Just When You Thought....

This morning, I woke up to a text that was sent at 1:33am. I didn't recognize the area code but the message was definitely intended for me. It was from the chick and it basically said that I did in fact know that the Nbr was married and how I will never get a man as long as I mess with men who are married.

I woke up angry as hell. I was infuriated. I tried calling the number and of course she didn't answer. It pisses me off that she has my number and that I don't have hers because of course her crazy ass bought another untraceable cell phone. After that I didn't bother replying my text, I simply blocked the number from being able to call me.

It has been like four months since Nbr and I lived together and to my knowledge he has been with her ever since. Why does this heiffa keep calling me?! I will tell you why because she is a sociopath. I seriously feel sorry for his children being raised by someone who is mentally unstable.

What pisses me off most about this other than the fact that I don't see why she won't get over it is that she has the nerve to have a beef with me. IF and that's a BIG IF the Nbr happened to be married, she knows that he lived with me. Also, this may seem shady to say as a woman, but even if I was messing with a married man, I am not obligated to her, HE is, so if you have beef, take it up with the man you're MARRIED to, not me, bitch.

The Date

Well the guy that I met at the mixer asked me to go out Friday evening, we'll call him PK. We met up at a mutual venue and walked around and chose a restaurant in the area. We chose this really nice sushi bar and talked for hours. He asked me questions about my life and vice versa.

PK and I hadn't realized how long we were talking until the waitress came and told her that her shift was over but that another waiter could cash us out. He and I looked at it as our queue to leave. After leaving there we walked around taking in the scenery, it was a perfect evening. As we walked the street looking at a mini waterfall, he grabbed my hands and interlocked our fingers. I am not your typical PDA person, so that made me feel a tad bit uncomfortable. Nonetheless, I kept my hand in PK's as we strolled along.

The night ended with PK walking me to my car and kissing me goodbye. Again, I was caught off guard by him kissing me, not because I didn't enjoy his company, but kissing on the first date....I don't know, maybe I'm old-fashioned......I commented that it was a bit strange because it was strange having him kiss me in a parking lot as cars continued to drive past. He asked me to call him when I made it home and I did. We've texted since then but today, I did not hear from him at all. He did let me know that he was going to Mexico for a family vacation, so should I not expect to hear from him?

Idk....we shall see.....

Mixer

Last night, the online website that I joined hosted a mixer. I wanted to go to the event but the site said that it was already full. I logged on to the site the other day and they invited me to the event, I thought hey, why not??!

Well I literally had to have my new hanging buddy ML, call me and give me a pep talk before I would go in. The event allowed you to bring friends but BeBe put up a fuss about how nappy her hair was and that was her reason behind not going. At that moment, I realized that I need to meet more women.

Anyway, after dragging myself into the event, I walked in and straight to the bar for a glass of wine. After securing a drink, I met a girl whose BFF forced her into going as well. She also shared that all of her friends were getting married. I almost shared with the girl that all of my BFFs were married but decided not to. The fact that all of my closest friends are married doesn't bother me too much, I don't want to be stuck with someone that I don't like.

Well the mixer reminded me of a middle school dance, there were guys in clusters and girls huddled together talking. I told the girl I had been talking to that we may as ell make the most of this and we began talking to different people together. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but whenever there is a singles meet up, African-Americans are in the minority. Well of maybe 10 black guys, all but one were interested in everyone but a black woman. The good thing about me is that I do not have any problem talking to people outside of my race.

I did end up meeting a Hispanic guy that had me laughing the latter part of the evening. His phone died as he asked for my number. I took his number instead. He asked if I was going to really call him and I said yeah. After the event ended, he walked me to my car and on the way there asked me my screen name. I told him no need to know that because I promised to call. He and I were giving other singles tips and I told a guy to ask the girl I had been hanging out with for her number and he did. Next, he asked us if he should wait three days to call and I told him that was so 90s. My new buddy agreed with him and told him to call her Wednesday, so I decided that on Wednesday, I will call him as well.

Did any of you used to watch Mad TV? They had a segment called "Lowered Expectations"? That little piece always used to crack me up. The series was of singles that were clearly rejects looking for dates. Well I will venture to say that they could have been filming for Mad TV last night. There was one guy that had he had on a book bag, I would have been convinced that he was a serial killer. I began to wonder, wow, am I a freak of nature too? LOL! I know that's mean, I quit. I met another girl that I exchanged info with as well. All in all, I'm proud of myself for going and talking to complete strangers.

Fizzle Out

So I need to know how long to chat with these guys online before I just stop talking to them. Other than the perv, another guy asked if we could chat away from the computer so I gave him my number yesterday afternoon but no contact from him as of yet.

There is another guy, let's call him Retail, he and I have been emailing back and forth the past couple of days but now we're down to one liners after getting through the initial Q & A. I feel like the conversation has hit a bit of a lull. My thinking is, maybe I should just not reply to his last one lined sentence. Opinions?

Up next is LS (he mentioned that he is planning to go to law school in the next year or so). He seems alright, but again, how much do you really get to know emailing someone, but then again, I don't want to give all these random people my number because as I mentioned, I know enough crazy. He messaged me this afternoon asking how my day went but I have yet to reply. There happened to be an article on MSN today about dating tips, so I plan to apply them to see how they actually pan out.

Lastly for tonight's update is Family Guy. FG seems like the typical southern man. He likes all things sports and outdoors and spends a lot of time with his family. Since I'm huge on family, that is a definite pro for me. To me, he looks older than he actually is but people always say that I look really young for my age.

Since Jameil challenged me to write about the experiences, this is just a brief update. I'm just glad that no one else has tried to come at me sideways. Stay tuned.....

Online Dating

So a girlfriend of mine talked me into activating an online profile. It is funny because about a month ago I was all set to but chickened out. Well imagine my surprise when I logged in Friday and discovered that my profile was indeed active! I had messages that I had no idea were even delivered to me. In fact, I missed an email because I hadn't logged into the account in time.

I must say being in a huge city does not mean that it is easy to meet people. Occasionally I meet people out so I thought okay why not try online. There are some true characters out here. One guy asked me to send him a current pic so I was like okay well that's kind of understandable because people do use old pictures of themselves sometimes. He then proceeds to ask me if I can imagine him kissing me after he sent me a picture of himself. I replied ummm no, especially since I have never even met you. I'm guessing he got the point because I haven't received another text from him. The next thing that I need to do is figure out how to block him so I don't get any calls, texts or emails, I have enough craziness in my life without inviting any more in.

I know without a doubt that there will be more stories to come and I can't think of who better to share them with than my online fam. I hope everyone is having a good weekend!!

Clarity

I did a two day fast this week. Not long for some people but for me, it was just enough. I feel like I have been in a vicious cycle lately, doing the same dumb things and wondering why I keep getting the same stupid results.

I've decided that after my lease is up that I am going to use a roommate locator so that I can pay off some bills and save. The townhouse I went to see a few weeks ago was wonderful and made me really yearn for home ownership. The current state of my financial situation will mean that I will never be able to save up enough for a down payment so I need to take the necessary steps. I am also going to start looking for a new job. My prayer is that any increase that I get will also go towards bills and savings. I was reading up on Vision Boards and I want to make one for myself, there are so many things I want, so I need to put them down and bring them into fruition.

The guy I had been dating kind of ticked me off. I asked him to do me a favor and he said he would but then went into asking me a ton of questions. It was Sunday when I asked him to do said favor and he has yet to mention it. When he wants or needs something, he never has to mention it more than once to me. I feel some kind of way about having to ask people who I am always there for to do something for me several times. I feel like if it was something he wanted, then he would have been more diligent about following up. I have made up my mind that if he doesn't mention it by Monday then I am done with him. It may seem petty but I am tired of wasting my time with people who don't treat me as I treat them. I was already thinking of cutting him off because we hadn't spoken in a week and he came contacting me. I had packed up a few things that he left at my place and put them in my front closet. He asked about his items when he came over. I went to the front to get them and he made a comment that I put his stuff by the door like I had done with Nbr's things. You're damned right, I don't have time for the bull.

I am ready to really start taking care of me because if I don't nobody else will. When I am cleared to start back working out by the doctor, I will. I am ready to get my life back on track.

School's Out

I am officially done with classes! I put blood, sweat and tears in this program and I am so glad it is over. As always, my group members were burning the midnight oil, waiting up until the final hour to submit our assignment. I actually sighed relief after the work was submitted.

I mentioned to a particular guy that I would be celebrating the end of this exhausting program this weekend and he said that he wanted to take me out. Friday night, we went out for Sushi and also played pool later on in the evening. It definitely felt nice to be treated extra special on an evening that was so important to me.

Last night some of my classmates met up for Happy Hour. I really enjoyed my time and got to see a guy I hadn't seen since my trip to China. We had a good time and you would never know it had been a year since we've seen each other. He took me to breakfast this morning but will be leaving town in the morning. If we lived in the same state, I could totally see us together...I haven't had a weekend go this well in months!

I don't think all of this will feel real until I receive my degree in the mail. There are so many things that I have been slacking on due to school, well I no longer have that excuse and I'm ready. First things first, I need to start looking for a new place ASAP!!

Thank God I made it and I will be impatiently tapping my foot until that degree arrives!!

Continuous Downpour

I get a text Saturday that my Grandmother is in the hospital for dehydration and depression. I don't think she has been taking care of herself and eating since my Grandfather passed. Instantly I felt bad to hear this news. Truthfully, I've just been praying for a week of peace. My life has been in turmoil since May and I would love to have a week without tears.

School will be over soon and I cannot wait. One of my professors is so unprofessional. We had a scheduled meeting and he pulled a no-call, no-show and did not even apologize. Then the other class I'm taking, our group had the exact same answers as another group, we compared, he graded us significantly lower, like gave them an A and us a C. We emailed him about it, he re-checked and said he stands firm...but there is still the matter of us having the same answers as the group with the A. I don't know how to approach him again without throwing the other group under the bus.

Yesterday my mom texts that one of my brother's wives was in a very bad car accident and her car was totaled. I said to myself, I guess that stress-free week won't start this week. Thankfully, she is okay. We don't get along per se, but I do not wish bad on anyone.

I went to church Sunday for the first time in a couple of months. It felt good to be in the house of the Lord. I truly feel like my life is different when I'm away from church for an extended period of time. I got a call from the dealership and my car MAY be ready this week.

Peace be still........

The Saga Continues...

So all was well for about a week until today when I get a text from Nbr that said "Stop Emailing." Say what now?! Why didn't I just ignore him? I didn't want it to seem like I was guilty. In retrospect, I wish that I had not paid any attention to him.

Apparently, his woman is at it again, this time emailing him from a fictitious email that is supposedly mine. He is such an idiot to even believe that I would do this. Those two fools deserve each other. I called the non-emergency police number and they said that officers would have to come out and take my report in person. I made the call while I was at work and there was no way that I wanted that drama at my job.

After a few heated texts back and forth, he says that he and her will both change their phone numbers and email addresses and that way he will know for sure it's not me. I told him that I would just give the police his work info if they need to contact him. Then he flips the script asking me why I was angry and mentioning his job? Uhmmm...because someone threatened me last week and has my personal info and now you're saying they are emailing you as if they are me.

All fingers point to whoever this SHE is that he's with. He told me to move on with my life and he would do the same. I moved on months ago asshole, tell your bitch to get a life, stop being insecure and grow up.

Needless to say I had a breakdown outside at work. There are so many other things going on in my life that I've been keeping bundled in and this isn't helping. Thankfully no one was around and I pulled myself together before I went back into the office. I wish that I had cut him out of my life months ago.

Those of you that pray, mention me tonight. I haven't been sleeping well and feel like one more little thing will set me off.

How Old Am I?

The other morning at around 3am I get a text asking how I am, what I'm doing and if I'm busy with my new man. It was from a Minnesota phone number and I know no one near there. I text back asking who it was and it was downhill from there.


Early the next morning, I get a response saying that I knew who it was. They began trying to torment me saying that I was sleeping with their husband, then changed it to fiance' and later referenced said guy as their boyfriend. The person knew my address, where I worked and threatened to come over and show me how upset they were. They called me all kind of names but trust me I got back with them on every comment. I was baffled that one, someone was playing on my phone and two, who on earth was this person talking about?!


I originally assumed it was someone that I recently began talking to and I called him out on it. Needless to say that the guy did not take the accusation well and blamed the Nbr. I thought to myself, yeah right, seems like he's deflecting.


You can only imagine how surprised I was hours later to get a text from Nbr asking me if I was playing on his phone. Then goes on to say SHE said I was playing on her phone too! Hold up, SHE who?! I didn't even know that he was seeing anyone. I couldn't believe this was happening. The guy was right, this all had to do with Nbr. He sends me texts that were supposed to have come from me. The person knew very personal details about our relationship. I've surmised that it was either Nbr doing this or the person he is now with trying to make sure that he and I are totally through with each other.


I am so glad to be done with him. This year keeps adding on more and more drama for me. I cannot wait until good things begin to happen in my life because I am so over this foolishness. Nbr later apologized and said he was going to file a police report? Uhh...it's the person you're with if it's not you, so why file a report? Just stupidity at it's finest. I need peace.

I'm Hit

Literally and figuratively, I've been hit. My cousin came into town over the weekend. The trip was going pretty well until this drunk driver hit the hell out of us. After I gave him a verbal lashing and got myself together, I was able to look at the damages. He completely crushed the back of my car with his pickup truck. What is even worse is that he tried to get away but thankfully, the street he turned on was a dead end and his truck was making a ton of noise.

I was able to flag down some police that were already working at the scene of a fatality on the freeway. My neck hurt instantly and I was eaten by mosquitoes in my club gear, which consisted of a mini dress and 3 inch heels.

The officers that assessed the situation of course deemed it was his fault but I was now without a car. Thankfully, a friend picked us up at around midnight and took us home. The next day I went and rented a car and of course I had to pay out of pocket since the insurance claim office was closed.

There are a lot of other crazy things going on but I am getting a headache just thinking about them. I am blessed that things are not worse than they are. I will be happy once my car situation is handled and I am no longer in pain.

The Visit

My visit home went nothing like I could have planned. Nbr never made the flight because I told him that our living situation wasn't working for me anymore. After making that comment to him, communication between us pretty much came to a halt, although we were still living in the same household.

It was definitely an emotional plane ride as the person who sat in his seat sat there without a care in the world. When I landed at home, I headed to the baggage claim and turned on my phone to see I had missed calls and texts. As I went through them I returned a text from one of my brothers, only to get a response from him telling me my Grandfather had died while I was en route. I was totally blind-sided and looked like a blubbering idiot crying as I waited at baggage claim.


The rest of the trip was pretty much downhill from there. I was able to see my friends but I was just in a funk. I lost my bank card, got pulled over by state troopers and had to pay a fee to extend my reservation to stay in town until after the funeral. My way with dealing with the loss was to drink which was a horrible idea. I went out one evening with my girlfriends and the entire night was a blur.


Nbr never called and checked to see why I wasn't back home the day I was supposed to. When I arrived home, the majority of his things were gone but he had left his puppy, which was covered in feces. Seeing her and the mess he left did nothing but infuriate me. It has now been about three weeks and his things are still here. After attempting to contact him and having no luck, I gave his dog to a family that could provide her with the TLC she needed.


I am glad to be done with that chapter in my life, or I will be once he comes to get his things Friday. I have no desire to speak with him and wish to God that I didn't have to be here when he came to collect his things. This is definitely a time that I have to put on my big girl panties and keep it moving. As my sister so eloquently pointed out, I should have learned from this lesson.

Taking it All In

Well I'm home sick today and said I must blog if it kills me, which for the record, I felt like I was dying from food poisoning last night. So there has been an addition to the odd little "family" that Nbr and I have. She has four legs and I'm pretty sure she is the anti-Christ. She's so cute but bad as all hell dog. She and Baby were the same size, now about six weeks later, she is double her size and will only continue to grow. Nbr doesn't seem to realize what all goes into caring for a puppy. I told him that I feel she needs to go but I guess he is waiting for a breakthrough miracle. She whines all day and all night, pees as soon as you take her out of the crate(which you have to keep her in, she's chewed on four different spots of the walls and the cable and internet cords). Nbr is doing well, we have our moments but what two people don't? He makes me laugh to the point of tears sometimes and that's one of my favorite things about him. Guess what else? His kids and I have been getting along great and I can't tell you how much of a weight that has lifted from my shoulders. To add on to the mix of he and I, we are going "home" to visit my family in a matter of weeks. This will definitely be interesting as he has only met my sister. He kicked up a fuss some weeks back about how he hasn't met my family, my comeback was well they live over a thousand miles a way, and a trip was born. I'm on a small break from school and then I will be embarking on my FINAL semester!! I don't want to say it aloud but I am so happy, it has definitely been a struggle dealing with group mates. I am taking myself on a trip when its all said and done, I'd love to lay on someone's beach, but I owe a certain Mia a visit...... That's it for me now, I hope all is well with each of you. I come back to log in to blogger and everything has changed. I need to get some of your urls so i can type them in at work. I only have two, I refuse to login to blogger there because "The Man" is watching us there. I think I hear Nbr at the door now with my ginger ale. There are definitely perks to this thing! Talk with you soon!

M is for Mad

I’m not quite sure exactly when it happened. Somewhere along the way though, in my twenties, I started biting my tongue. This has caused me to taste blood quite a few times while the other person walks around oblivious. This is something that really bothers me about myself recently. In fact, a recent incident with BeBe caused me to decide that I am tired of trying to be a people-pleaser and avoid conflict. I wouldn’t say I’m a people-pleaser all around, just to the people that I really care about in my life.

In my younger years I would fly off the handle, cussing people out without thinking twice about it. I remember once being in a video store with my sister. There was a man in the store and he said something to her and whatever it was, it sent me into attack mode. I snapped on him quick and drew blood. My sister rushed in to defend the man saying he was joking and that she knew him from church, I felt so ashamed. I hurt so many people that I made a conscious effort to change and hadn’t looked back. The problem is that I let things go too far, where I have let too many things slide, repressing my true emotions, besides only weak people show emotions anyway, right?

Yesterday the NBR made me VERY upset. He knows that I was mad but he doesn’t know the true extent. If I was one of those drama females, I would have truly acted a nut on him, but in true fashion, I downplayed my anger and when his mother came up to me asking how I was, I blamed my tears on a migraine. To make matters worse, our drive home included us happening to exit the freeway on the exit that Teddy lives on, which is an hour away, that I NEVER pass. It was just a bad day all around for me and I wanted to put my fist through his face, although I’m not one for violence, I was just very angry.

He knows that I am still angry with him, he has been going out of his way to be all chipper with me and extra affectionate but I’m not feeling it. He called me on his way home from work like he normally does but I ignored the call, I don’t want to talk to him any more than I have to. Why didn’t I just address all this yesterday? I didn’t want to have to drive an hour and a half uncomfortably maybe or maybe I am still in the same predicament with not dealing with confrontation. Either way, I’m not just mad with him, I’m also angry at myself…