Stressed

I know that I should be focusing on wedding planning but I've been super stressed. I blame school, work and Teddy. We're supposed to take our engagement pictures this weekend. The rate at which he's been on my nerves....I can only imagine how the pictures will look.

I'm not one of those people who believes that marriage fixes everything. In fact, I think the opposite. While of course, I want to get married, sometimes the thought of forever, scares the hell out of me. I think that when your mate gets on your nerves, they don't go anywhere, there are just in your space.

Over the last few days, my communication flaw has been brought up again. I have no clue why Teddy thinks just because we're engaged, that now I will be thrilled to answer a shitload of questions. ***Newsflash, I still hate being asked a ton of questions*****Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but he also thinks that I should be forthcoming with everything, the present and the past. The past sucks the worse...I don't see why he feels he needs to know every waking detail of what has happened to me before I even knew him.

I say all this to say that he has me stressed. I'm not sure what to do at this point. On one hand, I think that I should change since I know that I should be willing to answer my spouse's questions and share things with him. On the other hand, I think hell, I've been this way since the beginning, don't expect change now.

Today has been a very hellish day for me, can you tell?

To Be or Not to Be....A Bridesmaid

As I've mentioned in past posts, I've been blessed with wonderful friends. These aren't your regular "girlfriends," they're wake up at 3am to listen to you cry and vent and the type that you're never a guest when you're at their home.

Then we get to my cousins....one of whom is only two months older than me and we've hung since we were little as well. The other, her sister, we've had gotten really close through the years too and then we fell out Labor Day because of a fight with her daughter's father.

Next up is my sister-in-law. She isn't the typical, speak-when-you're-around-her-and- that's-it, sister-in-law. We've been on all day shopping excursions, she call to check up on me, just because and we even took a vacation to Myrtle Beach together.

I say all this to say that with all these people, plus my sister, who is Maid of Honor, I have too many people who want to be a part of the bridal party. The number of ladies including my sister totals eight. While eight isn't an enormous number, Teddy does not have enough men to accomodate a bridal party of this size.

I thought to cut the cousin I fell out with, but her sister said if I cut her sister, to keep down confusion, she would sit out as well. Sounds like I'd be #Winning, right?(My sister has me saying that mess, lol!) But no, I really want my closest cousin in the ceremony. Also, in one breath she says she'll sit out, but the next, how she can't wait to see what dresses I've selected, talking about indecisive.

Since the wedding is October 22nd, I don't have much longer to decide what I'm going to do about this situation. I know that ordering dresses takes a while sometimes and I don't want any issues because of me.

I'm giving myself until the end of the week to notify the participants in the wedding party. I've been in a couple of weddings and honestly, I don't want to be in any more, so I'm not sure why so many people actually want to be bridesmaids....Any advice???

The Haps

As life goes, there is always so much going on, with so little free time. One of my brother's finally came down to visit and we had a great visit. He bought me a new bag, 32-inch tv and a really nice watch. They were all early birthday presents.

Teddy hit it off great with my brother, as I thought he would. They were even both rapping to songs in the car. I smiled as two of my favorite guys got along and shared stories of their pasts.

School has been a lot more demanding lately. I meet with my classmates up to three times a week but the best part is I seem to be doing apparently well in both my Stats and Accounting classes.

Work has been alright for the most part. There are layoffs among us and I know of two people who are getting fired tomorrow but obviously I'm not the one to tell them. I felt so bad because one person was telling me her life woes, including being the only employed one in her family.

My sister has been down twice in a three week span, we even went to New Orleans. It was my first time there and we had a blast. We both definitely plan to go back somtime this year.

I interviewed for an internal position, but I didn't get it. Oddly enough, I wasn't disappointed, the manager of the position actually gave me the creeps, so no love lost there.

Hmmmm...what else....just kidding. I saved the best for last......

TEDDY AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!

We're getting married this fall and I couldn't be more excited and stressed! I have been planning like a maniac. There is one thing that has been getting on my nerves when I tell people my news, their inquiry as to whether or not I'm pregnant. Can't a black woman get married without being pregnant?! Ugh!

Well I'm off to catch up on what's been going on with you all.