

Teddy has a tendency of asking me a series of questions and after a while, I grow irritated by the "Grand Inquisition." My mother is also a "question maniac". She will call me with a list of things that she wants to ask me. While I can't necessarily control the fact that my Mom does this, I would like to have a relationship where my man isn't bombarding me with questions.

I know this may sound silly to some of you, but it has actually grown into a problem. In the beginning when we first began dating, I guess I didn't mind the questions so much because they are a part of getting to know each other. I had hoped though, that after knowing each other almost two years, that the questions would dwindle, but they haven't.

Let me give you an example of a recent conversation and you be the judge...

Teddy: What have you been up to?
Trish: Just getting out of church.
Teddy: What church did you go to?
Trish: Church on the Hills
Teddy: How did you hear about Church on the Hills?
Trish: BeBe told me about it.
Teddy: Does BeBe go to Church on the Hills?
Trish: *insert annoyed face*

These types of conversations happen all the time. It's like the questions keep coming if I don't get irritated by them. He says they are a way to get a dialogue going, but to me, it feels like I'm on a job interview.

The craziest part about this issue is that if I ask him what he did, it's usually a)watch tv, b)job-hunt. He is currently unemployed and looking for a job and is in school. He has absolutely nothing to talk about and cops a tude when I don't want to "be a contestant on Jeopardy." He even said in frustration to my refusal to answer the questions one night that he looks forward to talking to me all day, then when we speak in the evening, I have nothing to say. The sentiment is sweet, but I'm not your entertainment.

Sorry if this comes across like rambling or complaining. I love Teddy and I enjoy spending time with him, we never argue in person, but the phone time is very taxing on our relationship. He lives about an hour and a half away, so we typically only get to see each other once or twice a week. I like that he shows genuine concern for me and my day but once it becomes a constant flow of questions, I tune out.

Suggestions? Opinions??


Jameil said...

LOLOL! I got nothin! I could very easily be put on the grand inquisition team!

GorgeousPuddin said...

I ask A LOT of questions too! LOL! So...

But phone convos are really just a series of questions that lead to someone telling a story. So maybe since you know he wants to KNOW Bombard him with a story...

Something like hi babe I went to so and so church today that Be Be told me about the choir was awesome and that preacher preached I had a wondeful time and maybe you can go with me next time. Answer as many questions as you can with a story. LOL!

I hope this helps.

Trish said...

Jameil- TOO funny! I guess you have to be on one side or the other!

GP-I could try answering all the questions I think he could ask before he asks them and then, like you said, I wouldn't feel overwhelmed. Thanks, I'll try it and let you know how it goes.

BTW-It tickled me that both you AND Jameil are interviewers!

Young woman on a journey said...

so Trish...i am so like you. i hate this. it is like the worst thing to me. in fact, if you want to shut me up, ask me a bunch of questions back to back. if you let me talk, i'll ramble for weeks. ask me 3+ questions in a row and i have shit to say.

me and the ex used to have the same conversation. and even more hilarious, i have an inquisitive friend. and yesterday she was in my car asking me questions and i was so agitated, that she was scared to ask me who sang the song on the radio. i found it funny at teh time, but it annoys me cause she never gets the point. i'll tell her everything...if she would just not ask a bunch of questions.

anyway, go with gorgeous' plan. i have sometimes had to make myself do this. like tell a whole friggin story so that the story is told on my terms. no questions, except explanatory ones, and i don't feel as aggravated. the downside is that this is exhausting. but you gotta do it!

good luck!

Trish said...

YW-Finally! Someone who feels my pain! It's like we're kindred spirits! I have a friend who does the same and I generally end up getting off the phone when she starts up.

GP did have good advice that I'm going to try. I think he and I finally had a breakthrough on this issue today, I'm excited!

Miss.Stefanie said...

Trish...Go with YW's advice.

P.S: I have a new blog...check it out.

Nina said...

OMG!!! I am the same way...like...what do you care?!!! Hopefully, I don't do this to you...lol

Let me tell you what I want to tell you. Sheesh!