Monday, September 14, 2009

In A Relationship...

So I'm sure this topic has been discussed in Blogland, maybe even by one you but I possibly missed it. This topic is in reference to FB relationship statuses.

The other night Teddy and I were talking about this topic and I wondered how you all felt about it. Personally, I have only been in a couple relationships since hitting the FB scene. I'm really private when it comes to everyone knowing all my business so I took off the relationship line totally.

When I was with this last Ex, he had originally wanted to put in a relationship but I talked him out of it and he deleted the relationship line totally as well. I was always reluctant to put up pictures of us because we had a lot of common friends and again, I didn't want the world looking at our relationship nor trying to cause problems.

After telling Teddy that I didn't put up pics of the Ex originally I began to feel bad about some of my actions with him. I'm thinking of asking him to lunch to talk before I leave for TX.

The next relationship I enter I am going to be more open to his feelings and needs. I realized that because I wasn't feeling my relationship with the Ex 100% I wasn't giving it my all and that wasn't fair to either one of us. Relationships are about compromise and trying to keep the other person happy without losing yourself. I believe that I have learned alot over this past year, I honestly feel like I've grown and I'm ready for this next phase in life.

When talking with Teddy he said he wasn't pressed about the whole relationship status either way. I thought that was a small sigh of relief, however we got into talking again about the posting of pics. My thing with that is that although you don't have it posted that you're in a relationship, if your constantly adding pics of the two of you together, isn't that showing what is going on without saying it?

I think that these trivial things sometimes blow up to unwanted drama. After breaking up with the Ex I was grateful I hadn't put the relationship status because I have seen first hand how nosey and insensitive people are when someone's relationship ends.

I know I'm thinking way too much on this because ultimately, the relationship itself is more important than any statuses, comments or opinions from anyone else.

So I'm interested in hearing everyone's take on this topic and/or experiences.


Anonymous said...

Oh man, I agreed with every word you said about the statuses field but now I'm very confused. Just imagine how it would make you feel if you wanted to share with the world who you were with and he wanted to keep it secret. I would immediately through up more walls and my feelings would be very hurt. But people are TOO nosey and very insensitive. FB kinda makes you like a celebrity. And we know they can only be successful when the details of their relationship are kept secret. I leave all those details off too. If I'm that cool with someone, they know that they can ask me what my status is and I'll tell them. Otherwise mind yo bitness.

Trish said...

Buttahfly-Yeah I feel pretty low about it all in retrospect but they say hindsight is 20/20, I won't make the same mistakes again.

I agree with you totally about sharing my relationship status, its not that the relationship was a secret, I just didn't want every detail on display. So if he decides he wants a public display I guess I will have to go along with it.

So right about the celebrity comment, I always said I'd take being rich, but I'd opt out of the being famous portion.

Nina said...


Recently, the FB set has become extreeemely nosey. I have been in pseudo-relationships...that really haven't meant much. I don't put that on blast. Usually, if it lasts more than 6 months...boom! FB-time. The last thing with Aussie...I put "In a Relationship" out of spite for Afroman. Just because we had a bit of an argument. I was crazy about him. I think now more so, I would be really catious. Like..sure sure that it will work.

Miss.Stefanie said...

"The next relationship I enter I am going to be more open to his feelings and needs."

Bets post thus far

Young woman on a journey said...

i agree with buttahfly and nina. i totally felt you on this post. remember i had the same issue with the ex? he was so adamant about us putting our status up and i kept saying that i didn't want people being nosey and mostly, i didn't want people wishing our relationship bad luck. no bad luck wishes were necessary apparently. but i get inquiries now as i did then about me having a man and now about us breaking up. furthermore, people talk to much shit and now people are asking my close friends if the boo was abusive and for how long and even though they say no, i'm sure there is some rumor suggesting i got my ass beat which was not the truth. so its stuff like that i like to avoid.

i think there should only be two status options, nothing and "married."

yes as steph said, you should be open to someone's needs and feelings. but while relationships are about compromise, your feelings and needs should not be discarded in the process. trust me...a little lesson i learned from this last foray into the relationship world.

sorry for the essay...

Trish said...

Nina-Lol!! See the spite is just what I want to avoid. But like you said this time around, you're going to switch it up, it's all about learning from the past.

Stef-Thanks!! I am really trying to push through and be the woman I'm meant to be.

Trish said...

YW-I appreciate the feedback. Like I said I was really feeling bad about my behavior in the past and wondered how you all dealt with the whole FB shenanigans.

I'm really glad that everyone seems to share the same opinion about this. Yeah I definitely remember the situation with you and the Ex with the whole status dilemma.

I think that people just need to be more mindful of what they ask and take into consideration how they'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Married or single as relationshp status sounds like a great idea to me!!

I'm so mad that people are asking your friends about what happened with your ex, nosey bastards!!!

These are all life lessons though and we grow as we learn.

MilesPerHour said...

I don't really mind that my relationship status is on facebook. What really gets me is all the people who are NOT my friends sending me friend requests and then getting pissed off cuz I don't accept them.

Trish said...

MPH-Lol! Yeah I hate that too, if I don't know you...I don't accept you. I also don't accept people I work with, can't call in "sick" and write about hanging at the mall, lol!

Young woman on a journey said...

lol...i've gotten some pissy messages after taking people off as friends. i just decided to stop posting anything personal and accepting most requests. no harm in it if i'm still being private.

yeah trish...people are wayyyyyyy too nosey!

Young woman on a journey said...

oh...and you are right about people being mindful of expectations. i definitely understand wondering how you would feel if someone had treated you similarly. but then i figure that i probably wouldn't be so pressed for the facebook status and probably the person i'm meant for wouldn't sweat it either.

now...not introducing me to friends or making me part of your world....that's some other ish that i DO care about.

so while i get it, i still think that the person you mesh with, like teddy, will be on the same page.

Tricia said...

i agree with all and i loved the post. I remember when me and the mister joined facebook, he insisted we put in a relationship with each other. He told me, he doesn't have anything to hide, me was touched.
I can say it has its lows and all, people all up in your grill.
But when you do the whole 'in a relationship' thing you have to realize that and even when we have beef, i don't put complicated or such, i just leave it like that so that pple don't get up in our biz, its a huge step.

Trish said...

YW-I'm with you as far as meeting friends and family now that would be aa huge issue for me. Teddy has been great with everything else so far so I am confident that none of this will be an issue.

Can I also say how petty are people to want confrontation after being removed as a "friend?" If you were a real friend you would already know what was going on.

Tricia- Welcome! I am so glad you brought up the "it's complicated" that is TMI in my opinion. I have "friends" who use that every other week it seems and their daily updates bash their partner.

You can always tell when they have made up because then the status has them "in a relationsip again," and they add new lovey dovey pics saying how in love they are. It's great that you and your man aren't participants in that madness.

me said...

I don't see a problem with putting it on there if you're serious with a person, but I have to admit I took my line away too. Some people almost act like their relationship means nothing if they can't make it "official" on fb, lol. Technology is a trip.

So, what city did you decide on in TX??