Unexpected

So guess who texted me at 6:36am.....Teddy! It's funny because I mentioned in my last post that I had been praying for him because he had been on my heart.

Well in his text, he was saying he was writing for closure. Then he mentioned a position he was considering taking on the east coast so that he could move on from me and only space will allow that to happen. The texts went on for about a half hour. I'm still uncertain as to where we left things. Part of me says it's been six weeks, just wait six more and maybe I'll be over him, the other part of me says that him reaching out was huge so maybe this all means something.

In other news, camping was so much fun!! We had a great time, although sleeping in a tent was not a high point for me. Let me also say how filthy the bathrooms were, I can't believe women used them, it seemed more like a pack of animals. When I got home, I ran to the shower, it was sweet relief. There were a ton of couples on the camping trip, I admit that I wished that I had come as a part of a couple, but hanging with BeBe was cool as always.

There is nothing else really going on, I have still been on the hunt for a new job so we'll see what happens next.....

Ugh and Ugh!!

I'm sure from the title of this post, you can tell I'm annoyed. Let's start with this...

All,

Due to the recent student concerns regarding the Japan Tsunami disaster and nuclear radiation levels, we are considering moving the MBA International China Trip to August 7-16, 2011. We thought it would be in the best interest and safety of all parties that we push the dates back. Considering these new dates, please let me know your availability to still participate.

Talking about someone who is pissed off. I already took off the days next month from work and what is even worse is that the new proposed dates are not negotiable and that is budget time at work and it's damn near impossible to get a day off, much less more than a week.

Next up is Teddy....I'm almost certain that there will be no union joining the two of us. There are several reasons that bring me to this conclusion, but mainly the fact that he doesn't trust me that has me questioning whether or not I can go through with marrying him. He feels that if I want things to work out with him that I should be willing to do ANY and EVERYthing he says for the sake of our relationship. While there is no doubt in my heart that I love Teddy, in my head I can't rationalize needing to prove myself to him. One of the things that would help him trust me is if I gave up "The Nightlife". I went out two weekends in a row and he has now labeled me a "clubber."

The thing is, the nights I went out, were times we weren't even seeing each other, so it's not like I was taking away from time between the two of us. I just can't fathom giving up hanging out with BeBe and the girls because of Teddy's insecurity.

This is all pretty surreal to me at the moment. While nothing surprises me, I am in awe that I'm dealing with this. UGH!!!

Final Week

I am in the final week of classes. I'm so happy that I can hardly contain myself I have two projects and a post test to complete and I'll be done.

Did I mention I'm supposed to be going to China next month as a part of the MBA Program? I'm excited about the trip but seeing as though I'm at an HBCU, all the details have yet to come together. Shouldn't I know my flight and hotel information about a trip out of the country in a little over a month?

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I'm not sure if it is a good thing or not, I'll keep you all posted.

I visited a new church with BeBe a couple weeks ago. I really enjoyed it so we went back last weekend. It is the exact opposite of the mega church I had been attending. The church owns a suite in an office building complex and it has no foyer. In the midst of service, you can hear the kids in the nursery through the paper thin walls. Despite theses details, I truly enjoy being there...There is a young lady who leads praise and worship that has one of the most beautiful voices I've heard in person. The Pastor shows pure, raw emotion and I like going.

I'm in the process of finding a counselor to work with Teddy and I so that we can work through our issues together. I've decided not to have a big wedding at home anymore. I told my mom yesterday and she was really upset. So there goes one more thing to occupy my thoughts as I try to come up with a way to please both her and Teddy, does it ever end?

Stressed

I know that I should be focusing on wedding planning but I've been super stressed. I blame school, work and Teddy. We're supposed to take our engagement pictures this weekend. The rate at which he's been on my nerves....I can only imagine how the pictures will look.

I'm not one of those people who believes that marriage fixes everything. In fact, I think the opposite. While of course, I want to get married, sometimes the thought of forever, scares the hell out of me. I think that when your mate gets on your nerves, they don't go anywhere, there are just in your space.

Over the last few days, my communication flaw has been brought up again. I have no clue why Teddy thinks just because we're engaged, that now I will be thrilled to answer a shitload of questions. ***Newsflash, I still hate being asked a ton of questions*****Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but he also thinks that I should be forthcoming with everything, the present and the past. The past sucks the worse...I don't see why he feels he needs to know every waking detail of what has happened to me before I even knew him.

I say all this to say that he has me stressed. I'm not sure what to do at this point. On one hand, I think that I should change since I know that I should be willing to answer my spouse's questions and share things with him. On the other hand, I think hell, I've been this way since the beginning, don't expect change now.

Today has been a very hellish day for me, can you tell?

The Haps

As life goes, there is always so much going on, with so little free time. One of my brother's finally came down to visit and we had a great visit. He bought me a new bag, 32-inch tv and a really nice watch. They were all early birthday presents.

Teddy hit it off great with my brother, as I thought he would. They were even both rapping to songs in the car. I smiled as two of my favorite guys got along and shared stories of their pasts.

School has been a lot more demanding lately. I meet with my classmates up to three times a week but the best part is I seem to be doing apparently well in both my Stats and Accounting classes.

Work has been alright for the most part. There are layoffs among us and I know of two people who are getting fired tomorrow but obviously I'm not the one to tell them. I felt so bad because one person was telling me her life woes, including being the only employed one in her family.

My sister has been down twice in a three week span, we even went to New Orleans. It was my first time there and we had a blast. We both definitely plan to go back somtime this year.

I interviewed for an internal position, but I didn't get it. Oddly enough, I wasn't disappointed, the manager of the position actually gave me the creeps, so no love lost there.

Hmmmm...what else....just kidding. I saved the best for last......

TEDDY AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!

We're getting married this fall and I couldn't be more excited and stressed! I have been planning like a maniac. There is one thing that has been getting on my nerves when I tell people my news, their inquiry as to whether or not I'm pregnant. Can't a black woman get married without being pregnant?! Ugh!

Well I'm off to catch up on what's been going on with you all.

Communication Woes

It has been brought to my attention that my communication skills could use some tweaking. I have never claimed to be a communicating guru but I always assumed that my plethora of friends spoke volumes for me. Although in the beginning, it may take me a while to warm up, after that, you can't get me to shut up.

My biggest communication flaw is when it comes to answering questions. I have known this about myself for many years. I don't mind being asked a question, it becomes a problem for me, however, when I begin to feel interrogated.

Teddy has a tendency of asking me a series of questions and after a while, I grow irritated by the "Grand Inquisition." My mother is also a "question maniac". She will call me with a list of things that she wants to ask me. While I can't necessarily control the fact that my Mom does this, I would like to have a relationship where my man isn't bombarding me with questions.

I know this may sound silly to some of you, but it has actually grown into a problem. In the beginning when we first began dating, I guess I didn't mind the questions so much because they are a part of getting to know each other. I had hoped though, that after knowing each other almost two years, that the questions would dwindle, but they haven't.

Let me give you an example of a recent conversation and you be the judge...

Teddy: What have you been up to?
Trish: Just getting out of church.
Teddy: What church did you go to?
Trish: Church on the Hills
Teddy: How did you hear about Church on the Hills?
Trish: BeBe told me about it.
Teddy: Does BeBe go to Church on the Hills?
Trish: *insert annoyed face*

These types of conversations happen all the time. It's like the questions keep coming if I don't get irritated by them. He says they are a way to get a dialogue going, but to me, it feels like I'm on a job interview.

The craziest part about this issue is that if I ask him what he did, it's usually a)watch tv, b)job-hunt. He is currently unemployed and looking for a job and is in school. He has absolutely nothing to talk about and cops a tude when I don't want to "be a contestant on Jeopardy." He even said in frustration to my refusal to answer the questions one night that he looks forward to talking to me all day, then when we speak in the evening, I have nothing to say. The sentiment is sweet, but I'm not your entertainment.

Sorry if this comes across like rambling or complaining. I love Teddy and I enjoy spending time with him, we never argue in person, but the phone time is very taxing on our relationship. He lives about an hour and a half away, so we typically only get to see each other once or twice a week. I like that he shows genuine concern for me and my day but once it becomes a constant flow of questions, I tune out.

Suggestions? Opinions??

Balancing Act

I mentioned in a previous post that I have made a really great buddy, BeBe. When Teddy and I were trying having our issues, she was there with advice but mainly, acclimating me to the city.

While we were hanging out, I saw more of the city than I had since I've been here. I barely have to use the GPS since she's shown me so many back streets. Living in the same neighborhood means that we do a lot of last minute plans and I have no problem with that because while I appreciate time at home, I also like to get out and enjoy life.

When I was younger and in a relationship, while I had the same best friends since elementary school, I saw them still, but totally immersed myself into my relationship with whatever boyfriend I was with. I had one boyfriend that would go to "Girl's Night Out" events, just to monopolize my time.

After getting a bit older and realizing how rude it was to tote boyfriends to every social event I attended, I found a happy medium for friendships vs. relationships.
I've only had one relationship to date, where I felt that the person I was in a relationship with had an equal playing field with their time for me and their friends.

This brings me to Teddy....He doesn't really have any friends. The friends he does have, he never sees and only talks on the phone with them every few months. He had a best friend but they fell out a few years back and he has recently tried to reach out to him, but the friend doesn't really seem to be interested. Teddy's repsonse is that's why he doesn't have friends, because you can't trust people.

I'm not naive and I've shared with you all the story about how my best friend slept with my boyfriend years ago, so I too, have been burned. Despite the fact that I've been betrayed, I am not closed off to making new friends. While I realize that everyone won't be your BFF, there's nothing wrong with having people to hang out with on occasion.

BeBe and I still hang out and Teddy seems to not like it all that much. He won't come out and say it but I've asked him and he said "go out and have a good time." While he is far from controlling, I think that he's jealous that I have someone to hang out with that's my age, whereas before I was really just hanging out with the older ladies from work.

I never ditch him to hang out with her but there are times that I go out at night with her and that cuts into Teddy and my phone time. Sometimes I'll see her several times a week. The other day she had a watch party for "The Game." She invited me and her other friends over and we all brought a dish, they had drinks, desserts and I even brought my Wii. Her friends and I just get along and that's a huge plus for me.

I'm not sure if any of you have ever heard of a movie called, "I love you, Man," but it was about a man who had no friends who was trying to meet guys so he would have friends. I put the movie in for Teddy to watch and he was so uncomfortable that I ended up turning the movie off. While I don't want him to blow me off to hang out with his buddies, I think it'd be healthy that he had some friends to hang out with.

I guess the fact that he doesn't have friends wouldn't be so bad if he didn't seem slighted whenever I hung out. Like I said, he says that he is happy that I've made friends because he knows that I'm social, but that he's more of a homebody and would rather stay in.

Have any of you ever encountered anything like this?

The Haps

Hey Everyone!! I can't believe I've been away so long, I see how Mia can take such long breaks! Thanks to those of you who wondered about how I've been.

Let's get going, I finished my first semester of graduate school. I received an A- in my Finance Class and an A in my Communications course. There is a chick in my group that I'm stuck working with for an entire year, I've been doing a lot of praying, we've gotten into it three times already and the word bitch is on the tip of my tongue.

I finally moved from the projects into the burbs. Let me just tell you, it is like living in an entirely different world, the pic attached is the new place. I've decided I'm going to start posting more pics with my blog, to give you all more of a visual.

Work has been pleasingly quiet lately. I am actually starting back up my job search though before anything else pops up with the coworkers. I haven't brought lunch to work in a while since the incidents with my coworker mistaking my items for hers.

Unfortunately, not bringing my lunch means that I've been eating out a lot, not to mention drinking, see that pic attached too and have gained a good twenty-five pounds since this time last year. I know people are always making resolutions to lose weight in the new year but it is definitely a must for me, I'm busting out of my clothes.

I've made a great friend that I met at work and she and I live in the same neighborhood now. I really missed all my friends since I made the 3K mile move and I'm glad to have found a true friend here. She and I hang out a lot and have tons in common. When Teddy and I had some issues, she was just the true definition of a "girlfriend." Since she has lived here all her life, she has a ton of friends and I've gotten to meet quite a few of them. They remind me of my friends back home and they have invited me to several events that they've each had, it finally started to feel like I lived here and wasn't just visiting.

Things with Teddy are now better than they have ever been. Like a lot of couples, we went through a period where we weren't seeing eye to eye. Thankfully we worked everything out and are now planning for the future. He has really grown a lot since we first started dating and is continuing to grow into the man that I know he can be.

My sister is still planning to move down here to join me, not in my apartment though (thank God!) She graduated with her Masters in Education a couple of weeks ago and is now just waiting for a job. She and I have been on pretty good terms these last few months. We have had our normal disagreements but they usually only last a day or so and we're back to living life as if nothing happened. After deciding that she was tried of yo-yo dieting, she had gastric bypass surgery and is down about 60lbs. I know that outside appearance has nothing to do with how a person feels but she seems to have a bit more confidence lately.

I went home for a quick weekend a few months back, I had gotten a little homesick. My cousin had a bbq at her house and after a few hours and a liquor concotion, appropriately named, "Jungle Juice," things went horribly wrong. There were punches and smacks thrown and the police shut down the party. There is one cousin that none of us are really speaking with because she defended her boyfriend to the cops. We made ammends a couple of months ago, but things still feel weird. I'm hoping to get things back on track with all of us, since no one is really speaking to her.

My trip home for Christmas started off really well. The flight left on time, I met a nice man who chatted about his wife, job and dog. The ride had no turbulence and we even arrived on time. But as always, there has to be some type of drama. On our way back from an evening of hanging out, my sister, cousins and I were in an accident. There was a man waving cars down on the freeway and as we slowed down, we slid on black ice, hit his truck and ended up facing oncoming traffic. At that point, we decided to get out of the car and make it as quickly as we can to the embankment. It was super cold, a whopping 15 degrees and snowing. The good part is none of us was seriously injured, I'll add pics from that night too.

That is really all that's been happening this way. I am getting ready to straighten up a bit and enjoy the rest of my vacation from work. Teddy has plans for us tomorrow night and I'm looking forward to the year ahead. I still cannot believe that this year has gone by so fast. I'm going to be catching up on all your blogs over the next few days.

The final pic is of my baby!! See you in the new year!

*Edited to add- The pics are all out of order but pretty easy to figure out!

You Sit Down All Day

Work has been hell on earth. I am now on day eleven of work. I have never worked eleven straight days in my life. I'm almost used to this zombie-like trance I'm in. I blast my music when I'm in the car to stay alert. I left the other night at 8pm, although I'm supposed to get off at 4:30 and of course my coworker commented on how I was leaving before the group. I want to point out though, that this same coworker comes in at 9:30, so technically, she should stay later than I do anyway.

I was talkin to Teddy yesterday morning and I yawned as he asked me how I was doing. I replied that I was alright, but exhausted. He then went on to ask me why and I went in on him. I decided to reiterate to him that working so many days in a row takes a lot out of you. The next five words that came out of his mouth were like profanity, "you sit down all day." I went off on him, I wanted to say even more than I did but I had to talk myself down. He went on to say that it's not physical like his job. I yelled at him challenging him to tell me that my job wasn't mentally draining, who cares if I sit down in a chair?

I guess he got the point because he backed down from the conversation. I have always been annoyed by folks who comment on those ofo us with desk jobs, like we do nothing. Sometimes I wish I had a job that I didn't have to really use my mind much to get through the day. I hope for Teddy's sake that he never, ever, ever, says anything like that to me again.

One Too Many

Friday I went out with the coworkers to have a delicious Mexican meal. I, however, forgot to tell Office Mom that I was going to be leaving the office later because I was going to follow our other coworker to the restaurant. OM was more than annoyed with me and decided to tell me so as I called her from my car.

I apologized to OM once I made it to the table and all was forgiven and we sealed the misunderstanding with a hug. We made it just in time to enjoy a couple drinks from the happy hour menu.

After a couple of margaritas, coworker, Let's call her Double, because she's two-faced, decided to tell me what kinda thoughts had been running through that huge forehead of hers. Just to recap, this is the same coworker mentioned here, well I tried to link the story but since it isn't working, I wrote about her on 12/17/09. So anyway, she let's me know that after having a little liquid courage she can know that she is tired of helping me with my problem areas.

I went off, asking her WHO THE F*&@ was I supposed to ask?! She had nerve to ask if I just cussed her. Hell yeah, I cussed you Double, I'm tired of your fake ass. I then proceeded to tell her that it is far and few between that I need her but on the off chance that I do, she should be willing to help me. She admitted that I do rely on her a lot less.

The evening went pretty much downhill from there. OM and Double ended up getting into it about something that Double confided in OM about. We left dinner just as a thunderstorm started to roll in. I made it home quickly and Double even called to make sure I made it to the right freeway.

I called Teddy to let him know I had made it home safely. It appeared that my buzz decided to kick in once I laid down in bed.I babbled for what felt like forever until I started dozing off. Teddy told me to get some sleep and he'd see me in the morning.

When we went to breakfast the next morning, Teddy informed me that I was "off the hook" the night before. Sadly, I could not remember all that I said. I kicked myself a couple of times Saturday as he mentioned several things I told him during my drunken stupor. Part of me wanted to know what all I said, but the other part said forget it.

Tidbits

Time has once again managed to fly by without me posting. Quite a bit has happened since my last post.

I received a phone call from my old BFF who I wrote about here. To say that I was surprised to hear from her would be an understatement. We played catch up and she asked if I was still in the same apartment I was two years ago. I informed her that I finally moved to Texas. All she could say was wow, you finally did it. She asked how long and I told her almost eight months now. It seemed to bring her down a bit, knowing that I had been away so long and she had no clue, but then again, I could be reading way more into her reaction.

I met Teddy's mom. She was really sweet; we shook hands after meeting one Sunday at church. Later that afternoon after Teddy and I parted ways and I headed home, I received a phone call from him. He announced that he had news and asked if I wanted to hear it or if I'd rather wait until later. Well of course when someone says they have something to tell you, you want to hear it immediately. He told me his mom said she got a great feeling from me and she can tell that I am the one for him. I sat there silent for a moment, like wow, did she really?

I have seen her several times since then and now we're up to hugging. I made her a cake for Mother's Day that they both loved. Speaking of the cake, I found a store that is a Baker's Dream. I've always enjoyed baking so I am considering taking my past time and potentially turning it into something much more.

Things have been pretty quiet on the drama front for the most part. My little brother's wife, who is in Germany, has found a new boyfriend. She proudly shared her new love interest on FB and even changed her marital status as married to this new guy. My sister decided to check her about claiming a new husband while being married to our brother and informed her that "husband #4 is not a good look". Needless to say, my sister-in-law deleted and blocked my sister and I as well as all of my cousins.

My apartment life sucks at the moment. I have had to call management twice about seeing little bugs. You can call it a fear if you like, or flat out hate, but bugs and I do not get along. I can't wait to move out of this place.

Work is still the same. I was just assigned a new project last week all while still covering for my coworker on FMLA. My Work Mom informed me that another coworker that hangs out with us was talking about me with another colleague of ours. The same coworker had a birthday gathering for her daughter, on the evening that Teddy and I had plans. She actually had the audacity to ask if I was going to pick my man over her daughter's party. YES! Please tell me what I look like, blowing off my man for a woman who talks about me behind my back?

That is really all that is going on for me at the moment. I have been stalking airline websites to see if I can find a ticket home that won't cost me a kidney and a liver, no such luck yet.

I am hopeful that my free internet connection stays up so I can start posting more frequently.

Spill the Beans

I hate sharing! Not literally, but sharing my feelings. I'm pretty sure that a lot of it has to do with how I was raised. While my family was close, some things we just didn't talk about. We showed love to one another but rarely used the term, "I love you."

For this reason, it has been a true task communicating certain things when it comes to relationships with people. Up until this point, it never seemed to matter to anybody I was in a relationship with. Teddy came along and changed things up in my life.

He has this thing about being open and honest. Now before anyone side eyes me, I believe that healthy relationships thrive on communication and honesty. My problem is that he likes to discuss the past a lot. While I understand the past helped us to get where we are, because of not-so-good memories, I don’t like harping on the past. Teddy wants to discuss every single minute detail of the past. I just can’t see why he would like to know everything.

I have been trying to disclose some things I’ve hidden way back in my closet. I do this because I want my relationship to flourish. Another reason I don’t mind trying is because he isn’t accusatory or judgmental, he genuinely wants to know all of me. There are some things I’ve told him that he could have easily thrown up in my face in the heat of a heated conversation, but he never goes that route.

Over the weekend, we had a ridiculous incident concerning Crazy-mf-ass-Kelley that could have ended us for good, but instead he stepped up to the plate like a real man and was there in full effect to support me. I am a very, very lucky woman.

And Then There Were Two...

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am in a relationship now.I know, I didn't foresee that happening any time soon either. You guys will never guess who it is, are you thinking? Hmmm....obviously it is someone you'd know of....Give up??? Teddy!!!

Trust me; I was just as surprised as you. Back in January, he texted me out of the blue, apologizing for what happened. He asked how I was and wondered if I'd ever moved to Texas. I replied telling him I was fine and matter-of-factly, let him know that I did move.

I had mixed emotions about the whole situation. I expressed to you all that I liked him and how he vanished. I was upset with him but at the same time, curiosity had gotten the best of me and I wanted an explanation. After we texted a bit that afternoon, he asked me to call him. The conversation that evening was as dry as six month old fruit cake. I knew that my attitude was funking up the call, but at that point he was just asking me questions and not offering up any explanations.

Time went on and we began to get reacquainted with each other. The conversations eventually made their way back to how they were before his disappearing act. After a couple of weeks, he asked if he could take me out. I agreed and we made plans to spend a Saturday afternoon together.

Saturday came and I was nervous as ever. What would he think of me? Would he like me? Would I like him? All types of questions were running through my mind. Thing was, although we started talking early last summer, we had never actually met in person, so the pressure was definitely on my shoulders.

I had agreed to let him pick me up, but I wasn't sure I wanted him to know which exact apartment was mine, so I told him to wait in the car and I'd be down shortly. He showed up fifteen minutes early and I was not ready so he just had to sit out there and wait.

I got to his car and got in and hugged him. He smiled a warm smile and said hello and we headed out for our afternoon of fun. First, went bowling. He had bet me that I wouldn't win a game and if I did he'd take me to the mall, a place that he loathes. I'm happy to report that I won a game and the mall was our next outing of the day.

Teddy was the perfect shopping buddy that day. He held my bags, gave his opinion on a few things I tried on, all without one complaint. If he was trying to win brownie points with me, it was surely working.

Our last stop was dinner at a quaint little Italian restaurant. We had a little table in the back of the restaurant, although I still think they put us back there because we were the only black couple there. Okay, I’m getting off track, so back to the story. Over our shared appetizer, he asked me if I was having a good time. I told him that I was and had no idea how the night would go. He said he had been nervous because of how he left things with us; he was unsure of how I’d act on our date. I assured him that I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with him, just to get him in public and embarrass him.

Once our meal arrived, he slowly but surely began to tell me what actually had been the cause of things ending with us. To pretty much sum things up, he began to doubt if he was good enough for me. Past relationships really did a number to his feelings and seeing as though I’d been through the same thing, I forgave him. The fact that he was man enough to apologize and actually admit his insecurities spoke volumes to me.
After that night all the feelings I had for him came rushing back. The hardest part for me when we stopped talking was wondering why things ended considering we got along so well. Things with us are better than I ever imagined before I moved here. We have the best time when we’re together, even if it’s just staying in for the day. I truly feel like in him, I have my soul mate.

I know this is all extra mushy and sometimes I still can’t believe I even feel this way, but I do. I’ve never actually been in love with someone, in a healthy relationship. I am truly thankful that I put my ego aside that day and replied to his text and more so that I agreed to go out with him. It’s funny that you never know what is in store for us, but I am happy that they came together like they did.

So far Teddy has met my sister and I am supposed to meet his mom soon, please keep me in your prayers! Lol!

As for my blogging, I promise to do better. I missed you all!

Another One Bites The Dust

So I haven’t talked to Teddy since Saturday night. I’m no genius but I’m pretty sure that’s the end of him. I still haven’t the slightest idea what happened nor will I probably ever know the true story. I did what YW suggested, I called him and texted twice and I received no response. Making those communication attempts were huge steps for me so I honestly feel like I made an effort but he just didn’t reciprocate.

I decided to go with this story that I made up to close the chapter of us. He got a call from an ex-girlfriend that he messed around with right before I met him. Their talking had dwindled when he saw what a great catch I was. Well let’s get back to his ex-girlfriend. She called him up Sunday and told him that she was pregnant. He was shocked to hear that he had a child on the way but being the kind of person he is, he decided that he would work things out with her and plan their future together.

He was so torn up about his impending child and hurting me that he decided to just erase himself from my life completely. He told me from day one that he hates confrontation so disappearing was the only rationale option he could make.

I will miss our conversations filled with laughter. I feel that every man I have met lately has been a step up from the one before. I know that one day I will meet my soul mate and I will use all these experiences to cultivate a long-lasting relationship.

I know that this whole story may sound crazy but leaving things incomplete may hinder me from just shaking off that he’s no longer apart of my life. The thing is its not like I have a problem meeting men but it’s the quality ones that seem to be lacking. Oh well, back to the dating scene I go.

Knots

I have knots in my stomach. I hate this feeling and whenever I have it my head is all over the place at the same time. I didn’t communicate with Teddy at all yesterday. This has been the first time since July that we haven’t spoken.

Our last conversation was Saturday night. I had called him after I attended my friend’s wedding reception and he was asleep. I asked him if he was watching tv and he said that actually it was watching him. So I said well then talk to you tomorrow. Yesterday came and went and nothing.

In the past, if someone goes MIA I just wait for them to resurface, they always do. This time, I could barely sleep last night wondering what was up. So I texted him this morning like I normally do and told him that I hope everything is going alright. Well he normally replies immediately to my texts but not today.

So now, I’m kind of confused as to what to do. I’ve learned in the past that if something like this happens, you worry thinking something may be wrong with the person. But I’ve found that 99.9% of the time, there’s nothing wrong with them at all and they’ve gone “missing” by choice. I kind of made it up in my mind that if I don’t hear from here either tonight or tomorrow that I will call him.

I already feel like I’m taking a big leap outside of my comfort zone by even reaching out to him since he hasn’t contacted me. I honestly just want to know that nothing is wrong. If he somehow decided that he didn’t want to talk any more than there’s nothing I can do about it. I just hate the knots in my stomach and not knowing.

What would you all do?

Excitement

I had a very long and tiring weekend. Two of my siblings had birthdays so this weekend was all about family. Teddy went to an away football game, so by the time he got in at 2am, I was knocked out. He did let me know he was home though, which I thought was nice.

I found myself really missing him Saturday. Sunday he texted me to see what I was up to but I was with family so I agreed to call him later. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and told him that I really missed not talking to him. He said that he missed me too. It felt liberating actually telling someone how I felt without the fear of losing myself.

So last night he got me really excited about this week. This will be the week that I officially give notice to clear out of here. It is going to be all sweet, no bitterness at all, well not on my part anyway. Any suggestions on what to say. I was thinking....

Dear Sup,
cc:Dragon Lady

I quit! My last day will be ________.



Trish

Do you guys think that's too wordy?

In A Relationship...

So I'm sure this topic has been discussed in Blogland, maybe even by one you but I possibly missed it. This topic is in reference to FB relationship statuses.

The other night Teddy and I were talking about this topic and I wondered how you all felt about it. Personally, I have only been in a couple relationships since hitting the FB scene. I'm really private when it comes to everyone knowing all my business so I took off the relationship line totally.

When I was with this last Ex, he had originally wanted to put in a relationship but I talked him out of it and he deleted the relationship line totally as well. I was always reluctant to put up pictures of us because we had a lot of common friends and again, I didn't want the world looking at our relationship nor trying to cause problems.

After telling Teddy that I didn't put up pics of the Ex originally I began to feel bad about some of my actions with him. I'm thinking of asking him to lunch to talk before I leave for TX.

The next relationship I enter I am going to be more open to his feelings and needs. I realized that because I wasn't feeling my relationship with the Ex 100% I wasn't giving it my all and that wasn't fair to either one of us. Relationships are about compromise and trying to keep the other person happy without losing yourself. I believe that I have learned alot over this past year, I honestly feel like I've grown and I'm ready for this next phase in life.

When talking with Teddy he said he wasn't pressed about the whole relationship status either way. I thought that was a small sigh of relief, however we got into talking again about the posting of pics. My thing with that is that although you don't have it posted that you're in a relationship, if your constantly adding pics of the two of you together, isn't that showing what is going on without saying it?

I think that these trivial things sometimes blow up to unwanted drama. After breaking up with the Ex I was grateful I hadn't put the relationship status because I have seen first hand how nosey and insensitive people are when someone's relationship ends.

I know I'm thinking way too much on this because ultimately, the relationship itself is more important than any statuses, comments or opinions from anyone else.

So I'm interested in hearing everyone's take on this topic and/or experiences.

Weekend & Realizations

I am sitting at work exhausted. My flight was delayed last night due to rain and storms. I got in early this morning and when my alarm clock went off, I thought it was a cruel joke.

So the weekend with Toot was good for the most part. I’m not sure what it was, but it’s like the thrill has worn off for me. I found myself wanting to talk to Teddy more and more. All I could think of was that I wasn’t going to let Toot jeopardize the possibility of a future with someone else. It was actually quite funny, he was encouraging me to call Teddy while we were together but I wouldn’t humor him.

Meeting the family went just as I pictured it. They were just as he described them and I really enjoyed talking to his mother. There were a couple of awkward moments, including one where his mom made a statement saying that from all he had told her about me, she was surprised that he and I weren’t together. All I could do was sit there; I didn’t want to even comment on that.

Another moment came when he asked me to take off the ring he bought me and handed it to his mother. She was like, “oh when did you get this?” That is when I explained to her that he got me that back in May.

Toot and I talked about my move and a couple of other things but it just wasn’t really the same. I am actually quite relieved about all of this. When it was about time for me to leave, I told him that every time I see him, I think it will be the last time.

I really feel like Teddy has great potential and he’s at the same place I am I my life, unlike Toot. He and I have so many commonalities it makes me pause at times. I am trying to really be the person I was before I got my heart stomped on but sometimes it’s so hard. I know that I have to get over the past in order to have a successful future. The craziest part is that he has had his heart broken too so he also has his defenses up a bit. All I think is that can’t be good for us both to have them so I am making a conscious effort to slowly break away my fifteen foot wall.