The Marrying Man

Last night I met up with one of my older brothers for dinner. As always, we had a good time, filled with laughter and drinks. We went to his favorite restaurant, J.Alexanders, where all the staff knew him, which was no surprise. One of the reasons he treated me to dinner is because I loaned him money last week to put a deposit down on his wedding suit. Now how weddding was 21 days away at the time and he was just getting to ordering a suit....hm...

I know that part of the reason is because he was in a car accident recently that has him off from work and without income. His fiance was working part-time and going to school but she had to quit school in order to keep up with their bills.

I guess my thing is, if you don't have the money for a wedding, why not get married and just have a gathering afterward? I'll tell you why. The reason is because he's marrying a 40 year old woman with three kids and three baby's daddies and she has never been married. To me, he feels like he owes her a wedding.

So he's been borrowing from us, his family, to try to pull off this wedding. He even drew from his pension to be able to pay us all back and to afford the other wedding details.

He was telling me about a story involving a chick he was messing around with at the same time as his fiance. Apparently the other night, the woman called and left him a voice mail saying how she hoped that she'd be waking up in his arms on this particular morning. His fiance got to the message before he did and all hell broke loose. She confronted him, asking how he had the nerve to be cheating and they are so close to the wedding date. He assured her that he wasn't cheating and even called the woman in front of his fiance saying that he told her not to call him because he's engaged.

In true to male form, after he got frustrated with the fact that she didn't just fall into his arms with his explanations that nothing was going on with the other woman, he flipped it on her. Told her that he wasn't and hasn't been messing with the woman, but that if she doesn't want this anymore, then they can call everything off now, including the wedding.

I guess the idea of the wedding not happening calmed her down because she called me the next day and left me a voice mail that went like this.

"Hey Trish Trish. I was just calling to see if you were gonna stick to your word gal. Ha ha, just playing. Call me when you can."

First off, she and I aren't cool, so her message sounded so fake and scripted. Secondly, when she asked if I was going to stick to my word, she was making reference to the ham that she asked me to buy and bring.

The only reason I am bringing the ham is for my brother's sake. He called me saying that she didn't feel like his family was too involved. I told him that maybe if this wasn't his third wedding, that we'd be a bit more excited. She also asked me to decorate but I told her that I don't have an eye for that stuff, because I really don't.

While he talked about the women he's been with over the years and all they had done for him and what this fiance didn't do, he said something that struck a nerve with me.

I asked him why he was choosing to marry her when he has all these options that he brags on. He said that she was a hard worker. I said hell, so is a Labrador! I then told him my own fears about marriage and the obligation and responsibility behind it and asked him if he was sure he was ready for that yet again.

The Marrying Man went on to explain how he was again ready to be married. So I then said well why do you cheat? He said that he hasn't cheated since CHRISTMAS and how he's doing good. Mind you, CHRISTMAS, he was engaged to her. In fact, he proposed to her on Thanksgiving but he didn't even tell us, she told us sometime in early December at my little brother's wedding reception.

As I sat there thinking about how he admitted to cheating a little over four months ago, I thought back to last month. One Friday night I was exhausted and hopped in bed by ten. I was awakened to a phone call by him saying that he wanted to go out. Clearly, im in bed and sleep so that wasn't going to happen and I told him that. So he said well in case you get a call from anyone, you and me are hanging at Club XYZ tonight. In my half-sleep state I said okay, bye and hung up.

Doesn't that sound like someone who needed an alibi? If you were with your boys or just getting some alone time, why would you have to use me as your cover story?

His wedding is now 15 days away and I am not excited, not even a little. I think he is making a huge mistake and that he just likes being married, but he doesn't know how to be a faithful husband. He cheated on the other two wives and cheating on this fiance...See a pattern? I also think she is a bit crazy. Sometimes I catch her just staring at me. She always makes quiet little remarks that I have to check her about and she calls him a million times a day to keep tabs on him. Why marry someone you don't trust?

I know this isn't my business and ultimately, the choice is up to him but this will be the last wedding that I spend my hard-earned money on for the Marrying Man.