I went to church yesterday with BeBe. The message was right on point for me. The Pastor is running a series and I am looking forward to attending until it ends. The main portion of the sermon that stuck with me was about forgiveness. He asked us to write down who hurt us and what they did to us down. I wrote Teddy's name because I realized I'm really hurt at the fact that he told me we were going to spend our lives together and then pretty much pulled the rug from up under me. I know that that's not really how it happened, he gave me a choice, but I feel that he backed me into a corner, just like he did the last time.
So anyway, the Pastor had a demonstration in which he had a garbage bags and words in it like, lies, cheating, back-stabbing, hurt and all the words he pulled out as he illustrated how we carry baggage. He then mentioned that sometimes the people that hurt us are sometimes the ones carrying that bag and it's impossible for them to love us because they're unhappy and don't love themselves. I could see Teddy and myself in that situation. He was cheated on by every girlfriend he ever had and that had taken a toll on him. So as I sat in that seat, with tears pouring from my eyes, I decided to forgive Teddy.
I know of course that forgiveness doesn't instantly make the pain go away, but I took the first major step towards recovery. I know that I don't want to carry a trash bag into my next relationship so this is something that must be done.