Book of Me

Cooking with Trish

2011-12-18T13:22:00.001-08:00

I'm making food for my office "Holiday Potluck." I am making a peach cobbler and chicken caesar pasta salad. This is my second attempt at the peach cobbler, the first time I received great compliments but the neighbor barely ate any and I ended up throwing over half of it away. I am debating on whether or not to add nutmeg, which I added to the first cobbler. I've been digging through different recipes where some people call for nutmeg and others don't. I should have asked Jameil what she thought before I started baking....

Okay call me rude, but I'm nervous about what my coworkers will be bringing in. I put a sign-in sheet up so that we could have an idea of who was bringing what. One person put that they were bringing jellyfish. Really, jellyfish? The majority of my department is made up of foreigners but I am hoping to try a few new dishes that I actually like.

I'm going to save this post now so that I can add pictures of the finished products.

Okay guys, the cobbler is a little browner than I intended it to be because I had the oven on already from cooking the chicken in the pasta. Hopefully my coworkers enjoy~

Nobody Knows

2011-12-04T17:22:00.000-08:00

Life goes on, whether we are ready for it or not. I have been enjoying this much needed break from school. I'm also just about settled into the new apartment. As I normally do this time of year, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. A year ago, I thought I'd be married to Teddy and planning my holidays with him. I haven't heard from him in over six months and I'm still alright with that. I realized that he had major trust issues and no matter what I would have done, things would not have worked between us.

The neighbor that I was dating is staying at my place for the meantime. We have a great time together and I like having him here. I can't lie, having the financial help is really coming in handy as well. He will be leaving soon but I'm in no hurry for him to leave. My sister had a chance to meet him when she came down for Thanksgiving and they got along well.

I can't wait to see what's ahead for me...

All is Well

2011-10-03T18:43:00.000-07:00

The new job has been keeping me super busy. There are days that I am in the office past time and I am one of those people who is ready to go at exactly quitting time! There is a lady who is older than me but who I am to begin supervising in the upcoming weeks. My boss was trying to give me time to get settled into my position before I had to begin my supervisory role but he thinks that this change needs to take effect sooner than later. The problem is that the lady pretty much feels that because I am younger than her, that she can boss me around. There have been a few instances that have made her feelings about where we stand pretty clear. Unfortunately, she is the only person unaware that I will be supervising her. She complains to me everyday about how she is overworked and underpaid and sometimes gets an attitudes with our superiors. I am so not looking forward to managing her.....

School is flying on by this semester. I have two very demanding classes that pretty much require that I attend online lectures. After last semester's fiasco but my group, new groups were formed and I was optimistic. One guy who was selling himself as such a great group member on the China trip has turned out to be a dud. He has really irked our group's nerves and last week, we submitted an assignment and purposely left his name off. All I can hope is that the fact that we left his name off the assignment will be a wake up call for him because he does not at all participate unless we pretty much stalk him.

I've been hanging out with a neighbor for a couple of months now. We thought it would be nice to not jump into a relationship, but to get to really know each other. I'm glad that we went about things this way. I have really been getting to know him and enjoy spending time with him, though at the same time I wonder if I can see myself in an actual relationship with him. At present, I am enjoying the moment. Do you guys know that people still ask me if Teddy has broken down and called me yet? How many months has it been? Please do yourself a favor and get over it...

Lastly, I am moving once again. I have a neighbor who has a verbally abusive man that just got out of jail. Every single day I hear him yelling at her telling her she is nothing, calling her out of her name and slamming doors, it is insane. The argument between them got so heated last night I decided to call the police but my friend talked me out of it. I'm just glad to be leaving this place. When I first moved here, it was a serene oasis but now it has turned into a dump that I can't wait to escape.

Right On Time!!!

2011-08-23T15:48:00.000-07:00

Guess who has a new job?!!!! It's at my same company, in a different department and the best part is that the position is a promotion!!! So not only did I get three weeks off paid this month, but I also get a job making more money??!!!

I am SO super blessed! God is always right on time in my life!

China Photos- Part 5

2011-08-21T16:20:00.000-07:00

China Photos-Part 4

2011-08-21T16:15:00.001-07:00

China Photos-Part 3

2011-08-21T16:05:00.000-07:00

China Photos-Part 2

2011-08-21T16:00:00.001-07:00

China Photos-Part 1

2011-08-21T15:54:00.000-07:00

Back at Home

2011-08-17T20:04:00.000-07:00

I'm back in the states!! My flight got in a little before midnight last night. I had a wonderful trip. I went to both Beijing and Shanghai and it was definitely a once in a lifetime experience.

The trip was structured so that we had seminars and also had the opportunity to explore the city. I met a few people who were very nice and I'm sure I will continue to keep in touch with. I also met a guy on the trip. At first, I thought that maybe he was a little peculiar because he kept looking at me. I guess I've been out of the loop for a minute because a class member brought to my attention that he just likes me and that's why he keeps staring.

Anyways he and I actually got to talking and were inseparable the rest of the trip. We hung out at night when the rest of the guys went to the club every evening, just talking. He's really sweet and everyone likes him, he has a way of making everyone feel comfortable. On the flight back from China, he got a lady to switch seats with me and even offered her $20. I thought that him making that gesture was super sweet. The only downfall is that he doesn't live in Texas but he's made it clear he'd like to talk anyway and questioned if I'd come visit if he bought a plane ticket for me.

My last official day of work was the Friday before I left for the trip. I have an interview tomorrow morning. I am so praying that I get this job, it's at my company but in a different department and it would be a promotion. I will keep you all posted. Oh and last thing I wanted to tell you all, I ended up getting a C- in my class, meaning I have to repeat thanks to my group members failure to get our video submitted on time. I am appealing the grade.

Un-Wonderful Time of the Year

2011-07-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

It is budget time at work. It is my least favorite time of the year. I have worked 12 days straight and counting. I am scheduled to work both tomorrow and Sunday as well. I am so exhausted that my eyes have formed into slits.

I am not getting overtime but I am banking comptime which I will use to go on the trip with my MBA program. Although I originally signed up for the trip, that was before I found out about my whole job situation so mentally I opted out. All of a sudden last weekend in the midst of my stress, I decided that I needed a break and since my hotel and flight were paid for by the school, that I should take advantage of the once in a lifetime opportunity.

As I said earlier, I am just super tired and next week is the final week of classes so I have a ton of work to do. Next week is also the last week to wrap up the budget process at work so it will be hell on earth. It really hit me that my job will be no longer as I looked in our online system and saw that I was disapproved to receive funding for next fiscal year. I've been on a couple of interviews but no bites as of yet but I am still optimistic. I am noticing that a couple of people inquire about my pursuing my Master's, wondering how I will be able to work and attend school. I am half way through my program, obviously, I am doing something right. I am thinking about taking that off of my resume until I am finish. Does anyone have any advice on that?

Wow! Really?!

2011-07-08T18:59:00.000-07:00

So this has been a really trying week for me. My school group has been working my nerves. Last night, we were on a conference call for three hours until 1am, working our our project. I hate that they all wait until the last minute and then try to get things done. We are all adults in this group and yet and still, I have to be the one to delegate the assignments, send reminders and edit each and every assignment. I know that if I'm not the one to put the assignments together, then there is a strong possibility that I won't pass the class.

We had a staff meeting at work and my boss asked me in the middle of the meeting how my job search was coming. How do you think? If I had a job lady, I wouldn't be here at this very moment.

I had a job interview today and a phone interview. The in-person interview, the guy told me, "look, I'm going to be honest, I'm not offering you this job." To say I was a bit caught off guard would be an understatement. The phone interview went slightly better, he didn't tell me straight away that I didn't have the job, he said that they'd be in touch. The position sounds really demanding but at this point, I need not be choosy.

I don't have any real big plans for this weekend. I'd like to get my homework done this weekend so that I don't have to worry about it next week and I need to do some cleaning. I'd like to see a movie or two, I just need to make myself get back into the habit of going out alone again.

Weekend

2011-07-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

I have been enjoying the holiday weekend. In fact, I think that every weekend should include three days. Friday I stayed in and watched some shows on my DVR. Saturday, like clock-work I was up at 6am. Let me tell you, the only time I will shop at a WMart is if I'm up super early, otherwise, they are just too crowded for my taste. I had finished all my shopping by 8am and was back at home.

I decided to make breakfast because it had been a minute since I had homemade breakfast. The breakfast was great and I started doing housework. Wouldn't you know it, a migraine showed up and took over my entire day. I took some gelcaps but had no relief, I knew I needed solid pills but I was in too much agony to drive anywhere. After about eight hours, it finally starting to go away. I had told BeBe I'd make jello shots and a side dish for her bbq Sunday so I had to get up.

I finally met some of BeBe's relatives. She is a lot closer with her friends than family but I felt pretty honored to meet them. I felt her pain when she texted me with a disclaimer that her family was full of characters. I reassured her that my family was comical as well, so no worries.

The good thing was that BeBe had some headache medicine that started to work almost instantly. I bought some decorations and themed plates for the bbq. BeBe is definitely not the holiday type so I knew not to call and ask her if I could hang the decorations, that it'd be better to just get them. I got home that evening and said well if I'm up in time, I will go to church in the morning.

So Sunday morning comes and I was up bright and early at 6am once again. I said well I guess that means that I'll be going to church. In a matter of minutes, my stomach started to hurt and I said well maybe I'll just go next weekend. As God is my witness, when I said that, the power at my apt cut off, it wasn't raining nor windy. I laughed out loud and got up and headed out. I was so glad I went, the message was just for me.

The bbq was a success last night. I helped BeBe set up and clean up. I'm truly blessed to have great friends and family and I know that when the time is right, that I'll get a new job, I just need to try to not think about it for the time being.

Forgiveness

2011-06-13T17:26:00.000-07:00

I went to church yesterday with BeBe. The message was right on point for me. The Pastor is running a series and I am looking forward to attending until it ends. The main portion of the sermon that stuck with me was about forgiveness. He asked us to write down who hurt us and what they did to us down. I wrote Teddy's name because I realized I'm really hurt at the fact that he told me we were going to spend our lives together and then pretty much pulled the rug from up under me. I know that that's not really how it happened, he gave me a choice, but I feel that he backed me into a corner, just like he did the last time.

So anyway, the Pastor had a demonstration in which he had a garbage bags and words in it like, lies, cheating, back-stabbing, hurt and all the words he pulled out as he illustrated how we carry baggage. He then mentioned that sometimes the people that hurt us are sometimes the ones carrying that bag and it's impossible for them to love us because they're unhappy and don't love themselves. I could see Teddy and myself in that situation. He was cheated on by every girlfriend he ever had and that had taken a toll on him. So as I sat in that seat, with tears pouring from my eyes, I decided to forgive Teddy.

I know of course that forgiveness doesn't instantly make the pain go away, but I took the first major step towards recovery. I know that I don't want to carry a trash bag into my next relationship so this is something that must be done.

Unexpected

2011-05-23T16:44:00.000-07:00

So guess who texted me at 6:36am.....Teddy! It's funny because I mentioned in my last post that I had been praying for him because he had been on my heart.

Well in his text, he was saying he was writing for closure. Then he mentioned a position he was considering taking on the east coast so that he could move on from me and only space will allow that to happen. The texts went on for about a half hour. I'm still uncertain as to where we left things. Part of me says it's been six weeks, just wait six more and maybe I'll be over him, the other part of me says that him reaching out was huge so maybe this all means something.

In other news, camping was so much fun!! We had a great time, although sleeping in a tent was not a high point for me. Let me also say how filthy the bathrooms were, I can't believe women used them, it seemed more like a pack of animals. When I got home, I ran to the shower, it was sweet relief. There were a ton of couples on the camping trip, I admit that I wished that I had come as a part of a couple, but hanging with BeBe was cool as always.

There is nothing else really going on, I have still been on the hunt for a new job so we'll see what happens next.....

Distractions

2011-05-18T17:43:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to distract myself from thinking lately. I know to some, that may sound silly, but with my recently plague of insomnia, light-thinking has been allowing me to have restful nights. While I'm awake, I do think about the job situation, because that, I really can't control. I applied for fourteen jobs today and have a meeting with a placement agency tomorrow.

I'm going camping with BeBe and the girls this weekend. I asked Toot to borrow some camping equipment. He told me that I could borrow whatever I needed and asked me to call off work to hang with him and get the items. Well that day came and I couldn't take off. That fool Toot had the nerve to be mad and when I asked him about still using some of his camping gear, he said no. The fact that he had the nerve to tell me no when I've driven out of my way, through a thunderstorm to bring him money that he needed to borrow, pissed me off.

I went to a comedy show Saturday evening. The headliner was Lavelle Crawford and the opening act was named Spike Jackson. Let me tell you all, between those two men, I laughed until I cried. The laughter I got that night was just what the doctor ordered. When I'm sad, often times, I watch or listen to something funny to lift my spirits.

Last night I had a dream about Teddy. I think that the dream was because I prayed for him before I went to bed. Despite the way things ended between him and me, I still want only the best for him. I actually woke myself up from a dream for once. The dream had just started and in it my phone rang and I reached for it and saw that it was Teddy calling. I remembered thinking, this must be a dream, he's too proud to call me and just like that, I woke myself up.

What other ramblings???? I'm not sure if I told you guys but my sister officially moved to Arizona. I'm so proud of her and I am glad that she has followed her dream. One of my brothers teased that I turned her into a traitor since she left our hometown, my thing is, if being a traitor means doing what your heart desires, I'll be a traitor every time.

In the Meantime

2011-05-13T16:32:00.000-07:00

There hasn't been really anything blog worthy to write about. Each day, I give myself a number and that's how many jobs I apply for. Want an example? Sure you want an example, Wednesday, I applied for 25 jobs and yesterday, 10. I took a break today but will be back on the hunt. I just started to feel drained in my job search but I will be back on it Monday.

Just in case anyone is wondering, I haven't spoken to Teddy. Most people have stopped asking if we've reconciled. How about my Mom asked my sister if she should tell my Pastor that the wedding is off? My sister told my Mom, well even if they did get back together, the wedding wouldn't be the same date, so yes. The craziest part is that I already told my Mother when I went home for Easter that she could cancel the church.

I've met a few guys, but they have all been either too freaking old or too young. I know that I probably shouldn't be worried about men at the moment but I'm not worried, just looking for a distraction at the moment.

Speaking of being worried about a man.....So the other day I asked my Texas Mom if she wanted to go to a comedy show, she said she'd let me know. Could someone tell me why she informed me that her husband would also be joining us? This is the second time that a married woman has done this to me. I just don't understand how married people think it's alright to just bring their spouse. I told my other coworker that I need to get a man so that I won't be a third wheel. I'm getting annoyed all over again. Anyway, after begging my other coworker to go, I am no longer the third wheel. I've been the third wheel before, but Texas Mom and husband are much older than I am and since I look young enough to get carded for Nyquil, I don't want to feel like I'm out with my parents.

I'm hoping for a good weekend, there's nothing better than a Friday night. I have plans to watch a couple of movies and just relax. I hope you all have a great weekend!

The Other Shoe....

2011-04-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

....fell. Yesterday I was called into my bosses office to be informed that I'm being let go. They didn't give me an exact date, she says that I could be employed up until August but that it could be sooner. I am working on budget information at work this week. Part of me feels like they are waiting to have me finish working on loading everyone's salary but mine for next fiscal year before they give me my two week notice.

To say that I was shocked would be a complete understatement...I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I just got back from seeing my family over the weekend and I actually teared up on the plane ride back. I had the best time and wished that I was near them again.

I don't know what's in store for me. I feel like I am at my absolute worse at this point in my life. Who would have thought I'd lose a fiancee' and a job all in the same month....

Those of you who pray...please add me to your list. I am having a hard time trying to figure out why all of this is happening but I know there has to be some reason behind it.

Insomnia

2011-04-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been battling with one of the worse cases of insomnia. Of course a lot of it is stress related and due to the termination of my relationship with Teddy.

The craziest part about all of this is that I haven't had a cry fest about all that has happened. I've thought about contacting him a couple of times, it has been over a week and a half since we've last spoken. The thing that keeps me from reaching out to him is the coldness in his words during our last conversation.

I'm getting a much needed break from life and getting to see my friends and family. I am super excited and can't wait to be in the company of people who fight with me but at the end of the day we can reach a common ground or agree to disagree.

I've tried taking Melatonin but that actually kept me woke and had me resembling a zombie the next day at work. So last night, I tried a CVS sleep aid and although I still woke up several times during the night, it wasn't for prolonged periods of time.

I hate this part of break-ups, getting through the "grieving period." The sad part is that the insomnia started before we broke up because of the constant arguing. I actually thought that ending the stress he was bringing to my life would bring peace but it hasn't.

The worse part in this whole ending of the relationship is telling people. I hate having people in my business and was against my coworkers announcing it at work. I hate when people pity me so hopefully I won't have to cuss anyone out for wanting details, because people are just nosey. I'll tell my family officially this weekend just to have that out of the way.

Ugh and Ugh!!

2011-04-12T18:44:00.000-07:00

I'm sure from the title of this post, you can tell I'm annoyed. Let's start with this...

All,

Due to the recent student concerns regarding the Japan Tsunami disaster and nuclear radiation levels, we are considering moving the MBA International China Trip to August 7-16, 2011. We thought it would be in the best interest and safety of all parties that we push the dates back. Considering these new dates, please let me know your availability to still participate.

Talking about someone who is pissed off. I already took off the days next month from work and what is even worse is that the new proposed dates are not negotiable and that is budget time at work and it's damn near impossible to get a day off, much less more than a week.

Next up is Teddy....I'm almost certain that there will be no union joining the two of us. There are several reasons that bring me to this conclusion, but mainly the fact that he doesn't trust me that has me questioning whether or not I can go through with marrying him. He feels that if I want things to work out with him that I should be willing to do ANY and EVERYthing he says for the sake of our relationship. While there is no doubt in my heart that I love Teddy, in my head I can't rationalize needing to prove myself to him. One of the things that would help him trust me is if I gave up "The Nightlife". I went out two weekends in a row and he has now labeled me a "clubber."

The thing is, the nights I went out, were times we weren't even seeing each other, so it's not like I was taking away from time between the two of us. I just can't fathom giving up hanging out with BeBe and the girls because of Teddy's insecurity.

This is all pretty surreal to me at the moment. While nothing surprises me, I am in awe that I'm dealing with this. UGH!!!

Final Week

2011-04-05T18:55:00.000-07:00

I am in the final week of classes. I'm so happy that I can hardly contain myself I have two projects and a post test to complete and I'll be done.

Did I mention I'm supposed to be going to China next month as a part of the MBA Program? I'm excited about the trip but seeing as though I'm at an HBCU, all the details have yet to come together. Shouldn't I know my flight and hotel information about a trip out of the country in a little over a month?

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I'm not sure if it is a good thing or not, I'll keep you all posted.

I visited a new church with BeBe a couple weeks ago. I really enjoyed it so we went back last weekend. It is the exact opposite of the mega church I had been attending. The church owns a suite in an office building complex and it has no foyer. In the midst of service, you can hear the kids in the nursery through the paper thin walls. Despite theses details, I truly enjoy being there...There is a young lady who leads praise and worship that has one of the most beautiful voices I've heard in person. The Pastor shows pure, raw emotion and I like going.

I'm in the process of finding a counselor to work with Teddy and I so that we can work through our issues together. I've decided not to have a big wedding at home anymore. I told my mom yesterday and she was really upset. So there goes one more thing to occupy my thoughts as I try to come up with a way to please both her and Teddy, does it ever end?

Stressed

2011-03-22T16:52:00.000-07:00

I know that I should be focusing on wedding planning but I've been super stressed. I blame school, work and Teddy. We're supposed to take our engagement pictures this weekend. The rate at which he's been on my nerves....I can only imagine how the pictures will look.

I'm not one of those people who believes that marriage fixes everything. In fact, I think the opposite. While of course, I want to get married, sometimes the thought of forever, scares the hell out of me. I think that when your mate gets on your nerves, they don't go anywhere, there are just in your space.

Over the last few days, my communication flaw has been brought up again. I have no clue why Teddy thinks just because we're engaged, that now I will be thrilled to answer a shitload of questions. ***Newsflash, I still hate being asked a ton of questions*****Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but he also thinks that I should be forthcoming with everything, the present and the past. The past sucks the worse...I don't see why he feels he needs to know every waking detail of what has happened to me before I even knew him.

I say all this to say that he has me stressed. I'm not sure what to do at this point. On one hand, I think that I should change since I know that I should be willing to answer my spouse's questions and share things with him. On the other hand, I think hell, I've been this way since the beginning, don't expect change now.

Today has been a very hellish day for me, can you tell?

To Be or Not to Be....A Bridesmaid

2011-03-15T04:31:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned in past posts, I've been blessed with wonderful friends. These aren't your regular "girlfriends," they're wake up at 3am to listen to you cry and vent and the type that you're never a guest when you're at their home.

Then we get to my cousins....one of whom is only two months older than me and we've hung since we were little as well. The other, her sister, we've had gotten really close through the years too and then we fell out Labor Day because of a fight with her daughter's father.

Next up is my sister-in-law. She isn't the typical, speak-when-you're-around-her-and- that's-it, sister-in-law. We've been on all day shopping excursions, she call to check up on me, just because and we even took a vacation to Myrtle Beach together.

I say all this to say that with all these people, plus my sister, who is Maid of Honor, I have too many people who want to be a part of the bridal party. The number of ladies including my sister totals eight. While eight isn't an enormous number, Teddy does not have enough men to accomodate a bridal party of this size.

I thought to cut the cousin I fell out with, but her sister said if I cut her sister, to keep down confusion, she would sit out as well. Sounds like I'd be #Winning, right?(My sister has me saying that mess, lol!) But no, I really want my closest cousin in the ceremony. Also, in one breath she says she'll sit out, but the next, how she can't wait to see what dresses I've selected, talking about indecisive.

Since the wedding is October 22nd, I don't have much longer to decide what I'm going to do about this situation. I know that ordering dresses takes a while sometimes and I don't want any issues because of me.

I'm giving myself until the end of the week to notify the participants in the wedding party. I've been in a couple of weddings and honestly, I don't want to be in any more, so I'm not sure why so many people actually want to be bridesmaids....Any advice???

The Haps

2011-03-10T16:10:00.000-08:00

As life goes, there is always so much going on, with so little free time. One of my brother's finally came down to visit and we had a great visit. He bought me a new bag, 32-inch tv and a really nice watch. They were all early birthday presents.

Teddy hit it off great with my brother, as I thought he would. They were even both rapping to songs in the car. I smiled as two of my favorite guys got along and shared stories of their pasts.

School has been a lot more demanding lately. I meet with my classmates up to three times a week but the best part is I seem to be doing apparently well in both my Stats and Accounting classes.

Work has been alright for the most part. There are layoffs among us and I know of two people who are getting fired tomorrow but obviously I'm not the one to tell them. I felt so bad because one person was telling me her life woes, including being the only employed one in her family.

My sister has been down twice in a three week span, we even went to New Orleans. It was my first time there and we had a blast. We both definitely plan to go back somtime this year.

I interviewed for an internal position, but I didn't get it. Oddly enough, I wasn't disappointed, the manager of the position actually gave me the creeps, so no love lost there.

Hmmmm...what else....just kidding. I saved the best for last......

TEDDY AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!

We're getting married this fall and I couldn't be more excited and stressed! I have been planning like a maniac. There is one thing that has been getting on my nerves when I tell people my news, their inquiry as to whether or not I'm pregnant. Can't a black woman get married without being pregnant?! Ugh!

Well I'm off to catch up on what's been going on with you all.

So Icy

2011-02-04T06:10:00.000-08:00

Yes, here in the Lone Star State, ice has overtaken us. I just came in from taking Baby out to use the bathroom and there's even ice on the grass. The good news is that we've been getting warned for days, so as a precaution, my job informed everyone yesterday that today, we'd be closed.

One of my older brothers is coming into town today and I'm so super excited. He was supposed to arrive last night, but the airport cancelled his flight. The good news is that the weather is supposed to increase to 40 degrees today, 55 tomorrow and 67 Sunday. I am just hoping that by the time I leave for the airport this afternoon that the sun has melted away the ice.

I have an itinerary of things things planned while my brother is in town. What I'm most excited about is to have him meet Teddy. To date, the entire time we've been dating, Teddy has only met my sister. I think that Teddy and my brother will hit it off well. My brother is the life of the party and I think it'll be nice that Teddy gets to hang around a guy close in age.

I guess I'll nap for a bit since my body clock still woke me up instinctively at 5:30a.m.

Communication Woes

2011-02-01T18:17:00.000-08:00

It has been brought to my attention that my communication skills could use some tweaking. I have never claimed to be a communicating guru but I always assumed that my plethora of friends spoke volumes for me. Although in the beginning, it may take me a while to warm up, after that, you can't get me to shut up.

My biggest communication flaw is when it comes to answering questions. I have known this about myself for many years. I don't mind being asked a question, it becomes a problem for me, however, when I begin to feel interrogated.

Teddy has a tendency of asking me a series of questions and after a while, I grow irritated by the "Grand Inquisition." My mother is also a "question maniac". She will call me with a list of things that she wants to ask me. While I can't necessarily control the fact that my Mom does this, I would like to have a relationship where my man isn't bombarding me with questions.

I know this may sound silly to some of you, but it has actually grown into a problem. In the beginning when we first began dating, I guess I didn't mind the questions so much because they are a part of getting to know each other. I had hoped though, that after knowing each other almost two years, that the questions would dwindle, but they haven't.

Let me give you an example of a recent conversation and you be the judge...

Teddy: What have you been up to?
Trish: Just getting out of church.
Teddy: What church did you go to?
Trish: Church on the Hills
Teddy: How did you hear about Church on the Hills?
Trish: BeBe told me about it.
Teddy: Does BeBe go to Church on the Hills?
Trish: *insert annoyed face*

These types of conversations happen all the time. It's like the questions keep coming if I don't get irritated by them. He says they are a way to get a dialogue going, but to me, it feels like I'm on a job interview.

The craziest part about this issue is that if I ask him what he did, it's usually a)watch tv, b)job-hunt. He is currently unemployed and looking for a job and is in school. He has absolutely nothing to talk about and cops a tude when I don't want to "be a contestant on Jeopardy." He even said in frustration to my refusal to answer the questions one night that he looks forward to talking to me all day, then when we speak in the evening, I have nothing to say. The sentiment is sweet, but I'm not your entertainment.

Sorry if this comes across like rambling or complaining. I love Teddy and I enjoy spending time with him, we never argue in person, but the phone time is very taxing on our relationship. He lives about an hour and a half away, so we typically only get to see each other once or twice a week. I like that he shows genuine concern for me and my day but once it becomes a constant flow of questions, I tune out.

Suggestions? Opinions??

Balancing Act

2011-01-16T11:34:00.001-08:00

I mentioned in a previous post that I have made a really great buddy, BeBe. When Teddy and I were trying having our issues, she was there with advice but mainly, acclimating me to the city.

While we were hanging out, I saw more of the city than I had since I've been here. I barely have to use the GPS since she's shown me so many back streets. Living in the same neighborhood means that we do a lot of last minute plans and I have no problem with that because while I appreciate time at home, I also like to get out and enjoy life.

When I was younger and in a relationship, while I had the same best friends since elementary school, I saw them still, but totally immersed myself into my relationship with whatever boyfriend I was with. I had one boyfriend that would go to "Girl's Night Out" events, just to monopolize my time.

After getting a bit older and realizing how rude it was to tote boyfriends to every social event I attended, I found a happy medium for friendships vs. relationships.
I've only had one relationship to date, where I felt that the person I was in a relationship with had an equal playing field with their time for me and their friends.

This brings me to Teddy....He doesn't really have any friends. The friends he does have, he never sees and only talks on the phone with them every few months. He had a best friend but they fell out a few years back and he has recently tried to reach out to him, but the friend doesn't really seem to be interested. Teddy's repsonse is that's why he doesn't have friends, because you can't trust people.

I'm not naive and I've shared with you all the story about how my best friend slept with my boyfriend years ago, so I too, have been burned. Despite the fact that I've been betrayed, I am not closed off to making new friends. While I realize that everyone won't be your BFF, there's nothing wrong with having people to hang out with on occasion.

BeBe and I still hang out and Teddy seems to not like it all that much. He won't come out and say it but I've asked him and he said "go out and have a good time." While he is far from controlling, I think that he's jealous that I have someone to hang out with that's my age, whereas before I was really just hanging out with the older ladies from work.

I never ditch him to hang out with her but there are times that I go out at night with her and that cuts into Teddy and my phone time. Sometimes I'll see her several times a week. The other day she had a watch party for "The Game." She invited me and her other friends over and we all brought a dish, they had drinks, desserts and I even brought my Wii. Her friends and I just get along and that's a huge plus for me.

I'm not sure if any of you have ever heard of a movie called, "I love you, Man," but it was about a man who had no friends who was trying to meet guys so he would have friends. I put the movie in for Teddy to watch and he was so uncomfortable that I ended up turning the movie off. While I don't want him to blow me off to hang out with his buddies, I think it'd be healthy that he had some friends to hang out with.

I guess the fact that he doesn't have friends wouldn't be so bad if he didn't seem slighted whenever I hung out. Like I said, he says that he is happy that I've made friends because he knows that I'm social, but that he's more of a homebody and would rather stay in.

Have any of you ever encountered anything like this?

Babble

2011-01-12T19:21:00.000-08:00

Today was a super long day. I did not leave work until 8:00pm and I had to stop and pick up a few items from the store. I went in the store for two items and left with two items, I was pleased with myself. One of my friends has challenged me to a $50 per pay period spending max, this applies only to shopping, not groceries, toiletries or anything of that nature.

The weather has been pretty chilly down here this week. My apartment put down table salt as a means of preventing the formation of ice, all I could do was laugh! For some reason, because I'm from the north, people think that cold is "my weather." I'm black, most of us don't like cold, no matter where we're from, northerners don't like cold either, we're used to it, but don't like it.

I've been making more meals at home lately, which is always a plus. Oh and my office got notice that we were being relocated to a different office space. I'm in a cube now but they are moving me to an office with the hater that I always tell you guys about. I am less than happy about this move, but as people seem to keep wanting to remind me, (like I don't already know) I'm blessed to have a job. She told me today that we need to come up with some rules about smells and noise. I think for some reason, she thought she was talking to a toddler, because how many adults need to talk about those things? She said smells have to do with approved sprays that don't disgust her and of course the noise was keeping my volume to a minimum. Ironically, she is louder than I am and always has people in her office and always screaming at her kids and husband on the phone.

I am desperately pleading that one of the jobs I've applied for come through so that I can get away from these clowns.

So Far

2011-01-06T16:26:00.000-08:00

I posted over on GP's blog that I've stuck to my weight loss efforts by not drinking pop or soda, depending on which term you use. The funny thing is it is only the 6th day into the year but I'm already beginning to feel a little better. I wonder if it's all in my head?

So far though, I have been eating healthy and keeping a food journal. I miss the days of being young and being able to eat whatever I want without consequence.

I have also started job hunting, as of last night. I am constantly reminded at work that people are getting laid off and that I should be blessed to have a job. While I recognize that times are hard, I don't feel that the economic crisis should keep me stuck in a job where they overwork me and underpay me, so I am back on the hunt. I had stopped for a while when I stopped having issues at work but I have big goals this year and they require me to bring home a higher salary.

I am trying to talk myself into going to the gym as I type this. I know that I need to and will go after I finish this post.

The Haps

2010-12-30T12:24:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone!! I can't believe I've been away so long, I see how Mia can take such long breaks! Thanks to those of you who wondered about how I've been.

Let's get going, I finished my first semester of graduate school. I received an A- in my Finance Class and an A in my Communications course. There is a chick in my group that I'm stuck working with for an entire year, I've been doing a lot of praying, we've gotten into it three times already and the word bitch is on the tip of my tongue.

I finally moved from the projects into the burbs. Let me just tell you, it is like living in an entirely different world, the pic attached is the new place. I've decided I'm going to start posting more pics with my blog, to give you all more of a visual.

Work has been pleasingly quiet lately. I am actually starting back up my job search though before anything else pops up with the coworkers. I haven't brought lunch to work in a while since the incidents with my coworker mistaking my items for hers.

Unfortunately, not bringing my lunch means that I've been eating out a lot, not to mention drinking, see that pic attached too and have gained a good twenty-five pounds since this time last year. I know people are always making resolutions to lose weight in the new year but it is definitely a must for me, I'm busting out of my clothes.

I've made a great friend that I met at work and she and I live in the same neighborhood now. I really missed all my friends since I made the 3K mile move and I'm glad to have found a true friend here. She and I hang out a lot and have tons in common. When Teddy and I had some issues, she was just the true definition of a "girlfriend." Since she has lived here all her life, she has a ton of friends and I've gotten to meet quite a few of them. They remind me of my friends back home and they have invited me to several events that they've each had, it finally started to feel like I lived here and wasn't just visiting.

Things with Teddy are now better than they have ever been. Like a lot of couples, we went through a period where we weren't seeing eye to eye. Thankfully we worked everything out and are now planning for the future. He has really grown a lot since we first started dating and is continuing to grow into the man that I know he can be.

My sister is still planning to move down here to join me, not in my apartment though (thank God!) She graduated with her Masters in Education a couple of weeks ago and is now just waiting for a job. She and I have been on pretty good terms these last few months. We have had our normal disagreements but they usually only last a day or so and we're back to living life as if nothing happened. After deciding that she was tried of yo-yo dieting, she had gastric bypass surgery and is down about 60lbs. I know that outside appearance has nothing to do with how a person feels but she seems to have a bit more confidence lately.

I went home for a quick weekend a few months back, I had gotten a little homesick. My cousin had a bbq at her house and after a few hours and a liquor concotion, appropriately named, "Jungle Juice," things went horribly wrong. There were punches and smacks thrown and the police shut down the party. There is one cousin that none of us are really speaking with because she defended her boyfriend to the cops. We made ammends a couple of months ago, but things still feel weird. I'm hoping to get things back on track with all of us, since no one is really speaking to her.

My trip home for Christmas started off really well. The flight left on time, I met a nice man who chatted about his wife, job and dog. The ride had no turbulence and we even arrived on time. But as always, there has to be some type of drama. On our way back from an evening of hanging out, my sister, cousins and I were in an accident. There was a man waving cars down on the freeway and as we slowed down, we slid on black ice, hit his truck and ended up facing oncoming traffic. At that point, we decided to get out of the car and make it as quickly as we can to the embankment. It was super cold, a whopping 15 degrees and snowing. The good part is none of us was seriously injured, I'll add pics from that night too.

That is really all that's been happening this way. I am getting ready to straighten up a bit and enjoy the rest of my vacation from work. Teddy has plans for us tomorrow night and I'm looking forward to the year ahead. I still cannot believe that this year has gone by so fast. I'm going to be catching up on all your blogs over the next few days.

The final pic is of my baby!! See you in the new year!

*Edited to add- The pics are all out of order but pretty easy to figure out!

My Heart Stopped

2010-08-22T06:47:00.001-07:00

The other day I work I got a call from my sister. I picked up the phone with a high-pitched hello, acting silly.

All I heard from her end was crying. My heart stopped beating and I yelled at her, asking what was wrong. In between sobs, she told me that some guys had kicked in the front door while she was in the shower.

Panic set in and I wondered if she was alright. Had my parents been injured? I needed to know everything. It was four in the afternoon and someone had the audacity to just kick in the door to my parent's home, after them being there only two short months, I was mad as hell.

The police arrived within a few minutes so she said she would call me back. The entire time I waited to hear from her, my stomach was in knots.

She finally called me back and gave me the details about what happened. She saw the crooks and ran after them, but she recently had surgery so she couldn't catch up as fast had she not been recovering.

The jerks stole her $2,000 M-book and even took the time to rip the cord from the wall. Her feelings were hurt about her computer and the fact that all her papers and personal information was on there.

She is in better spirits now, thanking God that she wasn't harmed and she only lost a material possession. My parents felt horrible because they had discussed getting an alarm but hadn't gotten around to it yet. I'm just thankfil that she's okay.

Pacing Myself

2010-08-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

As life goes, it seems that things are all falling into place at once. In a month, I'll be starting classes and in about two months, I will finally be moving.

My sister is all over the place with her ideas. One minute, she wants to move down in January, the next, it's June. One second, she wants she and I to be roomies, the next, she'd like to get a third bedroom for our younger brother.

Then the other day she "so-called" lectured me about making the decision that is best for me, not for Teddy, her or my brother. I kind of sat there dumbfounded because she was the one putting the most pressure on me as far as living arrangements. She then went so far as to say that I'm only thinking about one area in particular because it's close to Teddy. I let her know that I liked the area I'm looking in before I even met Teddy. In fact, Toot and I went looking in that neighborhood back before I even met Teddy.

On the school front, I'm really excited that it will be starting school. I will need to come up with some type of schedule so that I make adequate time to study. When I think about the possibilities that an advanced degree could bring me, the future looks a lot brighter.

I've also been trying to watch what I eat, I'd love to drop some weight and fit comforably in my clothes again. I've joined a challenge with S23 that motivates me, even when I don't always make the best choices, I keep at it. Life is slowly, but surely beginning to move for me.

Apartment Hunting

2010-08-10T18:23:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend Teddy and I went apartment hunting. I will be living solo, just in case that first sentence was misleading. He was a great tour guide, showing me around different neighborhoods.

I fell in love with one apartment that we visited. The apartment was by the water and was luxury at it's finest. One downside to luxury living is the price tag, lol! How could you not love a place that had Mimosas?! The other downside was that it was very far from work and I'd have to cross a bridge every day during the commute. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I have an acute case of road rage, so that won't work.

One horrible apartment reeked of curry even though there were two air fresheners plugged in the wall. This same apartment had stairs that were crumbling and trash all over the courtyard. Needless, to say, that apartment won't be hearing from me.

The next stop was also bad for a multitude of reasons. The major issues at the apartment included appliances from the 70s and the complex had 750 units. This time around I decided I want to live in a smaller apartment community with the hopes that I won't have to deal with some of the issues I have right now.

The final apartment we saw is the one I'm almost sure that I want. This complex only has 200 units and they know all their residents by name. The leasing agent also made some cookies called snicker doodles. I had never heard of these cookies but they were very good, I didn't overdo it, I only ate two. The atmosphere at the apartment was very serene and they are running a special, which would mean I'd pay $75 less a month than my current apartment.

We have plans to go to one more area this weekend and then I'll make my decision. I hate moving, as I've done it every year since 2004, but I've never been so ready to leave an apartment as I am now!

Decision Made

2010-08-08T11:48:00.000-07:00

.....I've been accepted to the MBA program that I had my heart set on!! I'm SO happy! I told you all how I had been feeling about being stagnant with life.

I want to make the best of this next step in my life. I plan to study and learn like never before. If anyone has any tips, I'm open to suggestions. In undergrad, I'd find that I had read something but when it came to retaining the information, I came up short.

I shared the news with my parents and both were very excited for me. I hadn't told them that I was applying, just in case I didn't get the outcome I was after. My sister and Teddy were both very happy for me. He thinks it is so great that we will both be taking classes this semester. My sister truly has been my #1 supporter in this. She helped me in so many ways, including going to the school I received my Bachelors from and got transcripts for me.

Thanks to all of you who cheered me on while I prepared for the GMAT! I'm going to GRADUATE SCHOOL!!!!

You Sit Down All Day

2010-07-29T18:54:00.000-07:00

Work has been hell on earth. I am now on day eleven of work. I have never worked eleven straight days in my life. I'm almost used to this zombie-like trance I'm in. I blast my music when I'm in the car to stay alert. I left the other night at 8pm, although I'm supposed to get off at 4:30 and of course my coworker commented on how I was leaving before the group. I want to point out though, that this same coworker comes in at 9:30, so technically, she should stay later than I do anyway.

I was talkin to Teddy yesterday morning and I yawned as he asked me how I was doing. I replied that I was alright, but exhausted. He then went on to ask me why and I went in on him. I decided to reiterate to him that working so many days in a row takes a lot out of you. The next five words that came out of his mouth were like profanity, "you sit down all day." I went off on him, I wanted to say even more than I did but I had to talk myself down. He went on to say that it's not physical like his job. I yelled at him challenging him to tell me that my job wasn't mentally draining, who cares if I sit down in a chair?

I guess he got the point because he backed down from the conversation. I have always been annoyed by folks who comment on those ofo us with desk jobs, like we do nothing. Sometimes I wish I had a job that I didn't have to really use my mind much to get through the day. I hope for Teddy's sake that he never, ever, ever, says anything like that to me again.

Time Escapes Me

2010-07-23T19:32:00.000-07:00

I took the GMAT and it was very difficult. I am awaiting to hear from the graduate schools I applied to. There has been no drama at my apartment, other than lightening striking my next door neighbor's outlets and blowing a fuse at her apartment.

Things on the workfront suck at the moment. My office flooded and I had to move to a conference room with a coworker whose office was also flooded. It is also budget time at my job, which means overtime. The only problem with the additional hours is that I'm salaried so I am just getting comp time. I have to work both Saturday and Sunday, this weekend and next.

My family is good, my sister and little brother both now want to move here. The only problem with this is that they both want to live with me. My plan was to use a roomate locator service to help me find a roomie so that I can start building a savings. My sister confronted my idea saying, "you'd rather live with a stranger, than me?" The answer to that question is yes. The reason behind that is not only because she isn't clean, but because of her huge, disobedient dog.

There isn't much else going on with me. Momma Teddy and I have plans to go see the new Julia Robert's movie next month. Oh yeah!! My BFF married Miltary Man. I talked to her today and they are planning to start trying for a baby the next time they see each other, since they are in two different countries at the moment.

I guess I will get ready for bed since I have to be at work at 6am. I hope everyone is well.

Rude Awakening

2010-06-15T19:16:00.000-07:00

The other night I was awakened by a man yelling. It took me a minute to fumble for my glasses and process what was going on. “I want my money mf-er!” Startled, I froze as I attempted to figure out where the shouts were coming from. “Man, I’m not playing with you, give me my shit"

I looked out my bedroom window to see that the noise was coming from the apartment across the way from mine. As the guy continued to yell, he grew more upset, his tone getting louder and his body language shifting. Immediately, I decided to call the police because I didn’t want the situation to escalate any further. It sounded as though thunder was in the sky as he pounded on the door.

The 911 operator asked me a million questions, including my name and phone number. What happened to the days of anonymity? I wondered. As I answered the numerous questions the operator threw out, the man pulled the screen off the window of the apartment. I sat there wondering what was next and how many more questions I’d have to answer in order to have the police dispatched. She asked my cross streets and if my apartment had a gate code. I told her that it did and she asked me the code. How should I know, I wondered to myself, I have a gate pass, I never use it… I had the code in my cell phone so I went to the password keeper on my phone.

I had my eyes glued on the guy and that apartment the entire time and I had finally got my passwords to give the dispatcher the gate code when the man kicked in the front window and ran in the apartment. At that point, all I heard was a woman screaming at the top of her lungs. I panicked at that point and told the operator to hurry because I had no idea what he was doing to her. She asked me if he had a weapon and I said not that I could tell.
Next, he came out of the apartment with a cell phone and threw it over the balcony and went back inside. A couple minutes later he emerged from the apartment in an angry rage. The dispatcher asked me to describe him and as I told her what he had on, I noticed that he was barefoot. After the commotion was over another young guy runs from the apartment, continuously looking over his shoulder.

The operator was finally finished with the inquisition and said that officers would be there shortly. Next, I called Teddy talking a million miles a minute waking him from his sleep, telling him what had been going on. As always he made me feel better, my heart had been racing the entire time. Of course by the time that the police arrived, the guy was gone. The police spoke to the woman who lived in the apartments and picked up fragments from the busted phone on the sidewalk.
The girl’s family members eventually arrived and I tried to do my best to get some rest since I had to work in the morning. Saying that I can’t wait to move is a huge understatement.

Over My Head

2010-06-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm in over my head. I've tentively scheduled myself to take the GMAT a little over a month from today. I have dabbled in the review books but now is the time to crack down.

I opened one review guide I had yet to look over and felt like it was written in Japanese. I have never been too good at taking standardized tests and this test is so overwhelming. The thought of sitting for hours solving word problems that look like paragraphs has me petrified.

I know that the only thing that I can do to prepare is to study. When I was online earlier looking at the GMAT site, they stated that most people study between three to six months! I'm only giving myself a solid month, what am I doing?!

My plan is to register tomorrow so that I can get the date I need next month. The grad school application deadline is August 1st so it's pretty much take the test next month or wait yet another year to attempt starting grad school. I have been putting off this test for years and wasting time.

I have to put myself on a schedule and buckle down. I can't see letting another year passing me by, I feel so complacent just working.

Okay enough complaining, thanks for listening.

MY Sandwich!!

2010-06-04T07:38:00.000-07:00

This morning I came into work and put my fruit in the refrigerator. I try to not eat my breakfast immediately so that I have an even amount of time between breakfast and lunch.

Finally I was ready to go grab my milk that I had brought in the day before so that I could have my cereal. I frantically searched the refrigerator. I even had Double and OM come help me look, but to no avail, my milk was gone.

My next step was the office shakedown. I went office to office asking my coworkers had they seen my milk. There was fire spewing from my flared nostrils, how dare someone drink MY SHIT! No one would accept responsibility for taking my milk, although I saw it in there this morning and I knew it was there. I even asked my boss who said that if by chance it was in her trash that she had been set up.

Defeated, I headed to the cafe' in our building and grabbed a muffin. I went back to the kitchen to get a glass of water and that's where I ran into a coworker that hadn't been questioned. She asked was everything okay and I told her no becauase someone had drank my milk. Her next question was what was it in?

At that point I knew she was the culprit. She thought, that she too had brought milk in a water bottle and that she must have forgotten it was in there. I wanted to take her smiling face and smash it in as she nervously laughed from the irony that she thought it was hers.

My BFF told me not to get fired over drank milk! I know JUST how Ross felt!

One Too Many

2010-06-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

Friday I went out with the coworkers to have a delicious Mexican meal. I, however, forgot to tell Office Mom that I was going to be leaving the office later because I was going to follow our other coworker to the restaurant. OM was more than annoyed with me and decided to tell me so as I called her from my car.

I apologized to OM once I made it to the table and all was forgiven and we sealed the misunderstanding with a hug. We made it just in time to enjoy a couple drinks from the happy hour menu.

After a couple of margaritas, coworker, Let's call her Double, because she's two-faced, decided to tell me what kinda thoughts had been running through that huge forehead of hers. Just to recap, this is the same coworker mentioned here, well I tried to link the story but since it isn't working, I wrote about her on 12/17/09. So anyway, she let's me know that after having a little liquid courage she can know that she is tired of helping me with my problem areas.

I went off, asking her WHO THE F*&@ was I supposed to ask?! She had nerve to ask if I just cussed her. Hell yeah, I cussed you Double, I'm tired of your fake ass. I then proceeded to tell her that it is far and few between that I need her but on the off chance that I do, she should be willing to help me. She admitted that I do rely on her a lot less.

The evening went pretty much downhill from there. OM and Double ended up getting into it about something that Double confided in OM about. We left dinner just as a thunderstorm started to roll in. I made it home quickly and Double even called to make sure I made it to the right freeway.

I called Teddy to let him know I had made it home safely. It appeared that my buzz decided to kick in once I laid down in bed.I babbled for what felt like forever until I started dozing off. Teddy told me to get some sleep and he'd see me in the morning.

When we went to breakfast the next morning, Teddy informed me that I was "off the hook" the night before. Sadly, I could not remember all that I said. I kicked myself a couple of times Saturday as he mentioned several things I told him during my drunken stupor. Part of me wanted to know what all I said, but the other part said forget it.

Tidbits

2010-05-26T18:16:00.001-07:00

Time has once again managed to fly by without me posting. Quite a bit has happened since my last post.

I received a phone call from my old BFF who I wrote about here. To say that I was surprised to hear from her would be an understatement. We played catch up and she asked if I was still in the same apartment I was two years ago. I informed her that I finally moved to Texas. All she could say was wow, you finally did it. She asked how long and I told her almost eight months now. It seemed to bring her down a bit, knowing that I had been away so long and she had no clue, but then again, I could be reading way more into her reaction.

I met Teddy's mom. She was really sweet; we shook hands after meeting one Sunday at church. Later that afternoon after Teddy and I parted ways and I headed home, I received a phone call from him. He announced that he had news and asked if I wanted to hear it or if I'd rather wait until later. Well of course when someone says they have something to tell you, you want to hear it immediately. He told me his mom said she got a great feeling from me and she can tell that I am the one for him. I sat there silent for a moment, like wow, did she really?

I have seen her several times since then and now we're up to hugging. I made her a cake for Mother's Day that they both loved. Speaking of the cake, I found a store that is a Baker's Dream. I've always enjoyed baking so I am considering taking my past time and potentially turning it into something much more.

Things have been pretty quiet on the drama front for the most part. My little brother's wife, who is in Germany, has found a new boyfriend. She proudly shared her new love interest on FB and even changed her marital status as married to this new guy. My sister decided to check her about claiming a new husband while being married to our brother and informed her that "husband #4 is not a good look". Needless to say, my sister-in-law deleted and blocked my sister and I as well as all of my cousins.

My apartment life sucks at the moment. I have had to call management twice about seeing little bugs. You can call it a fear if you like, or flat out hate, but bugs and I do not get along. I can't wait to move out of this place.

Work is still the same. I was just assigned a new project last week all while still covering for my coworker on FMLA. My Work Mom informed me that another coworker that hangs out with us was talking about me with another colleague of ours. The same coworker had a birthday gathering for her daughter, on the evening that Teddy and I had plans. She actually had the audacity to ask if I was going to pick my man over her daughter's party. YES! Please tell me what I look like, blowing off my man for a woman who talks about me behind my back?

That is really all that is going on for me at the moment. I have been stalking airline websites to see if I can find a ticket home that won't cost me a kidney and a liver, no such luck yet.

I am hopeful that my free internet connection stays up so I can start posting more frequently.

Resentment

2010-05-03T19:36:00.000-07:00

Overworked and underpaid is how a lot of people feel and I happen to be one of those people. I feel bad for feeling this way, especially since getting this job was such a blessing. The thing is that ever since I found out that the woman in the position before me was hired on making 10K more than me, I have been resenting my heavy workload. I also discovered that the workload was redistributed when I started and I was given all the problem areas. The worst part is people that I interact with say, “well Previous Lady would do this for me and that”. I quietly think to myself that yeah, I bet she did, as much as she made she should have been doing all of that.

I also feel like they tack on more and more work every month. Maybe I’m just complaining but I don’t feel that way. During budget loading in March I was working from 7:30am-9pm. The worse part about the long hours is the fact that I’m salaried so no overtime. So you mean to tell me that I make way less than the previous person but I also have to work fourteen hour days?

These feelings have led me to start testing the waters in search of a different job. I’m not on the hunt like when I originally relocated but looking at my finances, which aren’t too great at the moment versus the stress that I face daily, I just want to see what is out there. I’ve considered getting a second job as a means of supplemental income but I don’t even have the time to work a night gig due to the hours I put in at work. I guess we shall see.

Growing Up

2010-04-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

I talked to one of my BFFs(Songbird) since elementary school last night. As we've gotten older the group of us have all remained close but as life goes, we don't talk as often as we did when we were younger. We all make it a point though to keep in touch and give updates about what is going on in our lives.

I got a text from Songbird saying that she wanted to catch up and asked when I'd be free to talk. I told her that on Tuesday I would be free and we made plans to chat then. Tuesday came and went and I didn't remember to late in the evening that we hadn't spoke. I texted her asking if the mishap in us talking was my fault and she said she had been awaiting my call.

So anyway, when I called her, we said our hello's and immediately, I asked what was wrong from her tone. You know how it is when you know someone and you can just pick up that something is up? That is the vibe I got from her. Her reply was nothing was wrong. So I pressed on asking well if nothing was wrong, then what was not-so-good? She said that she just wasn't feeling good. I asked her why and she replied because she's pregnant. She then told me that they are getting married and soon before she even starts to show.

I can't honestly remember a time I was so speechless as I was processing that news. She said hello repeatedly and as my lips moved, nothing came out. I told her that I needed a few minutes to get myself together. When I finally could muster up some audible sounds, I laughed and that turned to crying. I couldn't believe that all of this was happening so suddenly.

Songbird has been with her guy since the same time Teddy and I became official so this is why it took such a toll on me. Not only have I not met this guy but now she is having a baby with him and marrying him. It seems like I am missing everything with my friend's lives but I know it's a part of being an adult.

My other BFF that is with Military Man is planning to get married next month around the same time at the courthouse. They even joked with each other about how they may all be in the same room sharing vows mass-style.

I can't lie and say I'm not a bit saddened that two of my best friends will both be getting married in a courthouse and that I won't be there. I'm happy for Songbird because she is genuinely happy and she had discussed with me over a month ago that she felt he was the one. The jury is still out on the union between BFF and Military Man.

Idiot

2010-04-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

Today at work, I covered for two people who had the day off. One of the coverage duties included accepting deposits from other departments. I have to admit that having the responsibility of accepting money is my least favorite task.

A young lady from the Cashier's Office came at about nine a.m. Along with picking up our deposits, she informed me that she had cash for one of my coworkers and handed it to me in a money bag. As part of protocol, I went to copy the sheet detailing the amount of money I was giving to the Cashier's Office.

A few minutes after returning to my desk I prepare to take the money bag to the safe. This is when I ran into a problem...the money bag was missing. I walked back to the copy room thinking maybe I had taken the bag in there with me, but there was no such luck.

I returned to my desk and literally tore it apart. I retraced every step I made that morning and even places I didn't go. By the way, am I the only one who loses something and looks places you know the item can't be? I called and left a message for the pick-up person, explaining the money was missing.

While I had been away from my desk at a mandatory birthday celebration a voice mail had been left from her stating that she had placed the money bag in my hand. Hearing her message did nothing but frustrate me more because although I know she handed me the money, I knew that she left my desk after I did.

I called her again and she was conveniently at lunch. After getting a coworker involved in the search and a few workless hours passing, I decided to fess up and tell my boss what happened. I was instanty lectured about how I shouldn't have left the money unattended for even thirty seconds.

My next steps were to call the police and then send an email informing my department of the missing money. I decided I would attempt to call her one last time as a ditch effort. She again reiterated how she "handed" the money to me. I explained to her that after I returned from making a copy the money was gone and all she offered was "oh."

I asked her to check and make sure that she didn't accidently pick it up. She said alright and returned to the phone a couple minutes later saying that she had found it at the bottom of her bag. After all the madness she had put me through searching for something she had the entire time, she offfered no apology. I told her I had to go so I could call the police back. She actually had the nerve to say, "you called the police over that?"

I hate idiots and she fits the entire definition of the word. I'm thinking about reporting her but I haven't decided yet.

Spill the Beans

2010-04-13T20:12:00.000-07:00

I hate sharing! Not literally, but sharing my feelings. I'm pretty sure that a lot of it has to do with how I was raised. While my family was close, some things we just didn't talk about. We showed love to one another but rarely used the term, "I love you."

For this reason, it has been a true task communicating certain things when it comes to relationships with people. Up until this point, it never seemed to matter to anybody I was in a relationship with. Teddy came along and changed things up in my life.

He has this thing about being open and honest. Now before anyone side eyes me, I believe that healthy relationships thrive on communication and honesty. My problem is that he likes to discuss the past a lot. While I understand the past helped us to get where we are, because of not-so-good memories, I don’t like harping on the past. Teddy wants to discuss every single minute detail of the past. I just can’t see why he would like to know everything.

I have been trying to disclose some things I’ve hidden way back in my closet. I do this because I want my relationship to flourish. Another reason I don’t mind trying is because he isn’t accusatory or judgmental, he genuinely wants to know all of me. There are some things I’ve told him that he could have easily thrown up in my face in the heat of a heated conversation, but he never goes that route.

Over the weekend, we had a ridiculous incident concerning Crazy-mf-ass-Kelley that could have ended us for good, but instead he stepped up to the plate like a real man and was there in full effect to support me. I am a very, very lucky woman.

Flashing Light

2010-04-10T06:30:00.000-07:00

So I'm almost certain I just got caught by the stoplight camera. I was trying to make it through a light and by the time I noticed it was too late my options were stick out in traffic or go. I went for it and that's when I saw the light flash. I'm sure when I get the picture and ticket in the mail, the picture will have me shown with my mouth wide open. It flashed as I went under and I thought "well I'll be damned!"

Now I just sit and wait for them to mail me the ticket. I heard from coworkers it takes a few weeks. I wonder if I'll get points on my license for this? What happened to the good old days of police having to actually pull you over to issue a ticket? I think police nowadays have it too easy! Lol!

And Then There Were Two...

2010-03-29T15:32:00.000-07:00

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am in a relationship now.I know, I didn't foresee that happening any time soon either. You guys will never guess who it is, are you thinking? Hmmm....obviously it is someone you'd know of....Give up??? Teddy!!!

Trust me; I was just as surprised as you. Back in January, he texted me out of the blue, apologizing for what happened. He asked how I was and wondered if I'd ever moved to Texas. I replied telling him I was fine and matter-of-factly, let him know that I did move.

I had mixed emotions about the whole situation. I expressed to you all that I liked him and how he vanished. I was upset with him but at the same time, curiosity had gotten the best of me and I wanted an explanation. After we texted a bit that afternoon, he asked me to call him. The conversation that evening was as dry as six month old fruit cake. I knew that my attitude was funking up the call, but at that point he was just asking me questions and not offering up any explanations.

Time went on and we began to get reacquainted with each other. The conversations eventually made their way back to how they were before his disappearing act. After a couple of weeks, he asked if he could take me out. I agreed and we made plans to spend a Saturday afternoon together.

Saturday came and I was nervous as ever. What would he think of me? Would he like me? Would I like him? All types of questions were running through my mind. Thing was, although we started talking early last summer, we had never actually met in person, so the pressure was definitely on my shoulders.

I had agreed to let him pick me up, but I wasn't sure I wanted him to know which exact apartment was mine, so I told him to wait in the car and I'd be down shortly. He showed up fifteen minutes early and I was not ready so he just had to sit out there and wait.

I got to his car and got in and hugged him. He smiled a warm smile and said hello and we headed out for our afternoon of fun. First, went bowling. He had bet me that I wouldn't win a game and if I did he'd take me to the mall, a place that he loathes. I'm happy to report that I won a game and the mall was our next outing of the day.

Teddy was the perfect shopping buddy that day. He held my bags, gave his opinion on a few things I tried on, all without one complaint. If he was trying to win brownie points with me, it was surely working.

Our last stop was dinner at a quaint little Italian restaurant. We had a little table in the back of the restaurant, although I still think they put us back there because we were the only black couple there. Okay, I’m getting off track, so back to the story. Over our shared appetizer, he asked me if I was having a good time. I told him that I was and had no idea how the night would go. He said he had been nervous because of how he left things with us; he was unsure of how I’d act on our date. I assured him that I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with him, just to get him in public and embarrass him.

Once our meal arrived, he slowly but surely began to tell me what actually had been the cause of things ending with us. To pretty much sum things up, he began to doubt if he was good enough for me. Past relationships really did a number to his feelings and seeing as though I’d been through the same thing, I forgave him. The fact that he was man enough to apologize and actually admit his insecurities spoke volumes to me.
After that night all the feelings I had for him came rushing back. The hardest part for me when we stopped talking was wondering why things ended considering we got along so well. Things with us are better than I ever imagined before I moved here. We have the best time when we’re together, even if it’s just staying in for the day. I truly feel like in him, I have my soul mate.

I know this is all extra mushy and sometimes I still can’t believe I even feel this way, but I do. I’ve never actually been in love with someone, in a healthy relationship. I am truly thankful that I put my ego aside that day and replied to his text and more so that I agreed to go out with him. It’s funny that you never know what is in store for us, but I am happy that they came together like they did.

So far Teddy has met my sister and I am supposed to meet his mom soon, please keep me in your prayers! Lol!

As for my blogging, I promise to do better. I missed you all!

All in the Name of Being Legal

2010-02-18T06:33:00.000-08:00

So according to the law down here, you're supposed to obtain a driver's license before sixty days. You'd think that would be plenty of time but it actually slipped away pretty fast.

When I first got down here I was staying in temporary housing. When I finally found a place and got a different job, that was when I had the wisdom tooth issue. After that there never seemed to be time because like most new jobs, there was a probationary period that you couldn't take time off.

My first attempt at getting my driver's license ended after waiting in line for an hour only to be told that I needed an original birth certificate in order to apply. I told the woman I checked the website and I didn't see where it stated I needed a birth certificate. Her response to that was yeah the website is very confusing but it's on there. I left the office mad enough to choke somebody.

I had left a nice amount of my paperwork up north with my mom so she had to mail me my birth certificate. Now she mails me my bills express mail, but my birth certificate she sent regular snail mail. It finally arrives in the mail and I plan to go at some point during the week.

I got lucky when my training class let out early which meant I could head to the Driver's License office. You'd think that there wouldn't be so many people there at 1:00 on a Wednesday afternoon. Oh well, I had to suck it up and get in line.

After standing in line 45 minutes, I produced all the paperwork the woman asked for and felt like I had accomplished a small victory. She directed me to another lady who handed out numbers and after securing my number I went to finally have a seat.

Two hours came and went and I felt like a lottery winner when my number was called, I practically sprinted from my seat. The office didn't accept any type of credit/debit cards just cash and checks. I had my BFF check the website to see how much a new license would cost me and after looking around my car for a $1 in change I had the exact amount $24.

The lady ahead of me was taking forever and the processor in another line took pity on me and said I could step to her counter. I gave her all the paperwork and after her typing a word a minute, she finally had all my info stored into the computer.

"That will be $25," she said. My face was so flushed, you'd have thought I wasn't black. I asked her to repeat that and again she said $25. I leaned in whispering that I thought it was $24. She said yeah it was until about two weeks ago, we got new computers so it went up a dollar. I was screaming all kind of obscenities in my head. I quietly asked her if I could run to the car, to which she loudly asked "WHY?!"

I explained in my most hushed voice that I only had $24 on me. She told me to wait a minute and got up from her seat. She came back with a dollar and told me a story about how she was $1.64 short at Walmart last week and how embarassed she was. Two men in line behind her gave her enough to pay her bill and she wanted to pay it forward by helping me.

I thanked her and ran out of that office. I know that I'm next in line to pay it forward for someone else but man, was I embarassed!

The Charger

2010-02-08T21:22:00.000-08:00

So Kelley and I as I told you guys are done. But of course it wouldn't be complete without one last story. The last time that I had went to his place I left my wall charger there. I politely asked him if I could have it back and that is when the madness began.

First, he was in agreeance, said we could meet up and he'd give it to me after he was out of church that day. I told him that was fine and I made myself get up so that I'd be dressed and out already when he called. By nine o'clock that night, I realized he wasn't calling. He did later call that night saying that he fell asleep but I was on another call so I didn't answer. You were sleep ALL day? Whatever, I thought.

So he plays this game for a few days while I'm attempting to recover my charger from him. Finally, I grow tired of playing these games with him. I ask him to let me know when I can get my charger and he in true Crazy Kelley form acts psychotic. I decided to retype the texts, I can't paint a true picture, you have to see this for yourself.

CK-You're a joke! DUH!! How u gon ignore me? I'm trying to give you your property. You're too young for your memory to be as bad as it is! You were on a call when I called you...remember?

Me-Yeah that night, you said you'd call me after church.

CK-Ok. I didn't call you after church...but Icalled u and I texted u later! Don't even try it! So, u really don't have a point. Call me when u mature...cause right now, I can't deal with u.

(MIND YOU I HADN'T BEEN TALKING TO HIM ANYWAY, SO WHAT WAS HE TALKING ABOUT, NOT DEALING WITH ME....)

Me-So does that mean I can't have my charger?

CK-You can have your stuff.

Me-K

CK-After you gimme some.

Me-I may be immature, but I'm not dumb, you're psychotic.

CK-So u admit that ur a little immature? Its ok. Just try n keep it real.

Me-No, I don't admit that.

CK-I'm one person who tries to lift ur spirits when ur a lil down. Don't understand why you wanna give me a hard time? But its kool.

The texting stops and the next day he resumes.

CK-Hey do u want your charger?

Me-Yes

CK-I'll get it 2 u tdy

Me-Cool

CK-I'll bring it to u

Me-Ok, just tell me where

CK-I can bring it2 ur apart comp, or u can coe get it?

Me-How about I come after work

CK-Sure! Lol...boi I tell ya?

Me-What now?

CK-Nothin. Lol! I was tryin 2 bring it to ya. Cause if u come here, I'm a want to do sumtin.

Me-Hand it to me through the door

CK-Beat it! U trick

Me-WTF?!

CK-Lol...yo ass is straight phony. I did all that to see what was up with u! I know u don't want me to know where you live? I've given u chance after chance to be real with me, and u just won't. Cause you're not. U showed me u weren't reral when u flaked on me when I was hurt

Me-You have a lot of damn nerve, I know that. You and your games are childish and you're older than me. I expected more from someone your age.

CK-Im tird of u taking my niceness for granted! But that's what I get for trying. So, don't worry, I won't contact u again.

Me-Whatever, no one used you nor took you for ganted. You want everything your way and have from day one and that's not how life works.

CK-Now u going to tell me how life works? Ok? Get on out there and you'll see soon enuff??

Me-Yea, I'm telling you. No idea why you call yourself mad and at this point I honestly don't care. You have disrespected me and I don't care to even bother arguing with you. And furthermore, if keeping my charger will make you feel vindcated, then f--- you, keep it, I'm not about to beg you for my stuff.

CK-Lol...ok u win. Now come gimme some, so we can make up!

Me-Go f--- yourself, psycho!

That was the last I heard from him, can I just say once again, that I'm so glad I never told him where I lived!

Mr. Squid

2010-02-01T11:48:00.000-08:00

So I had a date last night with a guy who was more like a water dwelling, multi-legged creature. He tried his best to make sure at almost every minute possible he was touching me in some shape or form. I've mentioned before that I LOATHE people that are like this. This was ony date number two and he kept trying to put his paws all on me. The first date he was so nervous he barely made eye contact, now that he elevated to night number two, I guess he decided he could be himself.

So Sunday morning, the day of or proposed date, he texted me at 5am talkin about good morning. There is nothing good about 5am, so why are you texing me? I never replied because when I finally did get up I was running behind for church. When I got out of service he had texted me again at 9ish. I replied saying hello. His response was that he was starting to get scared since he hadn't heard from me all day Saturday. Yeah, you didn't hear from me because I told you I had plans.

We met up at Dave and Busters and the plan was that we were gonna play pool. Now our plan had been made earlier in the week and we texted randomly thrughout the week. He tried asking me Friday night if I wanted to see a movie Saturday but I informed him that I already had plans. Well pool turned into eating dinner which turned into him buying a gamecard without even asking me if I wanted to play any games. The pool game wouldn't have been complete without him trying to come behind me and instruct me how to hold the stick. Then after we were done eating he literally pushes my back from the chair so that he can put his arm behind me and starts trying to massage my shoulders, right there in the middle of the pool area!

Finally we used all our game credits and you'd think ok, we'd call it a night right? NOPE! HE wants to just sit in the game room and lay his head on my shoulder. I sat there as long as I could and then I told him it was about time for my tv show to come on, so we'd better get going. His response was that he didn't care about my tv show, then tried to laugh it off.

It's a safe bet that I won't be going out with him again.

Crazy Kelley

2010-01-21T05:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you can tell by the title how this post is going to go. So after the dinner incident, Kelley still remained in contact with me. I even let him convince me to go out to a restaurant. I don’t know why, so don’t even ask.

We drove separate because again, he had something to do before we met up even though he lives less than five minutes away but I'd probably have suggested driving myself anyway. So we meet up at the restaurant and you'd think I was out with a celebrity, he knew so many people there. I was indifferent on how I felt about him chatting it up with everyone while leaving me just standing, waiting to place our order before we sat down.

One guy he knew looked like he had been mummified for the past ten years, really odd-looking. Kelley explained that although his appearance wasn't the hottest that he man was really nice. Mummy man went on to explain to me that he had just went on a date with a woman who said God told her she'd be married at the end of the year. He said that the comment freaked him out because his wife died just three months ago and he was just looking to have fun. When he noted that he was still mending his oh-so-broken heart, he pointed down to his chain and showed me that he wears his and her rings around his neck. I did the whole smile and nod thing and excused myself from the rest of the conversation. I did overhear Kelley tell him he'd find a woman for him.

We finally placed our order and Kelley went to locate a seat while I waited at the bar for my drink. In the meantime he found a chick that he knew and started giggling it up with her. He gave me a brief story about how he introduced her to one of his friends and they ended on a not-so-good note.

The young lady ended up sitting at the table directly behind us, about arm length away. I know it was that close because Kelley kept turning his chatty ass around to talk to her and her date every few minutes. I swear her date got up from the table at least three times and each time, either she or Kelley started talking to each other. By this point, I wanted to excuse myself but I patiently waited for him to finish talking and eating.

After the restaurant, Kelley had a plan that included me spending the night, because he stated that he had plans for me in the morning. I let him in on the fact that I had plans for me too. His plans included him taking me to the gym to work out in the morning. This was the second time he mentioned the gym to me, stating that if I'm going to be with him, I need to get with the routine.

I decided to go to his place to watch a movie and after about ten minutes he gets a call and he's in his bedroom laughing and having a great time. He told the person that he didn't hear his phone ring and how he just walked in the door, even though he was on his cell phone. I told him I was leaving and he still stays in the room finishing up the laugh fest. I finally got the door unlocked myself and he comes running out. He starts hounding me asking me if I'll come back. I left his place and was homebound.

He calls me as soon as I pulled up to my apartment and decides if he talks to me long enough he'd lure me back over but there was no way that was happening. I told him I needed to use the bathroom and that I'd call him back. He insists that I mute the phone instead of ending the call. After arguing about it for a few minutes I put the call on mute and never went back to it.

Kelley started to call and send texts, letting me know how mad he was but at that point, I didn't care anymore. His last text said that he wouldn't ask me to spend the night again. I hope he is true to his word and that he never calls me again. Farewell, Crazy Kelley.

Dinner Plans...Gone Wrong

2010-01-14T09:46:00.000-08:00

I met this guy, Kelley, whose a bit older than me a couple weeks ago. He actually tried to "rock" me as he had his arm around me. Do you have a newborn somewhere sir? I am not a baby. He goes on to say, "Oh sorry, I used to rock my daughter like that." Yuck!! Are you thinking about your daughter while I sit here, that's...kinda....gross!

He decided to catch an attitude with me the other day and I actually found it quite funny. We made plans to hang one day and he said at the end of the conversation but don't make plans because I may be able to still see you today. That was the end of the convo. Fast forward to that night and I'm on the phone and watching tv. At one point I heard a beep indicating I had a text and realized I had three texts waiting.

The texts were all from him and he started off asking was I still coming. Um, when did we agree that I was coming over? The next text said "So..... Then the final text said "nevermind then." I wrote him explaining that I was on a call and hadn't gotten the messages and that I wasn't ignoring him. He disagreed saying it felt like that to him. "Yeah okay," I thought. Now by this time it's like 10pm.

So I guess he figured that since I replied, it was dialogue time. He again asked if I was STILL coming when again, we never decided I was. I politely told him we never agreed to it. Then I told him that we could keep with our original plans for tomorrow and asked if that was okay. His response, "Yeah, it's okay. But, I'm gonna pass on tomorrow. I don't like how you handled me."

I just sat there like what the hell just happened here?! So being the sarcastic person that I can sometimes be, I replied, "ok." All that did was add fuel to the fire, he instantly calls me saying that I didn't have to reply to that. Well mister, if you didn't want a response you shouldn't have said anything smart. Then he goes on to explain that he was upset because he had made me dinner and I didn't show up. My thing is, how was I supposed to know you made dinner? He response was that is what surprises are! How do you plan a surprise though when the person doesn't even confirm they're coming?

I declined leaving the house and coming over for his meal. He said "well let me go put all this food away." I just said "alright." I still haven't decided if he is crazy or just made about the effort that he put forth for the dinner plans that went wrong.

Sometimes I Miss Her

2010-01-06T19:54:00.000-08:00

My junior year in high school I made a friend that I thought would be around forever. We were going strong for nine years until it was time for her to get married. The entire time we'd known each other she was back and forth with the same guy. They eventually had a baby and several years later he proposed to her after breaking up too many times to count.

The breakups were never easy and in fact were always drama-filled. I will never forget one time she called me so upset that she couldn't talk. I jumped in my car, running every possible light I could to get to her. When I got there I found out that he had choked her until she was nearly unconscious. She had his hand marks embedded in her neck as evidence of an argument gone wrong. He had also threatened to cut her hair which went halfway down her back. I was so upset that I cried with her. I called her sister and she thanked me for coming to her aid and gave my friend instructions for what to do if her boyfriend came back. Wouldn’t you know it, a few months go by and she takes him back?

Another breakup included him meeting women on the internet and hanging out with them. One girl in particular was always writing on his page and my friend decided to do some investigating and found info out on the woman. Needless to say, an hour later we were at the apartment of the woman and of course she asked me to drive so that her boyfriend didn’t know her car. It was a very dumb idea to drive her to the suburbs to catch her man cheating. The apartment complex had a guard at the gate and my friend panicked when he asked us who we were going to see and said that he had to call her to announce us. She told the guard no thanks and he politely instructed us to turn around and leave the apartment complex.

By the time we made it back to her house the boyfriend had called to say the guard informed them that a car fitting the description of my car had tried to come to the apartment he was at. His explanation for being over the woman’s house was that because she was a singer and he was a wanna-be producer, there was a legitimate reason to be at her apartment. Again, months go by and he’s back in good with her. But the drama with the other woman isn’t over, she goes to her page and writes how they’ve been together forever and she will always be around and how they have a child together, blah, blah, blah.

There were many more stories I could tell you all but the final story is the most important. My friend found out via phone log stalking that her boyfriend-turned-fiancé had been spending late nights talking to someone on the phone. Was it a surprise that this person turned out to be a woman? I hope not if you are still following the story.

Anyway, she called the woman on the phone and they decided to meet. They met up and the woman told her about how her fiancé had been over several times and even showed my friend a picture he and her had taken a few weeks back. Hearing this story to me sounded like the last and final straw. I thought he was the epitome of scum to cheat while they were participating in marriage counseling at the church.

It was very clear that although he was cheating a month before their wedding that the show was still going on. She had asked me not to tell her family what he had been up to and all I could do was oblige her wishes. When she originally started planning for the wedding she wanted me to stand up as a bridesmaid but at the time I had undergone testing and interviewing working for the government in Virginia and didn’t want to commit to a wedding and was unsure of when the potential job may call.
His latest indiscretion was eating me alive and I flat out asked her why she was still marrying him. Her response was that she believes in divorce and if it didn’t work that she would just divorce him. That comment was by far the dumbest thing she ever said to me.

I attended the bridal shower and wedding bringing the biggest gifts to both events. I even help set up the centerprieces since the hall was slacking and running very much bhind. Things were never really the same after that. In the beginning I was really hurt that our friendship wasn’t right and now we don’t talk at all. The sad part is that I feel she stopped talking to me because I wasn’t in her wedding. It’s not like I just said no, I didn’t want to leave her in a bind if I had to suddenly relocate.

She an I no longer communicate. I was her son’s Godmother. I think the part that bothers me most is that through all he did to her I was there. She took him back continuously after cheating on her and can’t let go of something that was out of my control.

It should come as no surprise that six months later they were separated and she was posting pictures with random guys on FB. Since that they have gotten together only to separate again. I have no idea their marital status at this point and seeing as though we’re no longer friends, it really isn’t my business. Sometimes I miss her but I’ve tried reaching out to her and it never seems to get us any closer to rebuilding our friendship, it’s more of a conversation of what’s been happening and empty promises to see me soon. Losing a friend is never easy but I’ve decided our season is over.

2010

2010-01-03T03:17:00.000-08:00

I'm writing from the airport while I await to board my flight back home. The first thing that I want to say is although I'm really going to miss my loved ones I am not going to miss this five degree weather. This is the kind of cold that literally chills you to your bones!

My visit was fantastic. I had an opportunity to see everyone that I wanted to visit. I stayed with my sister the entire visit minus nye that I spent with the bff. He and I rang in the new year together and I was happy we got to continue our tradition. We talked about a few things that may happen that pertain to he and I this year. According to about 99% of my FB friends, this will be the greatest year yet and I am certainly looking forward to what is in store for me.

Oh I know you guys heard about the clown that tried to blow up the airport! The craziest part is on my way home the police arrested a man on my flight headed here. I was SO thankful that the flight landed safely despite his horrific attempt.

I made some resolutions that I'd like to see happen this year. They are to get my finances in order, which includes paying off two credit cards. I want to take a cruise with the family, work on my relationships, find and join a new church and to work on this book I've been writing for over three years.

One more thing, why has everyone coined the term of 2010 "let's get it"? That phrase is very annoying. Well I am going to gather my things to get ready to board my flight, let's hope this goes smooth!

Home For Christmas

2009-12-23T20:21:00.000-08:00

I'm washing clothes as I type, preparing for my trip home. I have to admit I'm getting excited to see evryone but just dreading the snow. I'm happy to be seeing the bff/ex, I've been in need of a good hug and not the kind my boss gave me today, awkward? Yes!

Coworker is taking me to the airport tomorrow. As I was leaving she advised me to not panic and call her tomorrow and that she WILL be coming to get me. I said uhhhh okay then.

One of my BFFs sinvce elem school reunited with an ex boo from colege and now she wants to follow him to another country, he's military. We(group of 5 since gradeschool) all wonder what's the urgency behind her uprooting her life for this guy she just reconnected with. I'm hoping to meet him tomorrow night to see what jas her thinking about giving up her life to go to a foreign place with him. I just want the best for her so hopefully he's a nice guy.

I have a couple errands in the morning including Walmart, I plan to go as soon as I wake up, I hate the long lines there! I also thought I'd fill you all in on my one of my creepy neighbors. There are two of them in my complex but one lives directly across the way from me. I always see him lurking in the windows. He keeps his blinds open all day and night and that creeps me out even more. He feeds stray cats and gawks, I wish he would be creepy with closed curtains!

I'm hoping to not have a blog-worthy story tomorrow for my flight home. If not, I'd like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

Coworker and Then Some

2009-12-17T19:13:00.000-08:00

Work has been extremely busy this week. It seems that by the time I get training from a particular coworker it is about time for me to get off. I'm torn, don't know whether to just stay late or what. This same coworker said to another coworker that I'm "timid" when it comes to dealing with the departments that I'm responsible for. I was trying to be cool until I made probation but okay, you want the real me, fine, so I sent an email out to my departments, letting them know my office protocals which includes them having a seat in the reception area rather than standing over my shoulder. This same coworker was used the word "timid" said that my email was "too harsh!" Make up your mind lady!

I let my new office mom talk me into doing a public access cable commercial. I have yet to see it nor am I sure if I want to see the commercial. This woman has been just like my mother since
I got there and she followed me an hour into this corn country town to sell my old car to this lonely old man. She calls and bbm's me to make sure I got home and always wants to know the business, just like my mother.

I still can't believe that Christmas is eight days away. The reason it may not seem like the holiday season is because I'm used to snow around this time and here, there is no snow, just a low 45, which I love.

They say everything is bigger in Texas, that is all I hear. They also use that to desribe eating fatty foods. I told one of my girl BFF's today that I think they feed me so much because they're fattening me up to cook me! Seriously, I don't know if it is because I started around the holiday season or what but there always seems to be food/desserts in the office. When I went home for Thanksgiving, my fail had too many comments about how thin I had gotten, they won't have that complaint this time.

Hopefully I will finish my last minute Christmas shopping this weekend. I still have the ex/bff, coworkers, to whom I'm thinking I will bake for, also I want to get my sis another gift. My thirteen year-old neices asked for skinny jeans, so I will attempt to get those and will probably just give my nephew cash.

Am I the only last minute shopper?

Grrr..

2009-12-13T18:41:00.000-08:00

I've tried posting about the BFF's visit for the past half hour and Blogger is just working my nerves. I will just talk about my weekend and attempt to share his visit later.

This was a very busy weekend for me. I'd like to say one of the busiest weekends since I've been here. Guess what everybody! I went to a movie alone today! It was so liberating. I saw A.rmored and I really enjoyed it. I also went to church today, the mall and T.arget.

When I got home I started on laundry and a bit of cleaning, although it won't all get done today. Wanna hear something messed up? I bought a bottle of wine from the store that I was going to have with a bag of popcorn as dinner. Why oh why did I bust it as I got it out of the car?! If anyone happened to look out the window at that very moment, they would have saw a grown woman having a temper tantrum. I was so freaking mad but all I could think of was that must mean I wasn't supposed to have it.

I've been doing so much thinking lately. Thoughts all over the place. I am so sure some has to do with the new year upon us, I attribute the other portion to the fact that I'm in a new place and thinking about the unknown.

I had a real fear of the unknown when I was younger but this move has definitely taught me that when it is all said and done, as long as I'm obedient, I will be taken care of. I have been thinking about relationships a lot too. It's like I know that I want a husband and kids, but then I think of all I will be giving up. I cherish the little things, like being able to have the temperature in my place on the setting I want. I think about knowing that what is in my refrigerator when I leave for work will be there when I get off. I think about being able to come and go as I please now and how I will have to also let go of that.

Then all that thinking started to give me a headache so I pushed it aside for the time being. I have to say more than I am ready for a family, I actually have to be ready. There's a great guy in my life who wants all these things with me but at the same time it scares me.

This is too much thinking for a Sunday night. I hope everyone had a good weekend. With me not getting a signal at home the past couple of weeks, my blogging has been really scarce. I know that I need to just throw in the towel and subscribe but I didn't want to get cable/net and I haven't fuly furnished my place yet. But anyway, enough babbling.

December Already?!

2009-12-08T08:14:00.000-08:00

Where has the time gone folks? I'm not too sure myself. I'm sure you all saw that it snowed here. I felt like a cartoon character actually seeing it, picture a Looney Tunes character with bulging eyes! I swore I moved to get away from snow and here it was hitting us first. There was a plus to the snow, we got dismissed from work early and the freeways were so light, I actually made it home in record time.

I am just getting over a cold that my supervisor passed on to me, ever-so-graciously! I was in bed all weekend, you would have thought an old lady lived with me because it reeked of Vicks.

I'm pumped working on my resolutions for next year and I just need to write them down. As I have been seeing a lot of people say, I really think that 2010 will be a good year for me. Things have all started aligning to make the upcoming year being great a reality.

I have yet to really venture out and attend any places or events alone but I'm working on it. If its not dental issues, it's visitors or being sick but it is still on the agenda.

To those of you who go out alone, how do you prepare for an evening alone? Any tips would be appreciated.

The Visit Plus More

2009-11-23T19:37:00.000-08:00

Time has slipped away since I've gotten here. I wake up at 6am and get home around 6pm. Traffic has been the only con to my move, I thought NY traffic was crazy until..

My sister got in yesterday and my ex left Saturday. Our visit had both ups and downs but ended on a very good note. I'm still unsure of what is happening between us but I missed US.

Work has still been going well. Friday I was “reminded” of how great I am at Excel and I had to fish a formula out of the millions of possible options and surprised even myself with the perfect equation. I was sent four emails from a lady who decided that she would like read reciepts, there is something about agreeing to them that irks me.

I got my ex to assemble the tv that my apartment gave me as a part of signing my lease and it was defective. The chick at the leasing office was acting like a real snob about me getting a replacement set, I think she felt somehow it was coming out of her pocket. Nonetheless, they gave me a tv and it works perfect!

Last Sunday I went to church with a new friend that was introduced to me by S23. She was really nice and I got to meet some of her family and enjoyed breakfast together. I have been really blessed to continously meet people who go above and beyond to make my new home more enjoyable.

I will be catching up on blog reading this week, I feel so out of the loop!

Good Times

2009-11-11T17:51:00.000-08:00

The past few days have been a blur. Work has been going great. My entire office has been friendly, three different people welcomed me with a hug. Being that you all know I'm not the most affectionate person, I took the hugs in stride. The picture attached is what my supervisor made me. She actually admitted she went to "Clown College," but she did it to become a volunteer at different agencies.

We somehow got on the subject of cooking and I mentioned how I loved baking. I never made anything for my last office but the office I was in before working with the Dragon Lady was treated often to my hobby. I definitely intend on trying out a few new recipes I found on my new office.

One lady sees to it that I get home every night, she's so motherly. She has shared a lot about herself and her family as well as about different people in the office. I like that I don't feel like she's prying when she asks me about different things. Once I feel like someone is just being nosey and overwhelming me with questions, I basically do all I can to discontinue communication.

Hm...what else? Oh my ex that was also my bff and I reconnected. I got in touch with him a week before I came down here. We had a great week after we talked through a lot of issues and have been talking ever since. He is coming to visit me Friday and I'm excited. I'm not thinking anything into the future, we live hundreds and hundreds of miles away. It will just be nice to see him. I hope that I don't want to strangle him by the time he leaves after his week-long visit. It's been brought to my attention that I tend to show people inadvertently that they're getting on my nerves.

My sister will be getting in the day after he leaves. She will hang out here with me for the week and we fly back home together for Thanksgiving. Going from Eastern to Central time, then having Daylights saving has got my body all out of whack. I am trying to get adjusted to the timing because it seems just wrong going to bed at eight.

Since I've Been Gone

2009-11-03T12:38:00.000-08:00

I will try to keep this short as possible but a lot has been going on. So Saturday morning I dropped my dad off at the airport. I was going a bit stir-crazy being in the hotel with him for so many days but as the time neared for him to leave, I began to get sad.

As we approached the airport he gave me a talk of reassurance which he said that I would be blessed with this move and to always pay my tithes. He told me how proud I made him and how I'd succeed at anything I that I attempt. I tried not to cry but I couldn't help it. I got out the car and ran over to his side to hug him goodbye.

I hate to admit it but this daddy's girl cried the whole ride back to the hotel. I texted him thanking him again for driving down the 20 hours with me and for helping me drive and all the support.

I had gotten a sew-in weave and it had drove me crazy since the first night. I scratched until I couldn't scratch any more and decided to take it out. The reason I got the hair is because I didn't want finding a new hair stylist to be a pressing issue for me since I had so many other things to do to get settled in.

After getting my hair done I went to move the rest of my things into the dorm. I saw a couple of other women who were staying there, one white lady and two black women about my age. I spoke to them and they were so dry. The white lady actually offered to help me carry my things in so I gladly accepted her offer.

I went to orientation on Monday and thats when I found out that they don't allow cell phones and we could only wear certain colors. On top of that, we could only carry $2 maximum and we couldn't use umbrellas so I was forced to wear a poncho in pouring down rain. Although I knew working at a prison would come with restrictions, giving up my phone was the worse rule of all that was being thrusted upon me.

The men stared and made comments and I was even told by one of the employees that the men at my prison unit would "love me." That comment made my skin crawl. I met a lady who happened to live across the street from the dorm I stayed in and her offering to let me carpool turned into me driving her because her van suddenly broke. She insisted upon chatting the entire drive which included asking me 50 questions and telling me that her daughter wanted to be Michelle Obama for Halloween. The conversation ended on a quiet note when she said her husband advised against the daughter being Mrs.Obama because of all the Nazis in the area. That made me feel like wow, I have to wear my black mask every day, maybe I need to hurry and move.

Wednesday morning I woke up to excruciating pain and a swollen face. Turns out my wisdom tooth was the culprit. I drove to orientation slowly, trying not to focus on my tooth. A nurse in the class asked was I alright and I told her I wasn't feeling good, she pointed out my face being double the size on one side. They referred me to a dentist and I headed there. The dentist referred me to a specialist who quoted me a price of approximately $800 for the extraction.

Thursday I got a job offer from the company that I left two days early to come down here to interview for which was for a better position and higher salary. I was thrilled! I accpeted the offer. Now I had to come up with an explanation for quitting and find somewhere to live because I was pretty sure once you quit a place, they don't let you continue to use their perks like housing.

Friday I had a mission to find an apartment. Not only did I find one, but they offered a 32inch tv for signing the lease. I moved my things in Saturday and yesterday. I told the lady that recruited me that I would be resigning. She was in shock but was nice nonetheless. I also got my wisdom tooth pulled. I am on pain meds so that is how I am able to fill you guys in on what has been going on. I am trying to recover and take care of business before my new job starts Monday.

Finally!

2009-10-21T16:27:00.001-07:00

Hey Guys!!! I finally made it down to Texas. The drive was about 20 hours but I arrived safely. There is so much to do and I am making a list of what all that I need to get done.

My sister gave me a party Saturday and my friends and family came. I'm really going to miss them all but thanks to modern technology, I'm never too far away. I actually got really sad the last couple of days.

Well I am going to try to get a bit of rest, I'm beat. I will give you all more details soon!!

A Decade

2009-10-13T06:29:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been out of school for officially ten years now. This past weekend was our reunion weekend and I went to each activity that was held over the weekend. It was really nice seeing everyone, some people I hadn’t seen since graduation and some I could definitely go another ten years without seeing.

Friday night was bowling and I actually bowled a pretty good game. A couple classmates that I’ve known since elementary school showed up and it was nice talking with them. When it was just about time to go a fight ensued between two guys and the police came out in droves, at that point I decided it was time to go.

Saturday night was club night. We met at some hole in the wall that only had about twenty people when I arrived at about 11:00pm. The club had the nerve to have a $50 minimum if you were using your credit/debit card. I thought that was a huge joke, I’ve never heard of such a high limit being placed as a minimum.

There was a classmate of mine at the weekend’s festivities who was friends with Scott back when we were dating. It made me cringe to see him. He tried befriending me telling me stories about Scott and later asking me for my number. He kept asking me to go to breakfast after bowling but I wasn’t interested. So now back to Saturday. He called himself ignoring me at the club which was fine by me. Somehow during the night he made his way over to me, very much intoxicated.

I was talking to a guy I was friends with and had a crush on back in high school and here comes Drunky causing a scene. He literally hit the guy in the stomach I was talking to as he was reaching out to grab me from behind in the middle of my conversation. I was not impressed at all and I threw my elbow back into him while trying to regain my balance.

My crush was like wow, he was extra possessive and I asked around to see if you guys came together. I said no we didn’t and explained our last interaction was back in 2000 when I was dealing with Scott. Drunky did not get the hint and made it a point to come over a couple other times trying to dance.

We stayed at the club until closing and then my sister dropped me off at home. I turned my phone on silent as I do when I am really exhausted and don’t care to be disturbed. As soon as I hit the bed, I was out.

The next morning I woke up and Drunky had called me at 4am inviting me to the casino for breakfast, I was so glad that I had silenced my phone because he would have surely gotten cussed out.

One set of my girlfriends and I decided we’d have one last lunch together before my move. We had a nice time, we went to Benihana and the chef was taking forever playing with our food, I just wanted to eat. When I have a bit too much to drink I rarely eat so that meal at four was my first attempt at eating for the day. My friend tried convincing me that the only way to beat a hangover was to add more liquor to my system.

After eating we stopped and picked up a few groceries and each went our separate ways. I hadn’t decided if I was going to make it to the Class Dinner or not. I logged into FB and everyone was talking about getting ready so I made myself get ready as a final goodbye to ten years.

The hall that was rented was decorated in our school colors and they even had a huge 1999 balloon. There was catered food, an open bar and my favorite, cake. I decided to partake in wine as we toasted to friendship and those who didn’t live to make it to the reunion, one of my good friends was killed two years ago.

I was the first to leave the gathering and headed across the city to see someone I hadn’t seen in what felt like ages, more to come on that.

Another One Bites The Dust

2009-10-09T06:12:00.000-07:00

So I haven’t talked to Teddy since Saturday night. I’m no genius but I’m pretty sure that’s the end of him. I still haven’t the slightest idea what happened nor will I probably ever know the true story. I did what YW suggested, I called him and texted twice and I received no response. Making those communication attempts were huge steps for me so I honestly feel like I made an effort but he just didn’t reciprocate.

I decided to go with this story that I made up to close the chapter of us. He got a call from an ex-girlfriend that he messed around with right before I met him. Their talking had dwindled when he saw what a great catch I was. Well let’s get back to his ex-girlfriend. She called him up Sunday and told him that she was pregnant. He was shocked to hear that he had a child on the way but being the kind of person he is, he decided that he would work things out with her and plan their future together.

He was so torn up about his impending child and hurting me that he decided to just erase himself from my life completely. He told me from day one that he hates confrontation so disappearing was the only rationale option he could make.

I will miss our conversations filled with laughter. I feel that every man I have met lately has been a step up from the one before. I know that one day I will meet my soul mate and I will use all these experiences to cultivate a long-lasting relationship.

I know that this whole story may sound crazy but leaving things incomplete may hinder me from just shaking off that he’s no longer apart of my life. The thing is its not like I have a problem meeting men but it’s the quality ones that seem to be lacking. Oh well, back to the dating scene I go.

Knots

2009-10-05T08:58:00.000-07:00

I have knots in my stomach. I hate this feeling and whenever I have it my head is all over the place at the same time. I didn’t communicate with Teddy at all yesterday. This has been the first time since July that we haven’t spoken.

Our last conversation was Saturday night. I had called him after I attended my friend’s wedding reception and he was asleep. I asked him if he was watching tv and he said that actually it was watching him. So I said well then talk to you tomorrow. Yesterday came and went and nothing.

In the past, if someone goes MIA I just wait for them to resurface, they always do. This time, I could barely sleep last night wondering what was up. So I texted him this morning like I normally do and told him that I hope everything is going alright. Well he normally replies immediately to my texts but not today.

So now, I’m kind of confused as to what to do. I’ve learned in the past that if something like this happens, you worry thinking something may be wrong with the person. But I’ve found that 99.9% of the time, there’s nothing wrong with them at all and they’ve gone “missing” by choice. I kind of made it up in my mind that if I don’t hear from here either tonight or tomorrow that I will call him.

I already feel like I’m taking a big leap outside of my comfort zone by even reaching out to him since he hasn’t contacted me. I honestly just want to know that nothing is wrong. If he somehow decided that he didn’t want to talk any more than there’s nothing I can do about it. I just hate the knots in my stomach and not knowing.

What would you all do?

Day Off

2009-09-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

I am at home typing this post this chilly Tuesday morning. You see, I went in to work this morning and started running reports. My supervisor asked me if I had today off because she thought I did. I told her no, I had a few days off last week but not today.

About five minutes later she comes back saying that I had been suspended and asked if I had read the write-up they gave me. I told her no, I hadn't. So to be evil, they suspended me on a Tuesday rather than yesterday because why let me enjoy a 3 day weekend.

The joke was definitely on her, I said oh okay, laughed and packed up my things. Now I get to enjoy the comfort of home and take care of some business.

I got some not-so-great news yesterday. A job that I am contemplating accepting came back with a salary amount and I am very displeased. I'm not sure if I should just take it because its getting my foot in the door and it is a full time, permanent position or if I should just try to find temporary work so that I have time to look for other jobs.

It was suggested to me that I just keep doing what I have been and I've gotten two offers so far so there is a possibility that if I wait it out at my job a bit longer that I will find a better paying job and then I can relocate with ease. I'm not sure if its my determination or my disdain to stay at my job longer than I can tolerate.

At this moment, I have no idea what to do but I really don't believe that at the rate I'm going that I can last much longer at my job without getting fired or incarcerated.

Excitement

2009-09-28T05:40:00.000-07:00

I had a very long and tiring weekend. Two of my siblings had birthdays so this weekend was all about family. Teddy went to an away football game, so by the time he got in at 2am, I was knocked out. He did let me know he was home though, which I thought was nice.

I found myself really missing him Saturday. Sunday he texted me to see what I was up to but I was with family so I agreed to call him later. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and told him that I really missed not talking to him. He said that he missed me too. It felt liberating actually telling someone how I felt without the fear of losing myself.

So last night he got me really excited about this week. This will be the week that I officially give notice to clear out of here. It is going to be all sweet, no bitterness at all, well not on my part anyway. Any suggestions on what to say. I was thinking....

Dear Sup,
cc:Dragon Lady

I quit! My last day will be ________.

Trish

Do you guys think that's too wordy?

Just Die Already

2009-09-22T16:44:00.000-07:00

If you thought this post was about Dragon Lady and my supervisor then you're wrong, lol! No, this post is about the wretched gnats that won't die. I have bug bombed the house two times in the last month and they just won't die. I have flying insect spray that I use but it just seems to empower them to live longer, I have no idea how to be rid of these annoying suckers.

Before my brother came to stay here with me, I was gnat-free. Now all of a sudden, they just won't die. He leaves take-out containers on the table for days and just sits his dishes on the counter. I don't have to tell you that I can't wait to get the hell out of this house. The countdown is just about to begin.

He has been acting like a brat about the fact that he has to move out once I'm gone. If he was more responsible, he'd probably get more time here but he isn't, so he has to go. He's been here since July and hasn't bought one roll of tissue, one bar of soap, nor paper towel..see where I'm going with this?

I have began selling furniture and each time he comes home and notices something is missing he comments how soon he'll be sleeping on the floor. My next mission is to sell the stove, fridge and dishwasher.

He has less than a month to find a place and he is being picky about apartment complexes, stating that he doesn't want to "get shot". At this point, he will have a better chance of being shot if he is homeless because he's to saddity to settle for what he can afford now and let me just throw in that he delivers pizza for a living. Now, no offense to anyone who may deliver pizzas but his income is not at the level where he can pick and choose at this moment.

I took three days off work and today I spent 312 minutes on the phone with B.lackberry trying to get my new phone issues resolved. I pretty much wasted today but I took care of business yesterday and I will do a few more things tomorrow.

In A Relationship...

2009-09-14T08:15:00.001-07:00

So I'm sure this topic has been discussed in Blogland, maybe even by one you but I possibly missed it. This topic is in reference to FB relationship statuses.

The other night Teddy and I were talking about this topic and I wondered how you all felt about it. Personally, I have only been in a couple relationships since hitting the FB scene. I'm really private when it comes to everyone knowing all my business so I took off the relationship line totally.

When I was with this last Ex, he had originally wanted to put in a relationship but I talked him out of it and he deleted the relationship line totally as well. I was always reluctant to put up pictures of us because we had a lot of common friends and again, I didn't want the world looking at our relationship nor trying to cause problems.

After telling Teddy that I didn't put up pics of the Ex originally I began to feel bad about some of my actions with him. I'm thinking of asking him to lunch to talk before I leave for TX.

The next relationship I enter I am going to be more open to his feelings and needs. I realized that because I wasn't feeling my relationship with the Ex 100% I wasn't giving it my all and that wasn't fair to either one of us. Relationships are about compromise and trying to keep the other person happy without losing yourself. I believe that I have learned alot over this past year, I honestly feel like I've grown and I'm ready for this next phase in life.

When talking with Teddy he said he wasn't pressed about the whole relationship status either way. I thought that was a small sigh of relief, however we got into talking again about the posting of pics. My thing with that is that although you don't have it posted that you're in a relationship, if your constantly adding pics of the two of you together, isn't that showing what is going on without saying it?

I think that these trivial things sometimes blow up to unwanted drama. After breaking up with the Ex I was grateful I hadn't put the relationship status because I have seen first hand how nosey and insensitive people are when someone's relationship ends.

I know I'm thinking way too much on this because ultimately, the relationship itself is more important than any statuses, comments or opinions from anyone else.

So I'm interested in hearing everyone's take on this topic and/or experiences.

Outside Myself

2009-09-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I didn’t hold it together as well as I wanted to in my meeting today with Dragon Lady, the sup and union rep.

As I figured, they wanted to call me to a meeting to reiterate what they asked in the emails, basically chastising me about the emails. I told them that I felt like I was being hassled and how everything that I did was under scrutiny and that I hated coming to work and something had to change and soon.

My supervisor said that I didn’t have common sense when it came to office practices and I lit into her. I told them that the meeting was pointless because I know that the write up is coming. I also told them if they thought I was so incompetent then they should fire me because I am tired of them finding little things to complain about.

Another thing they pointed out was that Wimp asked me to type up a form for him. I typed the form and emailed him saying that I had the form ready in my office when he was ready. They said I was being disrespectful expecting him at his title to come and get anything from me and I should have taken it to him. My reply was, “Yeah, cause I was asking him to fetch it huh? I must be so insignificant that I can run stuff all around but he’s too good? He comes down for anything else. If he had a problem with getting work from an amoeba like me, he should have said so.”

I relayed to them that in seven years of working for my company, you are the only two who have ever had a problem with me. Everything I do is wrong, and if I’m so useless and you want to get rid of me just fire me because I’m tired of being harassed.

Dragon Lady said that she wanted me to say I’d do better. I honestly couldn’t say it, felt like making a deal with the devil. I’m getting written up anyway, not about to kiss her a$$.

The union rep was really sweet; she kept trying to calm me down. She spoke during the meeting asking what harm the lack of copying did and my boss said that it wasn’t what happened but what “could have” happened. After the meeting, the union rep came in my office and she told me about how God never gives us more than we can handle. That was somewhat comforting but I just wanted to leave for the day.

So I know that soon enough I will be away from here. As the countdown nears, I am going to seek opinions on what to include in my two week notice. I know that somewhere someone likes their job, one day, I’d like to be one of those people.

I Think Therefore I Am

2009-09-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

I am really trying to be positive this morning. It seems that as soon as I start to build up money something happens. The latest little fiasco is that on Labor Day it rained hard and fast. I remembered to let my windows of my car up thankfully, but I didn't remember to let up the sunroof.

On top of wet seats, my car has a smelly odor. That means that this weekend I will have to get it shampooed which will be about $100. Over the weekend I got something fixed on my car called "Control Arms" and that cost me $400. The car repair was a necessity, there was no way my car waws equipped to make a 24 hour drive the way it was functioning. Then my phone broke and is literally hanging by the hinges so I had to order a new one. It was time for my renewal anyway so I got somewhat of a deal although I still had to come out of pocket.

The good thing is that I have sold a couple of items and I may actually balance out even but we'll see. I have someone who wants to buy my couch and loveseat this weekend. She also may be interested in my bedroom set so that'd be a plus. Now ask me what I'd sleep on in the meantime and I'll tell you I have no idea yet, lol!

Today the Singles Ministry at my church kicks back into full gear and today's topic is s.e.x. This will make for very interesting conversation, I'm already sure of it. The Pastor will be facilitating and he's hilarious on regular topics so this one won't disappoint.

I will stay optimistic that today will be a good day. I will begin the countdown soon, I am so anxious to be out of here.

Meeting

2009-09-08T12:49:00.000-07:00

So my supervisor came in my office about an hour ago telling me that Dragon Lady would like to meet with me to discuss my poor work performance last week. It took everything in me to not throw the lamp on my desk.

I had spoken with the union rep Friday after all those emails so she and I had plans to meet Thursday. Well I called her today to tell her about this meeting they want to have and she advised me to email them saying I wanted union representation.

I've been with my company over seven years and although I pay union dues bi-weekly, I've never had to use them. I feel mad and cornered. They are trying to make me out to be incompetant over some stupid a$$ emails. Not like the work wasn't done. The more I think about it, the more pissed I am.

After sending the email to them about my wanting a rep there, I wanted to email them my two week notice. I called my dad, my clear-thinking conscience. He said not to let them mess up my plans and the reason I chose the date I had was because I wanted to have a certain amount of savings and I should stick to that date.

It is going to take everything in me to stay here until then. One of my BFF's counted down for me that its only 16 more work days before my notice. That seems small but then again, so far from now.

Nagging

2009-09-04T11:42:00.000-07:00

Today has been one very stressful day for me. Dragon Lady and my supervisor are both tag-teaming me with emails that are to cause trouble for me. Here's an example of one:

Trish,

I received this email from Wimp and I don't see where you copied Dragon Lady or me on the original communication that you sent to Wimp and Nice Guy regarding Employee A's FMLA Notification. Your instructions include a requirement that you copy Dragon Lady and me when you forward. Please explain.

I have no idea how to reply to this email. It has been sitting in my inbox for a couple hours. The other email from her is similar and the email from Dragon Lady is asking why I never replied to an email from JUNE although the work itself was done, no email was sent.

In both cases the work was done on time and correct but they want to gripe about a damn email. I'm just mad. I work with the pettiest bit$#es on earth. I am almost convinced I am changing my last day to sooner than I originally planned. I don' t know how much more I can take from them before I let them know how I really feel.

Weekend & Realizations

2009-08-31T10:23:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at work exhausted. My flight was delayed last night due to rain and storms. I got in early this morning and when my alarm clock went off, I thought it was a cruel joke.

So the weekend with Toot was good for the most part. I’m not sure what it was, but it’s like the thrill has worn off for me. I found myself wanting to talk to Teddy more and more. All I could think of was that I wasn’t going to let Toot jeopardize the possibility of a future with someone else. It was actually quite funny, he was encouraging me to call Teddy while we were together but I wouldn’t humor him.

Meeting the family went just as I pictured it. They were just as he described them and I really enjoyed talking to his mother. There were a couple of awkward moments, including one where his mom made a statement saying that from all he had told her about me, she was surprised that he and I weren’t together. All I could do was sit there; I didn’t want to even comment on that.

Another moment came when he asked me to take off the ring he bought me and handed it to his mother. She was like, “oh when did you get this?” That is when I explained to her that he got me that back in May.

Toot and I talked about my move and a couple of other things but it just wasn’t really the same. I am actually quite relieved about all of this. When it was about time for me to leave, I told him that every time I see him, I think it will be the last time.

I really feel like Teddy has great potential and he’s at the same place I am I my life, unlike Toot. He and I have so many commonalities it makes me pause at times. I am trying to really be the person I was before I got my heart stomped on but sometimes it’s so hard. I know that I have to get over the past in order to have a successful future. The craziest part is that he has had his heart broken too so he also has his defenses up a bit. All I think is that can’t be good for us both to have them so I am making a conscious effort to slowly break away my fifteen foot wall.

Rambling

2009-08-28T05:33:00.000-07:00

Good Morning All!

My morning has started off good and I anticipate it staying upbeat. I even had time to get M.ega Millions tickets this morning. My sister dropped me off early so that gave me time to complete a personality assessment for this position I applied for at a hospital.

I am all packed and ready to go and will be heading for the airport straight from work. I talked to Toot for a bit last night and Aunt Flo had me acting a bit mean to him but oh well, he'll live.

For some reason it seems that he's dead-set on me meeting his family. He asked if it would be alright if we all went to lunch Sunday. I said that it was fine but the more I think about it...I don't know, whatever.

Reality is setting in that next week will be September, putting me one month away from the BIG MOVE. I was talking about it with this new interest in my life last night. Well we've actually been talking about a month in a half but I haven't mentioned him to anyone but Toot. Why is it we sometimes think we'll jinx something if we mention it?

I think I moreso haven't mentioned it to anyone because they'll just say that this is just like when I met Toot and discount the entire situation. Teddy, just really appears to be a stand-up man. We share alot of the same values and we share common future goals. Talking about plans and constant laughter is apart of our daily routine.

Oh I got another call yesterday right before I left for a position that I applied for a couple weeks back. The lady wanted to know if I had time for a brief phone interview and I responded "definitely." Our conversation went well and she told me that I'd definitely be hearing from them. I hung up feeling positive and knowing that when it is all said and done, that things will work in my favor.

I really need to step up my saving game. I was thinking of living off cereal until I get to my savings, lol! We'll see how that goes.

Just Stuff

2009-08-26T13:47:00.000-07:00

So my neck is still in pain but a lot better than yesterday. I put on two types of icy/hot patches last night. I actually wore two thin patches to work today.

I had a telephone interview today. It's not quite the location I wanted its right on the Mex border. I think the interview went pretty good though. There were three people interviewing me and the main interviewer had a very heavy accent. He notified that they'd contact all candidates either way. I actually feel that all places should do this, evevn if by email, if a potential candidate took out the time to interview the least you can do is inform them the position has been filled.

Last night after work a long-time friend of mine did some work to my car. He gave me a pretty reasonable rate but of course I need more things done, including struts. Cars cost so much to maintain. When I meet my Mr. Right, that will be his job as I hate dealing with all things car related.

I didn't have lunch today so I am anticipating getting off so that I can have dinner. I have to go to the nail shop first and I just hope my stomach isn't growling too loudly. I have yet to tell my roomie-brother that I am heading out of town for the weekend, I will have to be sure to tell him tonight. Luckily, my sister will babysit for me so that is taken care of along with my ride to the airport, which is my sis too. She lives about five mins away so I am going to leave my car at her house while I'm gone.

Crook

2009-08-25T07:58:00.000-07:00

No not a thief, the pain you get in your neck. That's what I'm experiencing right now. I am so miserable. I'm not sure if this is a result of bad sleeping or if I tore something.

To add to my rough starting morning, my neighbor's dog was in my yard yet again this morning. It's a bulldog and he tried to intimidate me with his stares and extra tight lips. The worse part is my little baby was back there. She weighs all of 10lbs and isn't spayed, I would be livid if he impregnated her.

I have tried knocking on their door, that happens to be wide open, including the screen almost all day and no one will answer. So after him coming back there 3x I left them a note. Apparently, they don't give a spit about my note.

I was thinking I'd teach them a lesson and lock the dog in my garage. I know that's mean but the only other option I can come up with is Animal Control.

What do you think?

Driving in to work was definitely a challenge trying to switch lanes, so I stayed in the slowest lane as long as I could. I just want to be pain free. My fingers and arm is tingling too and moving my next brings this sharp pain in my back.

Why Today?

2009-08-24T13:32:00.000-07:00

Today, I got three calls to come in for interviews....sounds good right? Well that would be great news if I could hop on the Magic S.chool Bus and have it get me to Texas. All three companies wanted me to come in this week. Not only are the last minute flights priced ridiculously high but I am not allowed to take off work for three weeks because it is our busy season. If I call in sick, I will most definitely get written up and I would have to produce a doctor's note.

I started off today really happy and hopeful. I am trying to look on the bright side that at least there are companies interested in me, but at the same time, I'm still pretty mad that I can't take any of the interviews.

Part of me wants to just give my two weeks notice now and then reality sets in. With a very small savings and no job lined up, only a fool would quit there job in hopes of getting an interview.

It doesn't help that Aunt Flo is trying to visit me and I'm heading out of town this weekend. I just need to regroup.

Get A Life

2009-08-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

So I’m sitting at work dog tired and fantasizing about a nap. It’s almost noon and in walks my supervisor. She’s been on “vacation” this week but has still been calling me asking me to do work related favors.

Who on earth would come in on a Thursday when they have been off since the prior week?? She really needs to get a life. She loves the attention and it’s so irritating.

There is someone else at work that I would like to get a life. That person is the custodian for my department. He cries and whines like a baby when we throw toner in the garbage. Allegedly, the toner is detrimental to the health of the human body…so why do you want me to throw it away Mr. Custodian?

He has been causing ruckus on my entire floor about these damn toner cartridges. So being the Office Manager, people have decided that they’ll give ME the cartridges since he always complains to them when they place them in the trash. So a coworker has her staff person give me a used cartridge. Irritated and sleep-deprived I asked my coworker if she wanted me to take the toner home with me.

People are just so lazy and will do as little as possible and many people here get away with that. I on the other hand am bombarded with stuff to do everyday and if I don’t drop everything and wipe their noses and say coddle them, they have a fit.

I have one more person to add to the get a life list. This homeless pan approached me while I filled up for gas before heading to work asking me if I’d like him to pump it and I responded, “no.” After thinking over my response he informed me that he’d like a honey bun and some milk. My eyes almost popped out of my head. I work everyday and I haven’t had breakfast, what do I look like taking requests from someone who begs all day.

I ended up telling him to back up because he was too close. In the meantime, the gas station attendant got on the speaker telling the man to leave the premises. The pump I was at didn’t work so I asked her if the pump was broke and she said “no, I just don’t want him at this gas station.” “Lady, I don’t want him here either”, I thought to myself. Homeless guy decides to go in and have a shouting match with the attendant. I got in the car and left without gas. Too much idiocy for one morning!!

They Always Come Back

2009-08-19T07:25:00.000-07:00

That's a phrase that my sister and I use in terms of men. They never seem to fully move on with their lives, at some point they always throw out a line to see if we'll bite. This has been an ongoing thing with me since I was a teenager. JT still calls to check up on me from time to time and we always wish each other a happy birthday and its been 12 years.

Its something about not letting people go from my life. Now I don't talk to Scott anymore but a couple other exes do still call to see how I'm doing from time to time. I have a point to all this, don't worry.

Toot and I have been back talking. Surprised? Probably not. I told you guys that I saw him last month and we've been talking still. I really tried to not deal with him but there is some kind of energy between us that makes his presence always wanted. I'm not crazy, I know that the situation we have is still very much present but its like, I really don't care at this point.

It's reckless, I know. My emotions are under control for the most part, even though at times, knowing that there's a possibility that we'll never get together sometimes would make me sad.

We are both very open about whats going on in our lives, so I told him about a guy that I've been talking to. He was jealous, it was a bit cute. The last guy that I met, he didn't seem to care about at all but that's probably because he knew I wasn't feeling the guy like that.

I can't be a hypocrite and blast on him for being a little mad that I met someone. I say that because I'm guilty of being that way in the past myself. I think a lot of us have been guilty of not being with someone but not wanting them to be with anyone else.

So jokingly yesterday he asked me if the new guy and I were married yet. I laughed and dismissed his silly question. He has been making even more of an effort to talk now and has done a couple of grand gestures. I asked him what has brought all this on and he said "this new guy you're talking to, I can't let him take you away from me."

The truth is though that the new guy I met, there is something special about him. We always find ourselves laughing and just enjoying each other. He seems to have all that I'm looking for in a potential partner and he has expressed the same interest in me. I know that I really like him because when he and I are on the phone and Toot calls, he gets first priority and I tell Toot that I'll call him when I'm done or if it's late, I don't click over at all, I just call him after I'm off.

There was a time when I'd get off the phone with my own mother to talk to him but things seem to be evolving. Now here is where I contradict myself...despite the fact that I have another interest, I let him talk me into taking a trip together next week. Right, crazy. I haven't told anyone about this and possibly its because I know that I'm wrong and really don't care to be lectured.

I did tell him that I still intend on talking to the new guy at night so he better deal with it. I know that at some point, I will have to stop him from trying to be apart of my life, but for now, that time hasn't come.

BFF Betrayal (Conclusion)

2009-08-13T06:04:00.000-07:00

He already knew something was up when he came outside because I was enraged. His story was that she was making all of that up and it never happened. See, LSE had been diagnosed with Schizophrenia the year that all this happened, she was institutionalized for a good two months. He was so manipulative that he tried to use her illness as a means of getting out what he had actually done. I still didn’t think that this was an acceptable excuse for her to get out of it. I felt that she wasn’t all that crazy because she hid what she was doing and kept it a secret for four years. I guess after so much time had passed, he felt that he’d be able to take his secret to the grave.

I was in his face in the street yelling and screaming and he told my friend to get me and take me home. I had my finger in his face, pushing and poking him, asking him if she didn’t take me home, what exactly was he going to do to me?!

In retrospect, it was too much of a show to give the neighbors and too much satisfaction to give him, seeing that I was so upset. He even tried to say that the only reason LSE had come forth with these details was because she knew he and I had been talking about getting back together.

Sometimes I wish that I’d never known about the betrayal and pain she caused me. I was a mess during finals. I couldn’t sleep, eat and all I could do was cry. I felt like one of my best friends had literally died.

The worse part about the whole ordeal is that I still have to see her on occasions because my other three BFFs are still friends with her. They support the mental illness claim and are still very much apart of each other’s lives. I, on the other hand only deal with her when I had to. For a split moment last night, while sitting next to her at dinner, I had a flashback to the incident but with the help of a Raspberry Margarita, I quickly shook those thoughts.

As for Scott, unfortunately I ran into him three years ago. He actually had gotten married and his wife was there. She told me how she had heard so much about me and was pleased to meet me. I sat there wondering what the hell she had I actually heard. I felt bad for her because they only dated a year and she had no idea what she had gotten herself into. I was looking extra good that day, I had just left a wedding, but too bad I couldn’t say the same for him. Luckily for him, the wedding reception had an open bar or I think we would have had round two at D&B. He had put some kind of curl kit in his hair and picked up a good fifty pounds. He literally ran up to me and picked me up. I was cordial and spoke to him for a few minutes.

Scott couldn’t get over how nice I was and how great I looked. I told him that he acted like I was a mean, ugly monster when we were together, to which he said well……At that point, I snapped on him telling him he have me more than enough reason to behave the way I acted with him. He froze and said you’re right. To add creepiness to the mix, he asked me if I still stayed at my parents because every time that he rode by, he never saw my car. Um…why are you looking for my car? Finally, I had had enough socializing with him and we parted ways.

Oddly enough, about six months later, my sister was on an online personals page and ran across his profile stating he was on there “looking for love.” Knowing him, his wife had no clue what he was up to. Ladies, please take the time to get to know these men before you say “I DO.”

BFF Betrayal (Part 2)

2009-08-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

I would later come to find out that he didn’t have his degree by some fluke. Apparently, he took classes while he was in the military oversees and in a classroom where he was stationed. Somewhere along the lines, his ship courses never got sent to the campus so he had all these gaps and missing prereqs for certain courses. I had never heard of anyone else who had this kind of situation. To make matters worse he admittedly told me that his mother did have another child but she had given her up for adoption.

The month I was to graduate, to be more precise, the week of finals, my BFF, LSE ( Low Self-Esteem) decided to come clean with me that she and Scott had sex four years earlier while he and I were together and that he took her virginity. Again, I had another moment where I just lost it. She actually called me over to her house and had a friend there (in case I jumped on her and wouldn't get off I'm assuming.) You didn't need back up when you were doing your dirt, but now you need it to come clean?

I didn’t know who I was more mad at, her my friend of over 10 years or him. I was then and to this day am one of those women who takes it up with my man for cheating, not trying to find the other woman and release my frustration on her. But seeing as though she was my best friend, they both felt my wrath.

I told her how she acted so holier than thou to all of us telling, saying that fornicating was wrong and how we were sinners. She was also lecturing another of the BFFs about how she shouldn’t be the other woman. When all her dirt came out, she claims that’s why she felt she could give advice because she was the other woman. I told her she was nothing but some @ss. He never did anything with nor for her. He took advantage of a gullible, no confidence having hoe. There was more but I won’t go into all the specifics.

As far as him, I tried calling that night but it was late and he had already went to bed. So the next morning I told him I wanted to come over, he had just moved in with his aunt. My family tried talking me out of confronting him and even blocked me in the driveway so that I didn’t make matters worse. I drove across the grass and took my girl with me and on came the confrontation.....

BFF Betrayal (Part 1)

2009-08-11T07:08:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to dinner with my BFFs since elementary school. We were known as the Fab 5, totally inseparable. But as it happense most times, there was a wrench thrown into the great wheel of friendship. Unfortunately, I was the vicitim of betrayal by one of my besties.

After dealing with the hell that JT put me through, the man I met after him, Scott, was like a warm spring day. He was so doting, affectionate and giving. He persued me and eventually won my heart. Scott was all the things that JT wasn't. He had a degree, no kids and had been in the military. He was an only child that rarely saw his family so the fact that my family was so big worked well because he enjoyed hanging out with us.

Slowly, but surely, things began to fall apart right before me. I had a pregnancy scare and as we discussed the possibilities of "if we were parents," he decided at that time to reply, "What do you mean IF, I have two kids."

I don't really remember much else of what happened after that, I truly think I had an out of body experience. We were at I.HOP and I was in there acting a complete fool. Everyone was looking at us, but like I said, I wasn't me, so I couldn't help myself.

Eventually he got me in the car and tried to calm me down but there was nothing that he could say at that point. He dropped me off at home and let me cool down, but that didn't work. I went home crying to my mother that I thought I was pregnant and how he was such a liar.

In true form, her way of consoling me was informing me that if I was, I would have to move out of her and my dad's house. I was devastated. I was pouring my heart out to her and all she could say was how in the midst of all that was going wrong, that I could add homelessness to the list. I was 19 and a sophomore in college, I was working but it wasn’t enough to really set out on my own.

It was at that point, that I decided that I knew for certain that I couldn’t share everything with my mom like a lot of my friends. I had always hoped that we could have an honest, open relationship but her reaction confirmed that certain things parents shouldn’t know...

Anyway, stupidly, I took him back after a while. I would later come to find out.....

Let's Get Ready to Rumble

2009-08-06T13:36:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought that I would finally have some peace in the house, here comes more headaches. So my little brother has decided to stay in the States and work. His wife has been IM-ing & calling me to vent. There is only so much I want to say since I am really trying not to get back caught up in their ridiculous fights.

It's so sad because yesterday she made a comment about no matter how much they fight verbally and physically, they both know neither of them are going anywhere. I just sat there with my face semi-twisted.

Ok back to the reason for this post. I'm not sure if you all will believe me but in some ways my brother is actually worse than my sister. I thought I'd finally be able to live in a clean house and here he comes, The Tasmanian Devil. I swear, you'd think he was a stripper the way he has clothes all over the house. He'll have shorts in the livingroom, underwear in the bathroom, a t-shirt in the office, its like WHAT THE HELL!

I was trying to just be cool until he left which was scheduled for this coming Sunday. But since I heard from my mother today that he is supposed to be staying, I HAVE to say something to him before I attack him.

Last night and another night a week or so ago, he left the doors unlocked. While I don't live in the worse neighborhood, I don't live in the best either. I live off of a major street and there is an alley at the corner. I thought that I'd be a bit more comfortable having a male presence in the house but I was safer with just me because I made sure the doors were locked every night.

I mentioned to him last time how I was upset that the doors were left unlocked and he turned around and did it again last night. I started writing a note before I left out this morning but I decided we need to talk one-on-one.

The day before yesterday I took the trash out and was in a hurry. He was home all day but do you think he put another bag in the trash can? Of course not. I finally had to say something to him about it. He started to say something but decided to let his voice trail off instead. Perhaps he remembered that I give him money from time to time and I have let him use my car on numerous occasions since he's been back.

Well he put the bag in the can..I should be happy, right? Wrong! Why didn't he pick up the trash that he had piling up on the counter? He didn't because he's lazy, that's why. He also hasn't washed a dish since he's been there and he leaves loads full on the counter and in the computer room. He doesn't even has the decency to rinse off the dishes he uses, he lets them set and harden before dropping them off on the counter for me to wash.

I have a hair appointment tonight and when I get home, I am going to lay things out for him. If he doesn't help out, he has to go, flat out. I'm tired of cleaning up behind grown folks. The decision is up to me if he stays or goes and I refuse to clean up behing his lazy a$$ anymore.

The Weekend

2009-08-03T05:41:00.000-07:00

My weekend was cool for the most part. I stayed in Friday night while my cousins went to a bar for old school night, I just wasn't feeling it. Saturday morning my neices came over at 7:30am and they stayed til around five. We had a good time being silly with one another. I don't see them as much as I used to and I really missed them.

Saturday night I wasn't much up for partying either, in fact, I only left the house to let my dad's dog outside. My brother works at a restaurant so thanks to him, I had dinner without having to go anywhere.

Sunday I got up and went to 8:00 service at church. I enjoyed the message and was glad that I went. My little brother's car apparently broke Saturday some time and it was in front of the house. Sunday when I was headed out the door I noticed its now in the driveway so I wake him up asking him to move it. It was at this time that he informs me that its broken. My thing is, it was broken when it was on the street, why not leave it there or if you're going to attempt to put it in the backyard, get it all the way back there. The car being stalled where it is requires me to drive partially on my neighbor's grass. It has me very irritated that I have to do this. At some point today while I'm here at work, I am going to tell his tail to have that car out of the driveway by the time I get home.

After church I ran a couple errands and went home to clip some coupons. Hey, I'm trying to move, I need all the savings I can get. One of my errands included picking up a mini cake for my mom. There was no special reason behind the cake, other than its her favorite and just a little love token.

I was supposed to see my friend's baby and spend time with her but at around 6ish she texted asking if we could reschedule, which was fine by me. During the course of the day my sister had harassed me about going to the movies. We had just went two weeks ago and I wanted to spend the night in but she tried guilting me into it because she doesn't have any friends, so I decided to go ahead and go.

The theater that she wanted to sells liquor and this was her main focus for wanting to go there. She was surprised when I informed her I didn't want a Daiquirita with her. She offered to buy it for me but the money wasn't the issue. I have been trying to watch what I eat and there are so many cals in those frozen drinks, it makes no sense.

We saw the H.angover. It was funny and the liquor intensified my sister's sense of humor. I had to tell her to quiet down a couple of times. Then this teeny-bopper movie usher came over and asked her to put her phone away. Well she started cussing and fussing about how she's an adult and how she'll cuss him out and he won't do anything about it. I covered my face slightly and resumed watching the movie.

I gave her the cake to give to my mom since they now live in the same apt complex. After that I went home and attempted to watch B.ridezillas but to no avail, about fifteen minutes into the show, my DVR started going haywire. I laid down and got a phone call from this new guy I've been talking to a lot. I will have to give details on him later.

Hope you all had a nice weekend.

A break

2009-07-29T06:49:00.001-07:00

So its Wednesday and my week has yet to get better. Usually when I have a downpour of bad, an abundance of blessings are around the corner. I'm trying to just keep to myself so that I don't hurt anyone's feelings in the midst of this storm. It seems like people just don't understand when you don't want to be bothered.

My mother has been trying to force me to talk and that makes me all the more unwilling to talk. Aren't I entitled to want just Trish time? She and I played phone tag until I just said forget it. I think I am going to text her that I will talk to her when my mood is better.

Little brother decided to stay here and work so that he can get the money together for his wife and her son to be able to come back into the States. So of course he asked to use my car today. He was just sitting in the house bs-ing around and I pulled off and left him. Then I had to say to myself, he is using it to work, not just drive around so I went back and got him.

I just need to get my head and emotions together. I don't like feeling like this but I just can't help it. One of my friends mentioned making me dinner tonight. If he doesn't I'm thinking maybe I will treat myself to a movie, just to get out of the house.

What a Way..

2009-07-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

...to start a Monday. I was driving in this morning and this truck in front of me hit a piece of what looked like particle board. It flew up in the air and there was no where for me to go so I rolled over it. I immediately heard a scraping sound but I could still drive it. When I got to work to assess the damage, it had almost completely tore off my bumper. I was so angry. There was nothing I could do to avoid it and it wasn't the trucks fault, I have no idea who to blame but the fact remains still that my car is damaged. As soon as I was finally able to start my savings to relocate this happens.

I know that this is just a test for me. I proclaimed last night that I would have a good week and this was a poor attempt to steal that away from me. Luckily, my dad was in the neighborhood and came to look at it. He thinks I should try to get a new bumper from a junk yard and should have someone put it on rather than file an insurance claim. I just hope that this doesn't set me back too much.

My sup is on vacation this week so its just me and Dragon Lady. If she knows whats good, she'll stay out of my way today.

Confession

2009-07-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

So I have a confession and who better to share with than you guys. When I went to TX I saw Toot. I know, I know but he had gotten in touch with me and asked to meet up and I couldn't resist. My plan was to just show him how great I am still and even better (I have been working out a couple times a week again).

Well I think I may have made things worse for myself. All those old feelings came rushing back as soon as I saw him. I don't know what it is either. He isn't the best looking guy I ever talked to, nor the tallest and he's a smoker....

Originally our plan was to go to dinner Sunday, which turned to lunch plans instead. Then he asked if we could see each other Saturday too. So seeing him two days in a row was good but bad. The reasons that I stopped talking to him are still very present and yet, I wanted to be in his presence anyway.

Sunday when we parted ways I was sad, I can admit it. We've been talking mostly through email since I left. I've been trying to talk some sense into myself. I did so good those six weeks with no contact. But when he texted me about how he knows I asked him not to contact me but he missed me, I melted and let the barrier down.

I know that suppressing my feelings for him won't help but I'm convinced that once I meet someone that I really like that I won't think about him so much. I hope it happens because I'm really ready to have a happy and healthy relationship.

I feel so much better now that I got to get that off my chest.

He's Here

2009-07-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

So guess what everyone? My little brother is home. He will be here for about three weeks. I haven't seen him as of yet though. I heard that he's supposed to have a tude with me because he read a message btw me and his misses about how she doesn't need to go for the treatment he gives her. But he wasn't mad enough to say anything to me about being mad so oh well. Anyways, my mom took it upon herself to tell my brother she heard he was mad at me. He denied it but I know he is. I still love him though, nonetheless and I can't wait to see him.

I think that at some point he will get tired of sleeping on the couch at my parents apartment anc come to the house with me. I'm sure he'll want to use my car and I will more than likely give him some money as well as my other siblings. Hopefully we can all talk some sense into him.

Do you guys know that his wife had the nerve to be mad that he was coming home for a few weeks? Mind you, this is after she called all of us here in the States Saturday, saying that he was being abusive which included pulling her hair and calling her names. My parents thought they better get him away as soon as possible before something happened that neither of them can take back.

Outside My Window

2009-07-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at my desk just gazing out of the window. Before I got this promotion, I always wished for a window. Now that I have one, I think dang, this just makes the work day go longer because I want to be on the other side of the window.

Not too much going on today other than my office piling last minute work on me as they always do before I take vacation. I'm headed down to TX for my "friend's" graduation. He has me kind of nervous, his family has been asking all these questions about me. I feel like I'm going down for an interview. But as long as everyone is cool I'll be fine.

I have a list of things that I need to get done before I leave. When my sup gets back from lunch I am going to run an errand and hopefully be able to grab some lunch too.

After work I have a hair appointment so I hope I'm not there all night. My sister actually agreed to babysit my poochie so I'm relived about that. She came over yesterday and went in her room to gather more of her things and all the while left her bedroom door open. I stood there like the Orkin man, making sure all of the gnats from her room were dead and not trying to escape. I was so annoyed that she had that door open though, I hurried her out of there as quick as I could.

Peace and Quiet

2009-07-05T16:57:00.000-07:00

I finally get a day of solitude and it's amazing. I ended up helping my parents and sister move over the weekend and it was very tiring. My parents left their dog here so I have been taking care of him the past couple of days. He's a good dog but so big and affectionate. A lot of times I find myself pushing him off of me.

A couple of weeks ago I interviewed for a job but I didn't get it. I was a bit disappointed but I know that at some point I will get the job that I'm meant to have. I'm just glad I didn't tell too many people because the few people that did know hounded me about it. I know that they were being caring asking about it but its like if I really heard back and they offered me the job, don't you think I would have shared that?

Of course I have a story about my sister. Moving day, she went to work, leaving us to handle her move. I was upset that my parents would even allow her to get over on them like that but whatever. The night before they moved, she discovered a nest of gnats in her room in her dog's food bowl. I was totally disgusted. Of course she opened the door to her room to air it out which meant that she loosed them into the rest of the house. By Friday morning they had taken over the house and I had to eat outside in the car because they kept trying to land in my breakfast.

The final insult came yesterday when she came over to gather some of her belongings and take her dog to her new apartment. We had ordered Chinese food and brought it back to the house. We were downstairs getting ready to eat and she says I don't want to eat here, there are too many gnats. If I could have I swear I would have choked her just til she was about to pass out. That is how furious I was. Then she was like, "do you get it? I'm saying I don't want to eat here and I'm the reason for the gnats."

She then asked me if we could go up and eat in my room. I decided that since she wanted to piss me off I would do the same. I told her that she couldn't eat in my room because she will spill and leave a mess and not clean up because she never does. She was so offended and I was glad because we both know its true. I would go take a picture of that hideous room she left but I don't want to risk any of her bugs breaking free. I am going to use a bug fogger tomorrow while I'm at work and hopefully that will take care of this big problem she has created.

Cross Your Fingers

2009-06-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

There is something in the works that I hope comes to pass. I will update you all soon.

Grievance

2009-06-11T06:42:00.000-07:00

I decided to fight my supervisor and boss about them writing me up. I have contacted the union and we are going to file a grievance. I know that this will not make things at work any better but at the moment, I can't see things being any worse.

After the vacation I plan to take next month, I will have one day left that has to be used by the end of July. According to company's policy, they will have to give me that day. Other than that, my plan is to not take any more vacation days and I will just let them pay me for those days and will put that money towards my moving fund.

This means that when I finally do go down to put a deposit on an apartment, that I will have to make a strictly weekend trip, from Friday after work until Sunday. Speaking of apartments, I found an apartment complex yesterday that I fell in love with so my mission is to become a resident there.

Manic Monday

2009-06-08T06:17:00.000-07:00

My morning started off an hour too early. Some howling dog made it impossible for me to sleep. When I finally did drift back off to sleep it was only for like ten minutes and I was really annoyed. I wanted to find that dog and smack him.

Once I got up, magically he had stopped all the noise. My mother is such the morning person and she greeted me with a "GOOD MORNING!" All I could do was grumble and start getting ready for work.

The supervisor from hell is back today and she has yet to reply to my email. I already know that this is going to be some drama. I'd rather hear a no, than to be kept in limbo. She has been making all the conversation with me too which is ticking me off even more.

Last night I watched the ten best moments on Bridezilla and I was so happy that they finally took my suggestion of doing updates. I hate to say it but there was one of the couples they highlighted that was now divorced and that got a cheer out of me. I'm not saying that divorce is good but that couple just was not right for each other. I can't believe how some of the women act on that show and yet I stayed tuned faithfully every week.

I have been playing the Wii Fit and I love it. Well everything but when you step on the scale and she says "OH!" She's a real smart @$$ but it's really helpful. I've been trying to encourage my family to get more active and eat better. According to the game, they are all obese and I just want them healthy.

Last night my sister asked me what has been up with me. I told her nothing much really. She said that I've been really withdrawn. What she sees as withdrawn I see as alone time, sometimes I need that. You'd think with everyone having cable in their room that I wouldn't have to fight them for the livingroom since the bedroom I'm in doesn't have cable, but thats not true.

I cleaned the kitchen yesterday after The Marrying Man and his other half and my neices all left. I swear every dish in the house was dirty. My sister had offered to help but she said later. I told her I'd leave her some then. I called her later to ask if she'd still help but she didn't reply so I just finished up.

It's been hard getting myself settled in and somewhat unpacked because I'm always cleaning up behind other grown folks. The countdown has begun until they move and while my parents don't bother me, my sister is just lazy as hell.

Irritated

2009-06-05T05:54:00.000-07:00

I know I should be happy that it's Friday and I am. But I just wanna get something off my chest that has me mad this morning. My supervisor is off this week at a conference. She has been checking her emails because I have gotten responses on emails that I was copied on.

Well I sent her an email requesting time off next month, but do you think she replied? Of course not. I have never worked in a department that pitched such a fit about time off. The company gives us the amount of vacation time that they feel we deserve per year. So what I want to know is why is it that my department thinks they can regulate that?

I'm mad because the tickets that I had been looking at went up $150. I would have just booked the tickets but after they played me last time, I knew better. There has to be someone that I can talk to about this bs. I think that its time to really get to know my union rep.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-03T05:40:00.001-07:00

Nerves of Steel

2009-06-02T07:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know where people get their nerves from, I really don't. Last night I went to bed around 11pm. I had spent two hours cleaning my "new" bathroom at my parents and the bleach had me light-headed. After watching a bit of I'm A Celebrity...I played Wii for a bit, took a shower and hopped in bed.

At first I thought I was delusional but then reality snapped into play when I realized that the noise I heard was my cell phone ringing. Couldn't have been the wrong number because my voice mail chime went off soon after. Unsure of the time, I rationalized that since I was good and sleep it had to be late but was too lazy to see who was calling or what time it was.

I forgot to mention that I talked to Mover last night. He asked when he was going to see me and I asked when he was off. He said that he was off today and I told him we'd make plans to meet up after I got off work.

Okay, now back to the story at hand. So this morning when I woke up I looked at my Caller ID to see who had called. It was Mover....I still haven't even checked the voice mail and unless he was calling to tell me he had just been involved in a fatal car accident or his house was on fire, there was no justification for calling me at 3AM!

Now I've pretty much decided that not only will I not see him today but I think I'm done talking to him. Maybe I'm being harsh but I just thought that was very rude.

The next person with nerves is, drumroll please....my sister. How'd you guess? Yes, this morning she had the nerve to get mad at me because I didn't wake her up for work this morning. My mom usually wakes her up and she is out of town. You're a grown woman, wake yourself up!! I told her to just go ahead and get dressed and go late. She explained to me that calling in sick was better at her job than coming in late, I am so working at the wrong place. Then she went on to further say that she didn't have any clean clothes anyway, so she'd just take the day off. How is it that you knew you had to go to work and have no clean clothes?

I guess there are some situations and people that I am not meant to understand.

Balding and My Move

2009-06-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

As you can tell by now, there always seems to be a story whenever I do something. So Saturday was moving day. The man called to confirm and to tell me they were running a bit behind. I said that was fine because I had a few things to do before they arrived.

He actually ended up only being about fifteen minutes late when he originally projected an hour. After looking around my apartment he tells me I had more stuff than he thought, then stated that they weren't going to be able to dump the things I didn't want for free but that it'd be an additional $50. I told him that wasn't what we agreed upon but whatever and I wasn't going to pay to have the stuff dumped, I'd take it with me. He shows me a contract for us to both sign and then asks for payment. I told him there was no way I was paying him before he even started. He said fine, can I have a portion then? I agreed and signed the contract. I went downstairs to make sure there was indeed a truck and gave him a portion of the money.

Balding, which is what I will refer to him as, said he wanted to run to the store to get something to drink and asked if I wanted anything. I declined and he left, leaving behind two guys to begin bringing my stuff downstairs.

When Balding returned, he helped out for about twenty minutes and then told me that a friend of his had gotten a flat tire and needed help. He said it wasn't far and he'd be back. At this point I asked him about the charge of rates and wanting to know was it per hour or what. Although I know he and I signed on a rate, I wanted to be sure he wasn't trying to scam me. Balding assured me it was a flat rate he gave me no matter how long it took.

Everything was getting moved out of my apartment at a steady pace for quite a bit and then movement stopped. I went downstairs and the two men were eating lunch. Now I know I was hungry but hell, I wasn't having lunch, why should they? That is when I discovered that Balding was still gone with the truck.

Two and a half hours later he returned. I came downstairs with hell in my eyes and he offered to dispose of the things that he originally quoted me the additionally $50 for free. I agreed and they got back to work. In true procrastinator fashion, he decides to try to rush the two men that he had left behind at my apartment. I told the workers how funny it was that he had been gone all that time but wanted to come back trying to rush them.

They finished up moving and got me to my parents house. I paid them and even gave my number to one of the delivery guys. I know, I know, but he asked and he was good-looking. I've since talked to him a couple times and really don't see that anywhere, not that I want it to. Just looking to hang out until I can relocate.

Leaving my empty apartment, I have to admit I was sad. That was my first place alone and it had me thinking how close to reality my relocating really is. It was bittersweet but I'm happy that my plans are coming together.

After being officially moved in yesterday, my sister and I got into it twice. Pray for me everybody, its going to be a long month being there with her. She decided to move next month, so I'm very thankful for that.

There's another guy that I met from Texas before I met Toot but I cut him off. Well he had asked me for another chance and I obliged. I'm glad that I did, he hasn't disappointed thus far. He asked me to come down for an event in July and I told him that I would. We've been talking via webcam, so that's a nice plus. What were we doing before all this new technology came about?

That's it for now. I'm sure I'll have tons of post having to live with my sister this month. Oh and Toot texted me today and apologized for breaking my no-call rule but that he wanted to say hi. Don't worry..I'm not falling back into that with him.

The Wedding

2009-05-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

So in typical wedding fashion, the ceremony started late. It was in fact, almost two hours late to be exact. Picture a bunch of people in a hot, cramped church with no air conditioning, it was miserable. When the ceremony finally started, a baby decided that then was the time to practive her vocals. She screamed for a good three minutes and the mother just sat there looking stupid. Finally after several dirty looks, she got up and went out with the baby.

My youngest neice was supposed to be the flower girl but she ended up getting sick and slept on my mom during the wedding in her pretty white dress. They also told my mom after she arrived that they wanted her to be walked down the aisle as an usher. She wore a pants suit and really didn't want to but she went ahead and participated.

Then they had a portable boom box playing music and when it was time for the bride to walk down the aisle, when she got mid-way, the music stopped. She stood there for a good couple of minutes, I'm guessing debating on what to do. Then I guess reality kicked in and she thought she better hurry down the aisle before my brother changed his mind and she damn near drug her poor elderly father down the aisle with her.

Her mother, who is an evangelist, did the prayer for them. It lasted a good five minutes, in prayer time, thats a LONG time. After a while she was just rambling and using words like uh... and um....Then she kept calling my brother by his nickname which I thought was a bit odd.

It seemed like everyone had a smirk or grin on their face who sat on my brother's side, knowing that these vows don't mean too much to him anyway and wondering who would be wife number four.

They waited in the back of the church and rather then there being a receiving line with the entire bridal party, it was just my brother and his new bride. I put out my hand to shake hers and she grabbed me and hugged me a bit too tight and close for my taste.

Next was picture time and like always in her pictures she wore the same sinister smirk she always has. She was barking out orders to everyone so in alot of the pics her mouth was open or her back turned with her arms in the air.

As we drove to the reception hall, we got a real feel for the small city, lots of projects and mobile homes. They were introduced in the church, prayer was done over the food and then it was dinner time. They had people stand in line and get served, the portions were so small and I was starving afterwards. Literally, a tablespoon of macaroni was being scooped out to us and the same size went for everything else. Even after spending $80 on ham for them, I got one sliver. Of course there wasn't liquor being served because they were already on a budget so everyone pretty much did b.y.o.b.

So my other SIL and I went to the store so that we could have our own drinks and get away from there for a few minutes. It was like a peep show in there, almost every woman and teenager in her family had on sheer, panty showing, boob popping out, outfits.

We decided to buy my brother's favorite drink so that we could toast with him. I went in the church to tell him we had his drink and my newly acquired sister-in-law says decides to let her couple glasses of champagne take over. She says loud enough for everyone in a 500 yard radius to hear "Trish, where you been? You acting funny, staying away because I got yo brother now?" I decided that I wasn't going to let her show out and I returned that he's been MY brother for 28 years and he'll always be and we'd see how long she lasts and I put my arm around him. She then tried to walk up on me and I put my arm up and pushed her.

I was fuming when I got back to the car and a couple drinks helped me cool down. The reception ended at ten and then they wanted us to come to an "after-party" at her sister's house. On the way there we decided to get some fast food because we were all starved. When we walked in with the food about three different people in her family asked why we got fast food and they had food here from the reception. Well how were we supposed to know that your family was hiding food? All we knew was that with the tiny portions they gave out that we needed something else.

By this point pretty much everyone had too much to drink including her cousin. She reminded me of Rasputia from Norbit. She informed us all that she was looking for a man and how she was a good worker and been at her job for nine years. To make herself an even better candidate, she told us that she was a clean person, she kept a clean house and a clean @ss. We all just sat there kinda with our mouths open.

My brother announced that he just realized that at 32 he is now a grandfather because his new wife is a grandmother. I informed him, in betweem laughs, that we had been talking about that all night and that it was hilarious. He also has neices and nephews older than him now. One of his new nephews always hits on me when he sees me and he's married. The creep waits til his wife isn't around and tries to chat me up and have some sort of physical contact with me, yuck!

At around midnight we decided to get ready to make the seventy-mile trek back home. I don't really know how to summarize the night, it was definitely....interesting. To cap off the night my new SIL informed me that we'd be invited back out for another ceremony for them in ten years, to that comment, I laughed until I cried and my sister shut my car door.

When it Rains..

2009-05-21T06:14:00.000-07:00

We all know this saying and it has definitely been pouring for me. I got a speeding ticket a couple of days ago and my water heater went out the day before that. Then yesterday I had a four hour conference and after about three hours of being back in the office my boss hands me an envelope. It was a written reprimend following up on a mtg that Dragon Lady, my supervisor and I had. They gave me an assignment that they wanted on a day I had scheduled off and pre-approved. I went to my union representative about it. These women have been on my back since I started and I'm tired of it. I have worked for my company about eight years and this is the first department I have ever had problems with.

In other news, I have started packing to move from my apartment. I am getting lazy with it already but I plan to use this holiday weekend as a time to get things packed up. The company I hired wants to charge me $355 to move me fifteen minutes away. While I don't want to part with that kind of money, to have to call friends and family and rely on them to help is far worse for me. The greatest part about packing for this move is knowing that in a few short months I will be packing yet again to move to Texas and that in itself is motivation.

Oh and breaking news...my parents have reconciled!!! It has been the longest five months in my life but I can't remember the last time I've been so happy. They both took separate vacations, my dad went to see a bachelor friend of his and my mom to see my aunt in Arizona. When my dad came back and told us about his trip, we could tell that he saw the other side and the grass wasn't so green. His friend who had all the space and time to himself was lonely and miserable and my dad saw that first hand. The saddest part he recalled to us from his visit was that his friend goes to a local liquor store down the road and buys a pack of cigarettes and the store owner rations him out four cigarettes per visit so that he doesn't smoke too many.

While my mom was gone my dad moved back to their room and she told me that they talked and they are both going to work on their issues. My mom's happiness made all my drama seem insignificant.

Oh and I got my grades back from this semester. In accounting I got a B and in the business class I received an A. Considering I have been out of school for five years, I was very proud of myself. My mom was too and she offered to buy me a laptop for my great efforts. I told her I'd mull it over and get back with her.

One last semi story for you guys. My little brother, the woman-hitter is trying to come back home. We think its great because he needs an a** whooping and some help. The not-so-good part is that he is trying to bring the wife and child. The circumstances in which they left leave me wondering how its possible for all this to happen but I'll keep you posted.