Cooking with Trish

I'm making food for my office "Holiday Potluck." I am making a peach cobbler and chicken caesar pasta salad. This is my second attempt at the peach cobbler, the first time I received great compliments but the neighbor barely ate any and I ended up throwing over half of it away. I am debating on whether or not to add nutmeg, which I added to the first cobbler. I've been digging through different recipes where some people call for nutmeg and others don't. I should have asked Jameil what she thought before I started baking....

Okay call me rude, but I'm nervous about what my coworkers will be bringing in. I put a sign-in sheet up so that we could have an idea of who was bringing what. One person put that they were bringing jellyfish. Really, jellyfish? The majority of my department is made up of foreigners but I am hoping to try a few new dishes that I actually like.

I'm going to save this post now so that I can add pictures of the finished products.

Okay guys, the cobbler is a little browner than I intended it to be because I had the oven on already from cooking the chicken in the pasta. Hopefully my coworkers enjoy~

Nobody Knows

Life goes on, whether we are ready for it or not. I have been enjoying this much needed break from school. I'm also just about settled into the new apartment. As I normally do this time of year, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. A year ago, I thought I'd be married to Teddy and planning my holidays with him. I haven't heard from him in over six months and I'm still alright with that. I realized that he had major trust issues and no matter what I would have done, things would not have worked between us.

The neighbor that I was dating is staying at my place for the meantime. We have a great time together and I like having him here. I can't lie, having the financial help is really coming in handy as well. He will be leaving soon but I'm in no hurry for him to leave. My sister had a chance to meet him when she came down for Thanksgiving and they got along well.

I can't wait to see what's ahead for me...

All is Well

The new job has been keeping me super busy. There are days that I am in the office past time and I am one of those people who is ready to go at exactly quitting time! There is a lady who is older than me but who I am to begin supervising in the upcoming weeks. My boss was trying to give me time to get settled into my position before I had to begin my supervisory role but he thinks that this change needs to take effect sooner than later. The problem is that the lady pretty much feels that because I am younger than her, that she can boss me around. There have been a few instances that have made her feelings about where we stand pretty clear. Unfortunately, she is the only person unaware that I will be supervising her. She complains to me everyday about how she is overworked and underpaid and sometimes gets an attitudes with our superiors. I am so not looking forward to managing her.....

School is flying on by this semester. I have two very demanding classes that pretty much require that I attend online lectures. After last semester's fiasco but my group, new groups were formed and I was optimistic. One guy who was selling himself as such a great group member on the China trip has turned out to be a dud. He has really irked our group's nerves and last week, we submitted an assignment and purposely left his name off. All I can hope is that the fact that we left his name off the assignment will be a wake up call for him because he does not at all participate unless we pretty much stalk him.

I've been hanging out with a neighbor for a couple of months now. We thought it would be nice to not jump into a relationship, but to get to really know each other. I'm glad that we went about things this way. I have really been getting to know him and enjoy spending time with him, though at the same time I wonder if I can see myself in an actual relationship with him. At present, I am enjoying the moment. Do you guys know that people still ask me if Teddy has broken down and called me yet? How many months has it been? Please do yourself a favor and get over it...

Lastly, I am moving once again. I have a neighbor who has a verbally abusive man that just got out of jail. Every single day I hear him yelling at her telling her she is nothing, calling her out of her name and slamming doors, it is insane. The argument between them got so heated last night I decided to call the police but my friend talked me out of it. I'm just glad to be leaving this place. When I first moved here, it was a serene oasis but now it has turned into a dump that I can't wait to escape.

Right On Time!!!

Guess who has a new job?!!!! It's at my same company, in a different department and the best part is that the position is a promotion!!! So not only did I get three weeks off paid this month, but I also get a job making more money??!!!

I am SO super blessed! God is always right on time in my life!

China Photos- Part 5

China Photos-Part 4

China Photos-Part 3

China Photos-Part 2

China Photos-Part 1

Back at Home

I'm back in the states!! My flight got in a little before midnight last night. I had a wonderful trip. I went to both Beijing and Shanghai and it was definitely a once in a lifetime experience.

The trip was structured so that we had seminars and also had the opportunity to explore the city. I met a few people who were very nice and I'm sure I will continue to keep in touch with. I also met a guy on the trip. At first, I thought that maybe he was a little peculiar because he kept looking at me. I guess I've been out of the loop for a minute because a class member brought to my attention that he just likes me and that's why he keeps staring.

Anyways he and I actually got to talking and were inseparable the rest of the trip. We hung out at night when the rest of the guys went to the club every evening, just talking. He's really sweet and everyone likes him, he has a way of making everyone feel comfortable. On the flight back from China, he got a lady to switch seats with me and even offered her $20. I thought that him making that gesture was super sweet. The only downfall is that he doesn't live in Texas but he's made it clear he'd like to talk anyway and questioned if I'd come visit if he bought a plane ticket for me.

My last official day of work was the Friday before I left for the trip. I have an interview tomorrow morning. I am so praying that I get this job, it's at my company but in a different department and it would be a promotion. I will keep you all posted. Oh and last thing I wanted to tell you all, I ended up getting a C- in my class, meaning I have to repeat thanks to my group members failure to get our video submitted on time. I am appealing the grade.

Un-Wonderful Time of the Year

It is budget time at work. It is my least favorite time of the year. I have worked 12 days straight and counting. I am scheduled to work both tomorrow and Sunday as well. I am so exhausted that my eyes have formed into slits.

I am not getting overtime but I am banking comptime which I will use to go on the trip with my MBA program. Although I originally signed up for the trip, that was before I found out about my whole job situation so mentally I opted out. All of a sudden last weekend in the midst of my stress, I decided that I needed a break and since my hotel and flight were paid for by the school, that I should take advantage of the once in a lifetime opportunity.

As I said earlier, I am just super tired and next week is the final week of classes so I have a ton of work to do. Next week is also the last week to wrap up the budget process at work so it will be hell on earth. It really hit me that my job will be no longer as I looked in our online system and saw that I was disapproved to receive funding for next fiscal year. I've been on a couple of interviews but no bites as of yet but I am still optimistic. I am noticing that a couple of people inquire about my pursuing my Master's, wondering how I will be able to work and attend school. I am half way through my program, obviously, I am doing something right. I am thinking about taking that off of my resume until I am finish. Does anyone have any advice on that?

Wow! Really?!

So this has been a really trying week for me. My school group has been working my nerves. Last night, we were on a conference call for three hours until 1am, working our our project. I hate that they all wait until the last minute and then try to get things done. We are all adults in this group and yet and still, I have to be the one to delegate the assignments, send reminders and edit each and every assignment. I know that if I'm not the one to put the assignments together, then there is a strong possibility that I won't pass the class.

We had a staff meeting at work and my boss asked me in the middle of the meeting how my job search was coming. How do you think? If I had a job lady, I wouldn't be here at this very moment.

I had a job interview today and a phone interview. The in-person interview, the guy told me, "look, I'm going to be honest, I'm not offering you this job." To say I was a bit caught off guard would be an understatement. The phone interview went slightly better, he didn't tell me straight away that I didn't have the job, he said that they'd be in touch. The position sounds really demanding but at this point, I need not be choosy.

I don't have any real big plans for this weekend. I'd like to get my homework done this weekend so that I don't have to worry about it next week and I need to do some cleaning. I'd like to see a movie or two, I just need to make myself get back into the habit of going out alone again.

Weekend

I have been enjoying the holiday weekend. In fact, I think that every weekend should include three days. Friday I stayed in and watched some shows on my DVR. Saturday, like clock-work I was up at 6am. Let me tell you, the only time I will shop at a WMart is if I'm up super early, otherwise, they are just too crowded for my taste. I had finished all my shopping by 8am and was back at home.

I decided to make breakfast because it had been a minute since I had homemade breakfast. The breakfast was great and I started doing housework. Wouldn't you know it, a migraine showed up and took over my entire day. I took some gelcaps but had no relief, I knew I needed solid pills but I was in too much agony to drive anywhere. After about eight hours, it finally starting to go away. I had told BeBe I'd make jello shots and a side dish for her bbq Sunday so I had to get up.

I finally met some of BeBe's relatives. She is a lot closer with her friends than family but I felt pretty honored to meet them. I felt her pain when she texted me with a disclaimer that her family was full of characters. I reassured her that my family was comical as well, so no worries.

The good thing was that BeBe had some headache medicine that started to work almost instantly. I bought some decorations and themed plates for the bbq. BeBe is definitely not the holiday type so I knew not to call and ask her if I could hang the decorations, that it'd be better to just get them. I got home that evening and said well if I'm up in time, I will go to church in the morning.

So Sunday morning comes and I was up bright and early at 6am once again. I said well I guess that means that I'll be going to church. In a matter of minutes, my stomach started to hurt and I said well maybe I'll just go next weekend. As God is my witness, when I said that, the power at my apt cut off, it wasn't raining nor windy. I laughed out loud and got up and headed out. I was so glad I went, the message was just for me.

The bbq was a success last night. I helped BeBe set up and clean up. I'm truly blessed to have great friends and family and I know that when the time is right, that I'll get a new job, I just need to try to not think about it for the time being.

Forgiveness

I went to church yesterday with BeBe. The message was right on point for me. The Pastor is running a series and I am looking forward to attending until it ends. The main portion of the sermon that stuck with me was about forgiveness. He asked us to write down who hurt us and what they did to us down. I wrote Teddy's name because I realized I'm really hurt at the fact that he told me we were going to spend our lives together and then pretty much pulled the rug from up under me. I know that that's not really how it happened, he gave me a choice, but I feel that he backed me into a corner, just like he did the last time.

So anyway, the Pastor had a demonstration in which he had a garbage bags and words in it like, lies, cheating, back-stabbing, hurt and all the words he pulled out as he illustrated how we carry baggage. He then mentioned that sometimes the people that hurt us are sometimes the ones carrying that bag and it's impossible for them to love us because they're unhappy and don't love themselves. I could see Teddy and myself in that situation. He was cheated on by every girlfriend he ever had and that had taken a toll on him. So as I sat in that seat, with tears pouring from my eyes, I decided to forgive Teddy.

I know of course that forgiveness doesn't instantly make the pain go away, but I took the first major step towards recovery. I know that I don't want to carry a trash bag into my next relationship so this is something that must be done.

Unexpected

So guess who texted me at 6:36am.....Teddy! It's funny because I mentioned in my last post that I had been praying for him because he had been on my heart.

Well in his text, he was saying he was writing for closure. Then he mentioned a position he was considering taking on the east coast so that he could move on from me and only space will allow that to happen. The texts went on for about a half hour. I'm still uncertain as to where we left things. Part of me says it's been six weeks, just wait six more and maybe I'll be over him, the other part of me says that him reaching out was huge so maybe this all means something.

In other news, camping was so much fun!! We had a great time, although sleeping in a tent was not a high point for me. Let me also say how filthy the bathrooms were, I can't believe women used them, it seemed more like a pack of animals. When I got home, I ran to the shower, it was sweet relief. There were a ton of couples on the camping trip, I admit that I wished that I had come as a part of a couple, but hanging with BeBe was cool as always.

There is nothing else really going on, I have still been on the hunt for a new job so we'll see what happens next.....

Distractions

I've been trying to distract myself from thinking lately. I know to some, that may sound silly, but with my recently plague of insomnia, light-thinking has been allowing me to have restful nights. While I'm awake, I do think about the job situation, because that, I really can't control. I applied for fourteen jobs today and have a meeting with a placement agency tomorrow.

I'm going camping with BeBe and the girls this weekend. I asked Toot to borrow some camping equipment. He told me that I could borrow whatever I needed and asked me to call off work to hang with him and get the items. Well that day came and I couldn't take off. That fool Toot had the nerve to be mad and when I asked him about still using some of his camping gear, he said no. The fact that he had the nerve to tell me no when I've driven out of my way, through a thunderstorm to bring him money that he needed to borrow, pissed me off.

I went to a comedy show Saturday evening. The headliner was Lavelle Crawford and the opening act was named Spike Jackson. Let me tell you all, between those two men, I laughed until I cried. The laughter I got that night was just what the doctor ordered. When I'm sad, often times, I watch or listen to something funny to lift my spirits.

Last night I had a dream about Teddy. I think that the dream was because I prayed for him before I went to bed. Despite the way things ended between him and me, I still want only the best for him. I actually woke myself up from a dream for once. The dream had just started and in it my phone rang and I reached for it and saw that it was Teddy calling. I remembered thinking, this must be a dream, he's too proud to call me and just like that, I woke myself up.

What other ramblings???? I'm not sure if I told you guys but my sister officially moved to Arizona. I'm so proud of her and I am glad that she has followed her dream. One of my brothers teased that I turned her into a traitor since she left our hometown, my thing is, if being a traitor means doing what your heart desires, I'll be a traitor every time.

In the Meantime

There hasn't been really anything blog worthy to write about. Each day, I give myself a number and that's how many jobs I apply for. Want an example? Sure you want an example, Wednesday, I applied for 25 jobs and yesterday, 10. I took a break today but will be back on the hunt. I just started to feel drained in my job search but I will be back on it Monday.

Just in case anyone is wondering, I haven't spoken to Teddy. Most people have stopped asking if we've reconciled. How about my Mom asked my sister if she should tell my Pastor that the wedding is off? My sister told my Mom, well even if they did get back together, the wedding wouldn't be the same date, so yes. The craziest part is that I already told my Mother when I went home for Easter that she could cancel the church.

I've met a few guys, but they have all been either too freaking old or too young. I know that I probably shouldn't be worried about men at the moment but I'm not worried, just looking for a distraction at the moment.

Speaking of being worried about a man.....So the other day I asked my Texas Mom if she wanted to go to a comedy show, she said she'd let me know. Could someone tell me why she informed me that her husband would also be joining us? This is the second time that a married woman has done this to me. I just don't understand how married people think it's alright to just bring their spouse. I told my other coworker that I need to get a man so that I won't be a third wheel. I'm getting annoyed all over again. Anyway, after begging my other coworker to go, I am no longer the third wheel. I've been the third wheel before, but Texas Mom and husband are much older than I am and since I look young enough to get carded for Nyquil, I don't want to feel like I'm out with my parents.

I'm hoping for a good weekend, there's nothing better than a Friday night. I have plans to watch a couple of movies and just relax. I hope you all have a great weekend!

The Other Shoe....

....fell. Yesterday I was called into my bosses office to be informed that I'm being let go. They didn't give me an exact date, she says that I could be employed up until August but that it could be sooner. I am working on budget information at work this week. Part of me feels like they are waiting to have me finish working on loading everyone's salary but mine for next fiscal year before they give me my two week notice.

To say that I was shocked would be a complete understatement...I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I just got back from seeing my family over the weekend and I actually teared up on the plane ride back. I had the best time and wished that I was near them again.

I don't know what's in store for me. I feel like I am at my absolute worse at this point in my life. Who would have thought I'd lose a fiancee' and a job all in the same month....

Those of you who pray...please add me to your list. I am having a hard time trying to figure out why all of this is happening but I know there has to be some reason behind it.

Insomnia

Lately, I've been battling with one of the worse cases of insomnia. Of course a lot of it is stress related and due to the termination of my relationship with Teddy.

The craziest part about all of this is that I haven't had a cry fest about all that has happened. I've thought about contacting him a couple of times, it has been over a week and a half since we've last spoken. The thing that keeps me from reaching out to him is the coldness in his words during our last conversation.

I'm getting a much needed break from life and getting to see my friends and family. I am super excited and can't wait to be in the company of people who fight with me but at the end of the day we can reach a common ground or agree to disagree.

I've tried taking Melatonin but that actually kept me woke and had me resembling a zombie the next day at work. So last night, I tried a CVS sleep aid and although I still woke up several times during the night, it wasn't for prolonged periods of time.

I hate this part of break-ups, getting through the "grieving period." The sad part is that the insomnia started before we broke up because of the constant arguing. I actually thought that ending the stress he was bringing to my life would bring peace but it hasn't.

The worse part in this whole ending of the relationship is telling people. I hate having people in my business and was against my coworkers announcing it at work. I hate when people pity me so hopefully I won't have to cuss anyone out for wanting details, because people are just nosey. I'll tell my family officially this weekend just to have that out of the way.

Ugh and Ugh!!

I'm sure from the title of this post, you can tell I'm annoyed. Let's start with this...

All,

Due to the recent student concerns regarding the Japan Tsunami disaster and nuclear radiation levels, we are considering moving the MBA International China Trip to August 7-16, 2011. We thought it would be in the best interest and safety of all parties that we push the dates back. Considering these new dates, please let me know your availability to still participate.

Talking about someone who is pissed off. I already took off the days next month from work and what is even worse is that the new proposed dates are not negotiable and that is budget time at work and it's damn near impossible to get a day off, much less more than a week.

Next up is Teddy....I'm almost certain that there will be no union joining the two of us. There are several reasons that bring me to this conclusion, but mainly the fact that he doesn't trust me that has me questioning whether or not I can go through with marrying him. He feels that if I want things to work out with him that I should be willing to do ANY and EVERYthing he says for the sake of our relationship. While there is no doubt in my heart that I love Teddy, in my head I can't rationalize needing to prove myself to him. One of the things that would help him trust me is if I gave up "The Nightlife". I went out two weekends in a row and he has now labeled me a "clubber."

The thing is, the nights I went out, were times we weren't even seeing each other, so it's not like I was taking away from time between the two of us. I just can't fathom giving up hanging out with BeBe and the girls because of Teddy's insecurity.

This is all pretty surreal to me at the moment. While nothing surprises me, I am in awe that I'm dealing with this. UGH!!!

Final Week

I am in the final week of classes. I'm so happy that I can hardly contain myself I have two projects and a post test to complete and I'll be done.

Did I mention I'm supposed to be going to China next month as a part of the MBA Program? I'm excited about the trip but seeing as though I'm at an HBCU, all the details have yet to come together. Shouldn't I know my flight and hotel information about a trip out of the country in a little over a month?

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I'm not sure if it is a good thing or not, I'll keep you all posted.

I visited a new church with BeBe a couple weeks ago. I really enjoyed it so we went back last weekend. It is the exact opposite of the mega church I had been attending. The church owns a suite in an office building complex and it has no foyer. In the midst of service, you can hear the kids in the nursery through the paper thin walls. Despite theses details, I truly enjoy being there...There is a young lady who leads praise and worship that has one of the most beautiful voices I've heard in person. The Pastor shows pure, raw emotion and I like going.

I'm in the process of finding a counselor to work with Teddy and I so that we can work through our issues together. I've decided not to have a big wedding at home anymore. I told my mom yesterday and she was really upset. So there goes one more thing to occupy my thoughts as I try to come up with a way to please both her and Teddy, does it ever end?

Stressed

I know that I should be focusing on wedding planning but I've been super stressed. I blame school, work and Teddy. We're supposed to take our engagement pictures this weekend. The rate at which he's been on my nerves....I can only imagine how the pictures will look.

I'm not one of those people who believes that marriage fixes everything. In fact, I think the opposite. While of course, I want to get married, sometimes the thought of forever, scares the hell out of me. I think that when your mate gets on your nerves, they don't go anywhere, there are just in your space.

Over the last few days, my communication flaw has been brought up again. I have no clue why Teddy thinks just because we're engaged, that now I will be thrilled to answer a shitload of questions. ***Newsflash, I still hate being asked a ton of questions*****Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but he also thinks that I should be forthcoming with everything, the present and the past. The past sucks the worse...I don't see why he feels he needs to know every waking detail of what has happened to me before I even knew him.

I say all this to say that he has me stressed. I'm not sure what to do at this point. On one hand, I think that I should change since I know that I should be willing to answer my spouse's questions and share things with him. On the other hand, I think hell, I've been this way since the beginning, don't expect change now.

Today has been a very hellish day for me, can you tell?

To Be or Not to Be....A Bridesmaid

As I've mentioned in past posts, I've been blessed with wonderful friends. These aren't your regular "girlfriends," they're wake up at 3am to listen to you cry and vent and the type that you're never a guest when you're at their home.

Then we get to my cousins....one of whom is only two months older than me and we've hung since we were little as well. The other, her sister, we've had gotten really close through the years too and then we fell out Labor Day because of a fight with her daughter's father.

Next up is my sister-in-law. She isn't the typical, speak-when-you're-around-her-and- that's-it, sister-in-law. We've been on all day shopping excursions, she call to check up on me, just because and we even took a vacation to Myrtle Beach together.

I say all this to say that with all these people, plus my sister, who is Maid of Honor, I have too many people who want to be a part of the bridal party. The number of ladies including my sister totals eight. While eight isn't an enormous number, Teddy does not have enough men to accomodate a bridal party of this size.

I thought to cut the cousin I fell out with, but her sister said if I cut her sister, to keep down confusion, she would sit out as well. Sounds like I'd be #Winning, right?(My sister has me saying that mess, lol!) But no, I really want my closest cousin in the ceremony. Also, in one breath she says she'll sit out, but the next, how she can't wait to see what dresses I've selected, talking about indecisive.

Since the wedding is October 22nd, I don't have much longer to decide what I'm going to do about this situation. I know that ordering dresses takes a while sometimes and I don't want any issues because of me.

I'm giving myself until the end of the week to notify the participants in the wedding party. I've been in a couple of weddings and honestly, I don't want to be in any more, so I'm not sure why so many people actually want to be bridesmaids....Any advice???

The Haps

As life goes, there is always so much going on, with so little free time. One of my brother's finally came down to visit and we had a great visit. He bought me a new bag, 32-inch tv and a really nice watch. They were all early birthday presents.

Teddy hit it off great with my brother, as I thought he would. They were even both rapping to songs in the car. I smiled as two of my favorite guys got along and shared stories of their pasts.

School has been a lot more demanding lately. I meet with my classmates up to three times a week but the best part is I seem to be doing apparently well in both my Stats and Accounting classes.

Work has been alright for the most part. There are layoffs among us and I know of two people who are getting fired tomorrow but obviously I'm not the one to tell them. I felt so bad because one person was telling me her life woes, including being the only employed one in her family.

My sister has been down twice in a three week span, we even went to New Orleans. It was my first time there and we had a blast. We both definitely plan to go back somtime this year.

I interviewed for an internal position, but I didn't get it. Oddly enough, I wasn't disappointed, the manager of the position actually gave me the creeps, so no love lost there.

Hmmmm...what else....just kidding. I saved the best for last......

TEDDY AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!

We're getting married this fall and I couldn't be more excited and stressed! I have been planning like a maniac. There is one thing that has been getting on my nerves when I tell people my news, their inquiry as to whether or not I'm pregnant. Can't a black woman get married without being pregnant?! Ugh!

Well I'm off to catch up on what's been going on with you all.

So Icy

Yes, here in the Lone Star State, ice has overtaken us. I just came in from taking Baby out to use the bathroom and there's even ice on the grass. The good news is that we've been getting warned for days, so as a precaution, my job informed everyone yesterday that today, we'd be closed.

One of my older brothers is coming into town today and I'm so super excited. He was supposed to arrive last night, but the airport cancelled his flight. The good news is that the weather is supposed to increase to 40 degrees today, 55 tomorrow and 67 Sunday. I am just hoping that by the time I leave for the airport this afternoon that the sun has melted away the ice.

I have an itinerary of things things planned while my brother is in town. What I'm most excited about is to have him meet Teddy. To date, the entire time we've been dating, Teddy has only met my sister. I think that Teddy and my brother will hit it off well. My brother is the life of the party and I think it'll be nice that Teddy gets to hang around a guy close in age.

I guess I'll nap for a bit since my body clock still woke me up instinctively at 5:30a.m.

Communication Woes

It has been brought to my attention that my communication skills could use some tweaking. I have never claimed to be a communicating guru but I always assumed that my plethora of friends spoke volumes for me. Although in the beginning, it may take me a while to warm up, after that, you can't get me to shut up.

My biggest communication flaw is when it comes to answering questions. I have known this about myself for many years. I don't mind being asked a question, it becomes a problem for me, however, when I begin to feel interrogated.

Teddy has a tendency of asking me a series of questions and after a while, I grow irritated by the "Grand Inquisition." My mother is also a "question maniac". She will call me with a list of things that she wants to ask me. While I can't necessarily control the fact that my Mom does this, I would like to have a relationship where my man isn't bombarding me with questions.

I know this may sound silly to some of you, but it has actually grown into a problem. In the beginning when we first began dating, I guess I didn't mind the questions so much because they are a part of getting to know each other. I had hoped though, that after knowing each other almost two years, that the questions would dwindle, but they haven't.

Let me give you an example of a recent conversation and you be the judge...

Teddy: What have you been up to?
Trish: Just getting out of church.
Teddy: What church did you go to?
Trish: Church on the Hills
Teddy: How did you hear about Church on the Hills?
Trish: BeBe told me about it.
Teddy: Does BeBe go to Church on the Hills?
Trish: *insert annoyed face*

These types of conversations happen all the time. It's like the questions keep coming if I don't get irritated by them. He says they are a way to get a dialogue going, but to me, it feels like I'm on a job interview.

The craziest part about this issue is that if I ask him what he did, it's usually a)watch tv, b)job-hunt. He is currently unemployed and looking for a job and is in school. He has absolutely nothing to talk about and cops a tude when I don't want to "be a contestant on Jeopardy." He even said in frustration to my refusal to answer the questions one night that he looks forward to talking to me all day, then when we speak in the evening, I have nothing to say. The sentiment is sweet, but I'm not your entertainment.

Sorry if this comes across like rambling or complaining. I love Teddy and I enjoy spending time with him, we never argue in person, but the phone time is very taxing on our relationship. He lives about an hour and a half away, so we typically only get to see each other once or twice a week. I like that he shows genuine concern for me and my day but once it becomes a constant flow of questions, I tune out.

Suggestions? Opinions??

Balancing Act

I mentioned in a previous post that I have made a really great buddy, BeBe. When Teddy and I were trying having our issues, she was there with advice but mainly, acclimating me to the city.

While we were hanging out, I saw more of the city than I had since I've been here. I barely have to use the GPS since she's shown me so many back streets. Living in the same neighborhood means that we do a lot of last minute plans and I have no problem with that because while I appreciate time at home, I also like to get out and enjoy life.

When I was younger and in a relationship, while I had the same best friends since elementary school, I saw them still, but totally immersed myself into my relationship with whatever boyfriend I was with. I had one boyfriend that would go to "Girl's Night Out" events, just to monopolize my time.

After getting a bit older and realizing how rude it was to tote boyfriends to every social event I attended, I found a happy medium for friendships vs. relationships.
I've only had one relationship to date, where I felt that the person I was in a relationship with had an equal playing field with their time for me and their friends.

This brings me to Teddy....He doesn't really have any friends. The friends he does have, he never sees and only talks on the phone with them every few months. He had a best friend but they fell out a few years back and he has recently tried to reach out to him, but the friend doesn't really seem to be interested. Teddy's repsonse is that's why he doesn't have friends, because you can't trust people.

I'm not naive and I've shared with you all the story about how my best friend slept with my boyfriend years ago, so I too, have been burned. Despite the fact that I've been betrayed, I am not closed off to making new friends. While I realize that everyone won't be your BFF, there's nothing wrong with having people to hang out with on occasion.

BeBe and I still hang out and Teddy seems to not like it all that much. He won't come out and say it but I've asked him and he said "go out and have a good time." While he is far from controlling, I think that he's jealous that I have someone to hang out with that's my age, whereas before I was really just hanging out with the older ladies from work.

I never ditch him to hang out with her but there are times that I go out at night with her and that cuts into Teddy and my phone time. Sometimes I'll see her several times a week. The other day she had a watch party for "The Game." She invited me and her other friends over and we all brought a dish, they had drinks, desserts and I even brought my Wii. Her friends and I just get along and that's a huge plus for me.

I'm not sure if any of you have ever heard of a movie called, "I love you, Man," but it was about a man who had no friends who was trying to meet guys so he would have friends. I put the movie in for Teddy to watch and he was so uncomfortable that I ended up turning the movie off. While I don't want him to blow me off to hang out with his buddies, I think it'd be healthy that he had some friends to hang out with.

I guess the fact that he doesn't have friends wouldn't be so bad if he didn't seem slighted whenever I hung out. Like I said, he says that he is happy that I've made friends because he knows that I'm social, but that he's more of a homebody and would rather stay in.

Have any of you ever encountered anything like this?

Babble

Today was a super long day. I did not leave work until 8:00pm and I had to stop and pick up a few items from the store. I went in the store for two items and left with two items, I was pleased with myself. One of my friends has challenged me to a $50 per pay period spending max, this applies only to shopping, not groceries, toiletries or anything of that nature.

The weather has been pretty chilly down here this week. My apartment put down table salt as a means of preventing the formation of ice, all I could do was laugh! For some reason, because I'm from the north, people think that cold is "my weather." I'm black, most of us don't like cold, no matter where we're from, northerners don't like cold either, we're used to it, but don't like it.

I've been making more meals at home lately, which is always a plus. Oh and my office got notice that we were being relocated to a different office space. I'm in a cube now but they are moving me to an office with the hater that I always tell you guys about. I am less than happy about this move, but as people seem to keep wanting to remind me, (like I don't already know) I'm blessed to have a job. She told me today that we need to come up with some rules about smells and noise. I think for some reason, she thought she was talking to a toddler, because how many adults need to talk about those things? She said smells have to do with approved sprays that don't disgust her and of course the noise was keeping my volume to a minimum. Ironically, she is louder than I am and always has people in her office and always screaming at her kids and husband on the phone.

I am desperately pleading that one of the jobs I've applied for come through so that I can get away from these clowns.

So Far

I posted over on GP's blog that I've stuck to my weight loss efforts by not drinking pop or soda, depending on which term you use. The funny thing is it is only the 6th day into the year but I'm already beginning to feel a little better. I wonder if it's all in my head?

So far though, I have been eating healthy and keeping a food journal. I miss the days of being young and being able to eat whatever I want without consequence.

I have also started job hunting, as of last night. I am constantly reminded at work that people are getting laid off and that I should be blessed to have a job. While I recognize that times are hard, I don't feel that the economic crisis should keep me stuck in a job where they overwork me and underpay me, so I am back on the hunt. I had stopped for a while when I stopped having issues at work but I have big goals this year and they require me to bring home a higher salary.

I am trying to talk myself into going to the gym as I type this. I know that I need to and will go after I finish this post.