Friday, May 8, 2009

The Marrying Man

Last night I met up with one of my older brothers for dinner. As always, we had a good time, filled with laughter and drinks. We went to his favorite restaurant, J.Alexanders, where all the staff knew him, which was no surprise. One of the reasons he treated me to dinner is because I loaned him money last week to put a deposit down on his wedding suit. Now how weddding was 21 days away at the time and he was just getting to ordering a

I know that part of the reason is because he was in a car accident recently that has him off from work and without income. His fiance was working part-time and going to school but she had to quit school in order to keep up with their bills.

I guess my thing is, if you don't have the money for a wedding, why not get married and just have a gathering afterward? I'll tell you why. The reason is because he's marrying a 40 year old woman with three kids and three baby's daddies and she has never been married. To me, he feels like he owes her a wedding.

So he's been borrowing from us, his family, to try to pull off this wedding. He even drew from his pension to be able to pay us all back and to afford the other wedding details.

He was telling me about a story involving a chick he was messing around with at the same time as his fiance. Apparently the other night, the woman called and left him a voice mail saying how she hoped that she'd be waking up in his arms on this particular morning. His fiance got to the message before he did and all hell broke loose. She confronted him, asking how he had the nerve to be cheating and they are so close to the wedding date. He assured her that he wasn't cheating and even called the woman in front of his fiance saying that he told her not to call him because he's engaged.

In true to male form, after he got frustrated with the fact that she didn't just fall into his arms with his explanations that nothing was going on with the other woman, he flipped it on her. Told her that he wasn't and hasn't been messing with the woman, but that if she doesn't want this anymore, then they can call everything off now, including the wedding.

I guess the idea of the wedding not happening calmed her down because she called me the next day and left me a voice mail that went like this.

"Hey Trish Trish. I was just calling to see if you were gonna stick to your word gal. Ha ha, just playing. Call me when you can."

First off, she and I aren't cool, so her message sounded so fake and scripted. Secondly, when she asked if I was going to stick to my word, she was making reference to the ham that she asked me to buy and bring.

The only reason I am bringing the ham is for my brother's sake. He called me saying that she didn't feel like his family was too involved. I told him that maybe if this wasn't his third wedding, that we'd be a bit more excited. She also asked me to decorate but I told her that I don't have an eye for that stuff, because I really don't.

While he talked about the women he's been with over the years and all they had done for him and what this fiance didn't do, he said something that struck a nerve with me.

I asked him why he was choosing to marry her when he has all these options that he brags on. He said that she was a hard worker. I said hell, so is a Labrador! I then told him my own fears about marriage and the obligation and responsibility behind it and asked him if he was sure he was ready for that yet again.

The Marrying Man went on to explain how he was again ready to be married. So I then said well why do you cheat? He said that he hasn't cheated since CHRISTMAS and how he's doing good. Mind you, CHRISTMAS, he was engaged to her. In fact, he proposed to her on Thanksgiving but he didn't even tell us, she told us sometime in early December at my little brother's wedding reception.

As I sat there thinking about how he admitted to cheating a little over four months ago, I thought back to last month. One Friday night I was exhausted and hopped in bed by ten. I was awakened to a phone call by him saying that he wanted to go out. Clearly, im in bed and sleep so that wasn't going to happen and I told him that. So he said well in case you get a call from anyone, you and me are hanging at Club XYZ tonight. In my half-sleep state I said okay, bye and hung up.

Doesn't that sound like someone who needed an alibi? If you were with your boys or just getting some alone time, why would you have to use me as your cover story?

His wedding is now 15 days away and I am not excited, not even a little. I think he is making a huge mistake and that he just likes being married, but he doesn't know how to be a faithful husband. He cheated on the other two wives and cheating on this fiance...See a pattern? I also think she is a bit crazy. Sometimes I catch her just staring at me. She always makes quiet little remarks that I have to check her about and she calls him a million times a day to keep tabs on him. Why marry someone you don't trust?

I know this isn't my business and ultimately, the choice is up to him but this will be the last wedding that I spend my hard-earned money on for the Marrying Man.


Young woman on a journey said...

wow. that's a lot going on. i don't think he's ready to be married again. but who am i to judge as i've been rethinking the merits of marriage. i don't see the point in marrying someone if you are going to cheat. and i don't see the point if you think the person is going to cheat. theoretically all men could cheat, but its a matter not of if he could or would/ but if he will.

it seems that she really wants a wedding just to validate herself. its hard to be 40 with children and no marraige to speak up. you can't even call yourself divorced. but is it worth getting married in a less than ideal situations. and what if it ends soon, what would have been the point?

there is a lot goign on with people these days. its either commitment phobia or rushing into things. people just need to chill out, find themselves and what they want.

Trish said...

Young woman- See, I agree with you. But I guess since people get married for different reasons, that their reasons don't have to align with mine. The last wedding he had, I wasted money on a dress I never wore again, make-up, shoes and hair and it lasted 6 months.

Miss.Stefanie said...

I'm with young woman on this one. I mean really, it doesnt sound like he really loves her, and like Young, who am I to say. She does want a wedding to validate herself and honestly, she has a HEAVY ass load for one to handle. All these kids and all these baby daddies, so yeah she needs comfort. So sad that there are women out there like her, no offense, but I dont think I could respect the woman and he needs to find out what HE TRULY wants.

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

It's cool to get Married and cheat, just don't get caught lol.

Trish said...

Stef-It's sad that some women feel that they have to settle for whatever they can get. I just hope that this one lasts at least a year.

Boss Mack-I guess we see where my brother's thinking is, considering that comment you left.

Serenity3-0 said...

Oh, this makes me sad. For him, for her, her kids. Damn! I need to just stay single.

Trish said...

Serenity-I get that same feeling and a little too often. The crazy thing is that I have been in the presence of men who feel like its not cheating until the I DO's. Even then, its okay after, as long as they are taking care of their responsibilities. I just pray that the man I decide to make my spouse can stay monogamous.

Anonymous said...

I'm speechless. Can't think of what to say for some reason. Please post about the wedding.

Nina said...

wow...i don't get it either...

maybe (!!) he shouldn't get married if he's going to break vows and he can't afford it.

maybe (!!) she shouldn't get married to validate that a man wants her.