Weekend & Realizations

I am sitting at work exhausted. My flight was delayed last night due to rain and storms. I got in early this morning and when my alarm clock went off, I thought it was a cruel joke.

So the weekend with Toot was good for the most part. I’m not sure what it was, but it’s like the thrill has worn off for me. I found myself wanting to talk to Teddy more and more. All I could think of was that I wasn’t going to let Toot jeopardize the possibility of a future with someone else. It was actually quite funny, he was encouraging me to call Teddy while we were together but I wouldn’t humor him.

Meeting the family went just as I pictured it. They were just as he described them and I really enjoyed talking to his mother. There were a couple of awkward moments, including one where his mom made a statement saying that from all he had told her about me, she was surprised that he and I weren’t together. All I could do was sit there; I didn’t want to even comment on that.

Another moment came when he asked me to take off the ring he bought me and handed it to his mother. She was like, “oh when did you get this?” That is when I explained to her that he got me that back in May.

Toot and I talked about my move and a couple of other things but it just wasn’t really the same. I am actually quite relieved about all of this. When it was about time for me to leave, I told him that every time I see him, I think it will be the last time.

I really feel like Teddy has great potential and he’s at the same place I am I my life, unlike Toot. He and I have so many commonalities it makes me pause at times. I am trying to really be the person I was before I got my heart stomped on but sometimes it’s so hard. I know that I have to get over the past in order to have a successful future. The craziest part is that he has had his heart broken too so he also has his defenses up a bit. All I think is that can’t be good for us both to have them so I am making a conscious effort to slowly break away my fifteen foot wall.

Rambling

Good Morning All!

My morning has started off good and I anticipate it staying upbeat. I even had time to get M.ega Millions tickets this morning. My sister dropped me off early so that gave me time to complete a personality assessment for this position I applied for at a hospital.

I am all packed and ready to go and will be heading for the airport straight from work. I talked to Toot for a bit last night and Aunt Flo had me acting a bit mean to him but oh well, he'll live.

For some reason it seems that he's dead-set on me meeting his family. He asked if it would be alright if we all went to lunch Sunday. I said that it was fine but the more I think about it...I don't know, whatever.

Reality is setting in that next week will be September, putting me one month away from the BIG MOVE. I was talking about it with this new interest in my life last night. Well we've actually been talking about a month in a half but I haven't mentioned him to anyone but Toot. Why is it we sometimes think we'll jinx something if we mention it?

I think I moreso haven't mentioned it to anyone because they'll just say that this is just like when I met Toot and discount the entire situation. Teddy, just really appears to be a stand-up man. We share alot of the same values and we share common future goals. Talking about plans and constant laughter is apart of our daily routine.

Oh I got another call yesterday right before I left for a position that I applied for a couple weeks back. The lady wanted to know if I had time for a brief phone interview and I responded "definitely." Our conversation went well and she told me that I'd definitely be hearing from them. I hung up feeling positive and knowing that when it is all said and done, that things will work in my favor.

I really need to step up my saving game. I was thinking of living off cereal until I get to my savings, lol! We'll see how that goes.

Just Stuff

So my neck is still in pain but a lot better than yesterday. I put on two types of icy/hot patches last night. I actually wore two thin patches to work today.

I had a telephone interview today. It's not quite the location I wanted its right on the Mex border. I think the interview went pretty good though. There were three people interviewing me and the main interviewer had a very heavy accent. He notified that they'd contact all candidates either way. I actually feel that all places should do this, evevn if by email, if a potential candidate took out the time to interview the least you can do is inform them the position has been filled.

Last night after work a long-time friend of mine did some work to my car. He gave me a pretty reasonable rate but of course I need more things done, including struts. Cars cost so much to maintain. When I meet my Mr. Right, that will be his job as I hate dealing with all things car related.

I didn't have lunch today so I am anticipating getting off so that I can have dinner. I have to go to the nail shop first and I just hope my stomach isn't growling too loudly. I have yet to tell my roomie-brother that I am heading out of town for the weekend, I will have to be sure to tell him tonight. Luckily, my sister will babysit for me so that is taken care of along with my ride to the airport, which is my sis too. She lives about five mins away so I am going to leave my car at her house while I'm gone.

Crook

No not a thief, the pain you get in your neck. That's what I'm experiencing right now. I am so miserable. I'm not sure if this is a result of bad sleeping or if I tore something.

To add to my rough starting morning, my neighbor's dog was in my yard yet again this morning. It's a bulldog and he tried to intimidate me with his stares and extra tight lips. The worse part is my little baby was back there. She weighs all of 10lbs and isn't spayed, I would be livid if he impregnated her.

I have tried knocking on their door, that happens to be wide open, including the screen almost all day and no one will answer. So after him coming back there 3x I left them a note. Apparently, they don't give a spit about my note.

I was thinking I'd teach them a lesson and lock the dog in my garage. I know that's mean but the only other option I can come up with is Animal Control.

What do you think?

Driving in to work was definitely a challenge trying to switch lanes, so I stayed in the slowest lane as long as I could. I just want to be pain free. My fingers and arm is tingling too and moving my next brings this sharp pain in my back.

Why Today?

Today, I got three calls to come in for interviews....sounds good right? Well that would be great news if I could hop on the Magic S.chool Bus and have it get me to Texas. All three companies wanted me to come in this week. Not only are the last minute flights priced ridiculously high but I am not allowed to take off work for three weeks because it is our busy season. If I call in sick, I will most definitely get written up and I would have to produce a doctor's note.

I started off today really happy and hopeful. I am trying to look on the bright side that at least there are companies interested in me, but at the same time, I'm still pretty mad that I can't take any of the interviews.

Part of me wants to just give my two weeks notice now and then reality sets in. With a very small savings and no job lined up, only a fool would quit there job in hopes of getting an interview.

It doesn't help that Aunt Flo is trying to visit me and I'm heading out of town this weekend. I just need to regroup.

Get A Life

So I’m sitting at work dog tired and fantasizing about a nap. It’s almost noon and in walks my supervisor. She’s been on “vacation” this week but has still been calling me asking me to do work related favors.

Who on earth would come in on a Thursday when they have been off since the prior week?? She really needs to get a life. She loves the attention and it’s so irritating.

There is someone else at work that I would like to get a life. That person is the custodian for my department. He cries and whines like a baby when we throw toner in the garbage. Allegedly, the toner is detrimental to the health of the human body…so why do you want me to throw it away Mr. Custodian?

He has been causing ruckus on my entire floor about these damn toner cartridges. So being the Office Manager, people have decided that they’ll give ME the cartridges since he always complains to them when they place them in the trash. So a coworker has her staff person give me a used cartridge. Irritated and sleep-deprived I asked my coworker if she wanted me to take the toner home with me.

People are just so lazy and will do as little as possible and many people here get away with that. I on the other hand am bombarded with stuff to do everyday and if I don’t drop everything and wipe their noses and say coddle them, they have a fit.

I have one more person to add to the get a life list. This homeless pan approached me while I filled up for gas before heading to work asking me if I’d like him to pump it and I responded, “no.” After thinking over my response he informed me that he’d like a honey bun and some milk. My eyes almost popped out of my head. I work everyday and I haven’t had breakfast, what do I look like taking requests from someone who begs all day.

I ended up telling him to back up because he was too close. In the meantime, the gas station attendant got on the speaker telling the man to leave the premises. The pump I was at didn’t work so I asked her if the pump was broke and she said “no, I just don’t want him at this gas station.” “Lady, I don’t want him here either”, I thought to myself. Homeless guy decides to go in and have a shouting match with the attendant. I got in the car and left without gas. Too much idiocy for one morning!!

They Always Come Back

That's a phrase that my sister and I use in terms of men. They never seem to fully move on with their lives, at some point they always throw out a line to see if we'll bite. This has been an ongoing thing with me since I was a teenager. JT still calls to check up on me from time to time and we always wish each other a happy birthday and its been 12 years.

Its something about not letting people go from my life. Now I don't talk to Scott anymore but a couple other exes do still call to see how I'm doing from time to time. I have a point to all this, don't worry.

Toot and I have been back talking. Surprised? Probably not. I told you guys that I saw him last month and we've been talking still. I really tried to not deal with him but there is some kind of energy between us that makes his presence always wanted. I'm not crazy, I know that the situation we have is still very much present but its like, I really don't care at this point.

It's reckless, I know. My emotions are under control for the most part, even though at times, knowing that there's a possibility that we'll never get together sometimes would make me sad.

We are both very open about whats going on in our lives, so I told him about a guy that I've been talking to. He was jealous, it was a bit cute. The last guy that I met, he didn't seem to care about at all but that's probably because he knew I wasn't feeling the guy like that.

I can't be a hypocrite and blast on him for being a little mad that I met someone. I say that because I'm guilty of being that way in the past myself. I think a lot of us have been guilty of not being with someone but not wanting them to be with anyone else.

So jokingly yesterday he asked me if the new guy and I were married yet. I laughed and dismissed his silly question. He has been making even more of an effort to talk now and has done a couple of grand gestures. I asked him what has brought all this on and he said "this new guy you're talking to, I can't let him take you away from me."

The truth is though that the new guy I met, there is something special about him. We always find ourselves laughing and just enjoying each other. He seems to have all that I'm looking for in a potential partner and he has expressed the same interest in me. I know that I really like him because when he and I are on the phone and Toot calls, he gets first priority and I tell Toot that I'll call him when I'm done or if it's late, I don't click over at all, I just call him after I'm off.

There was a time when I'd get off the phone with my own mother to talk to him but things seem to be evolving. Now here is where I contradict myself...despite the fact that I have another interest, I let him talk me into taking a trip together next week. Right, crazy. I haven't told anyone about this and possibly its because I know that I'm wrong and really don't care to be lectured.

I did tell him that I still intend on talking to the new guy at night so he better deal with it. I know that at some point, I will have to stop him from trying to be apart of my life, but for now, that time hasn't come.

BFF Betrayal (Conclusion)

He already knew something was up when he came outside because I was enraged. His story was that she was making all of that up and it never happened. See, LSE had been diagnosed with Schizophrenia the year that all this happened, she was institutionalized for a good two months. He was so manipulative that he tried to use her illness as a means of getting out what he had actually done. I still didn’t think that this was an acceptable excuse for her to get out of it. I felt that she wasn’t all that crazy because she hid what she was doing and kept it a secret for four years. I guess after so much time had passed, he felt that he’d be able to take his secret to the grave.

I was in his face in the street yelling and screaming and he told my friend to get me and take me home. I had my finger in his face, pushing and poking him, asking him if she didn’t take me home, what exactly was he going to do to me?!

In retrospect, it was too much of a show to give the neighbors and too much satisfaction to give him, seeing that I was so upset. He even tried to say that the only reason LSE had come forth with these details was because she knew he and I had been talking about getting back together.

Sometimes I wish that I’d never known about the betrayal and pain she caused me. I was a mess during finals. I couldn’t sleep, eat and all I could do was cry. I felt like one of my best friends had literally died.

The worse part about the whole ordeal is that I still have to see her on occasions because my other three BFFs are still friends with her. They support the mental illness claim and are still very much apart of each other’s lives. I, on the other hand only deal with her when I had to. For a split moment last night, while sitting next to her at dinner, I had a flashback to the incident but with the help of a Raspberry Margarita, I quickly shook those thoughts.

As for Scott, unfortunately I ran into him three years ago. He actually had gotten married and his wife was there. She told me how she had heard so much about me and was pleased to meet me. I sat there wondering what the hell she had I actually heard. I felt bad for her because they only dated a year and she had no idea what she had gotten herself into. I was looking extra good that day, I had just left a wedding, but too bad I couldn’t say the same for him. Luckily for him, the wedding reception had an open bar or I think we would have had round two at D&B. He had put some kind of curl kit in his hair and picked up a good fifty pounds. He literally ran up to me and picked me up. I was cordial and spoke to him for a few minutes.

Scott couldn’t get over how nice I was and how great I looked. I told him that he acted like I was a mean, ugly monster when we were together, to which he said well……At that point, I snapped on him telling him he have me more than enough reason to behave the way I acted with him. He froze and said you’re right. To add creepiness to the mix, he asked me if I still stayed at my parents because every time that he rode by, he never saw my car. Um…why are you looking for my car? Finally, I had had enough socializing with him and we parted ways.

Oddly enough, about six months later, my sister was on an online personals page and ran across his profile stating he was on there “looking for love.” Knowing him, his wife had no clue what he was up to. Ladies, please take the time to get to know these men before you say “I DO.”

BFF Betrayal (Part 2)

I would later come to find out that he didn’t have his degree by some fluke. Apparently, he took classes while he was in the military oversees and in a classroom where he was stationed. Somewhere along the lines, his ship courses never got sent to the campus so he had all these gaps and missing prereqs for certain courses. I had never heard of anyone else who had this kind of situation. To make matters worse he admittedly told me that his mother did have another child but she had given her up for adoption.

The month I was to graduate, to be more precise, the week of finals, my BFF, LSE ( Low Self-Esteem) decided to come clean with me that she and Scott had sex four years earlier while he and I were together and that he took her virginity. Again, I had another moment where I just lost it. She actually called me over to her house and had a friend there (in case I jumped on her and wouldn't get off I'm assuming.) You didn't need back up when you were doing your dirt, but now you need it to come clean?

I didn’t know who I was more mad at, her my friend of over 10 years or him. I was then and to this day am one of those women who takes it up with my man for cheating, not trying to find the other woman and release my frustration on her. But seeing as though she was my best friend, they both felt my wrath.

I told her how she acted so holier than thou to all of us telling, saying that fornicating was wrong and how we were sinners. She was also lecturing another of the BFFs about how she shouldn’t be the other woman. When all her dirt came out, she claims that’s why she felt she could give advice because she was the other woman. I told her she was nothing but some @ss. He never did anything with nor for her. He took advantage of a gullible, no confidence having hoe. There was more but I won’t go into all the specifics.

As far as him, I tried calling that night but it was late and he had already went to bed. So the next morning I told him I wanted to come over, he had just moved in with his aunt. My family tried talking me out of confronting him and even blocked me in the driveway so that I didn’t make matters worse. I drove across the grass and took my girl with me and on came the confrontation.....

BFF Betrayal (Part 1)

Last night I went to dinner with my BFFs since elementary school. We were known as the Fab 5, totally inseparable. But as it happense most times, there was a wrench thrown into the great wheel of friendship. Unfortunately, I was the vicitim of betrayal by one of my besties.

After dealing with the hell that JT put me through, the man I met after him, Scott, was like a warm spring day. He was so doting, affectionate and giving. He persued me and eventually won my heart. Scott was all the things that JT wasn't. He had a degree, no kids and had been in the military. He was an only child that rarely saw his family so the fact that my family was so big worked well because he enjoyed hanging out with us.

Slowly, but surely, things began to fall apart right before me. I had a pregnancy scare and as we discussed the possibilities of "if we were parents," he decided at that time to reply, "What do you mean IF, I have two kids."

I don't really remember much else of what happened after that, I truly think I had an out of body experience. We were at I.HOP and I was in there acting a complete fool. Everyone was looking at us, but like I said, I wasn't me, so I couldn't help myself.

Eventually he got me in the car and tried to calm me down but there was nothing that he could say at that point. He dropped me off at home and let me cool down, but that didn't work. I went home crying to my mother that I thought I was pregnant and how he was such a liar.

In true form, her way of consoling me was informing me that if I was, I would have to move out of her and my dad's house. I was devastated. I was pouring my heart out to her and all she could say was how in the midst of all that was going wrong, that I could add homelessness to the list. I was 19 and a sophomore in college, I was working but it wasn’t enough to really set out on my own.

It was at that point, that I decided that I knew for certain that I couldn’t share everything with my mom like a lot of my friends. I had always hoped that we could have an honest, open relationship but her reaction confirmed that certain things parents shouldn’t know...

Anyway, stupidly, I took him back after a while. I would later come to find out.....

Let's Get Ready to Rumble

Just when I thought that I would finally have some peace in the house, here comes more headaches. So my little brother has decided to stay in the States and work. His wife has been IM-ing & calling me to vent. There is only so much I want to say since I am really trying not to get back caught up in their ridiculous fights.

It's so sad because yesterday she made a comment about no matter how much they fight verbally and physically, they both know neither of them are going anywhere. I just sat there with my face semi-twisted.

Ok back to the reason for this post. I'm not sure if you all will believe me but in some ways my brother is actually worse than my sister. I thought I'd finally be able to live in a clean house and here he comes, The Tasmanian Devil. I swear, you'd think he was a stripper the way he has clothes all over the house. He'll have shorts in the livingroom, underwear in the bathroom, a t-shirt in the office, its like WHAT THE HELL!

I was trying to just be cool until he left which was scheduled for this coming Sunday. But since I heard from my mother today that he is supposed to be staying, I HAVE to say something to him before I attack him.

Last night and another night a week or so ago, he left the doors unlocked. While I don't live in the worse neighborhood, I don't live in the best either. I live off of a major street and there is an alley at the corner. I thought that I'd be a bit more comfortable having a male presence in the house but I was safer with just me because I made sure the doors were locked every night.

I mentioned to him last time how I was upset that the doors were left unlocked and he turned around and did it again last night. I started writing a note before I left out this morning but I decided we need to talk one-on-one.

The day before yesterday I took the trash out and was in a hurry. He was home all day but do you think he put another bag in the trash can? Of course not. I finally had to say something to him about it. He started to say something but decided to let his voice trail off instead. Perhaps he remembered that I give him money from time to time and I have let him use my car on numerous occasions since he's been back.

Well he put the bag in the can..I should be happy, right? Wrong! Why didn't he pick up the trash that he had piling up on the counter? He didn't because he's lazy, that's why. He also hasn't washed a dish since he's been there and he leaves loads full on the counter and in the computer room. He doesn't even has the decency to rinse off the dishes he uses, he lets them set and harden before dropping them off on the counter for me to wash.

I have a hair appointment tonight and when I get home, I am going to lay things out for him. If he doesn't help out, he has to go, flat out. I'm tired of cleaning up behind grown folks. The decision is up to me if he stays or goes and I refuse to clean up behing his lazy a$$ anymore.

The Weekend

My weekend was cool for the most part. I stayed in Friday night while my cousins went to a bar for old school night, I just wasn't feeling it. Saturday morning my neices came over at 7:30am and they stayed til around five. We had a good time being silly with one another. I don't see them as much as I used to and I really missed them.

Saturday night I wasn't much up for partying either, in fact, I only left the house to let my dad's dog outside. My brother works at a restaurant so thanks to him, I had dinner without having to go anywhere.

Sunday I got up and went to 8:00 service at church. I enjoyed the message and was glad that I went. My little brother's car apparently broke Saturday some time and it was in front of the house. Sunday when I was headed out the door I noticed its now in the driveway so I wake him up asking him to move it. It was at this time that he informs me that its broken. My thing is, it was broken when it was on the street, why not leave it there or if you're going to attempt to put it in the backyard, get it all the way back there. The car being stalled where it is requires me to drive partially on my neighbor's grass. It has me very irritated that I have to do this. At some point today while I'm here at work, I am going to tell his tail to have that car out of the driveway by the time I get home.

After church I ran a couple errands and went home to clip some coupons. Hey, I'm trying to move, I need all the savings I can get. One of my errands included picking up a mini cake for my mom. There was no special reason behind the cake, other than its her favorite and just a little love token.

I was supposed to see my friend's baby and spend time with her but at around 6ish she texted asking if we could reschedule, which was fine by me. During the course of the day my sister had harassed me about going to the movies. We had just went two weeks ago and I wanted to spend the night in but she tried guilting me into it because she doesn't have any friends, so I decided to go ahead and go.

The theater that she wanted to sells liquor and this was her main focus for wanting to go there. She was surprised when I informed her I didn't want a Daiquirita with her. She offered to buy it for me but the money wasn't the issue. I have been trying to watch what I eat and there are so many cals in those frozen drinks, it makes no sense.

We saw the H.angover. It was funny and the liquor intensified my sister's sense of humor. I had to tell her to quiet down a couple of times. Then this teeny-bopper movie usher came over and asked her to put her phone away. Well she started cussing and fussing about how she's an adult and how she'll cuss him out and he won't do anything about it. I covered my face slightly and resumed watching the movie.

I gave her the cake to give to my mom since they now live in the same apt complex. After that I went home and attempted to watch B.ridezillas but to no avail, about fifteen minutes into the show, my DVR started going haywire. I laid down and got a phone call from this new guy I've been talking to a lot. I will have to give details on him later.

Hope you all had a nice weekend.